7 Things No One Told Me About Postpartum

This weeks blog is a bit different. We talk so much about pregnancy and birth, sometimes the vulnerable, post partum stage of having a baby gets left behind. Pregnancy was such an amazing time from the moment I got a positive pregnancy test. I feel like, and im sure almost everyone can relate, every bit of planning was based around pregnancy, labor and birth, and then baby once baby is here. What you should eat during pregnancy, best tips for labor, etc. What I felt like they didn’t prepare me for much was the post partum part of having a baby. The care for the birthing person after baby is born is not as intensive as I thought it would be. There is maybe one 6 week post partum visit and then youre on your way. I can sit here and talk about the lack of post partum care in the U.S all night, but instead, ill just share the top 7 things about post partum no body warned me about. Sorry if this gets intense, but then again, post partum is not for the weak, its ALL intense. Shit’s about to get REAL.

The not so pretty truth.

THE TEARS. Nobody told me how many tears I would cry the first few days, hell even the first few weeks. I was not prepared for the hormone changes, YET AGAIN. I remember one time coming home from the hospital, I sat on my bed and for no reason, just burst into tears. I remember thinking and feeling so silly because I wasn’t sad, I was the happiest I had been in a long time, I mean I just brought my baby home and life was amazing. WHY WAS I CRYING? Why did I feel this overwhelming sensation to just bawl my eyes out. Ill tell you why… HORMONES. Lesson learned? Cry. Just freaking cry. It feels good. And no youre not crazy.

THE SWEATS. Not only was I unprepared for the crying, but I have to sweat too?? The hormones have me crying, sweating so much that im waking up drenched, I seriously had no idea. It was one of those cold sweats that you get when youre sick… but youre not sick. You just had a baby. 

THE LACK OF SLEEP. This one is an obvious one because…duh new baby. But the kind of not ever sleeping again im talking about is the kind where you just cant do anything but stare at your sleeping newborn baby. Talk about love at first sight…am I right? You should be sleeping but staring at that little teeny bit of perfection is much better than sleeping. 

THE BLEEDING. I knew down there wouldn’t be too pretty for a long time but having almost a literal period for almost like a month… month and a half? Totally not prepared for. I had to wear a pad and granny panties for way longer than I expected. And why was there so much blood? I don’t think I wanted to stand up for days because of the ick I felt when I did. I couldn’t walk straight for weeks. 

THE CRAMPS. Contractions during labor are a given.. obviously. How about contractions AFTER birth? LOL yes.. it’s a thing. I remember crying out for something to help the contractions during breastfeeding. They are no joke. Turns out its actually a good thing though. As you breastfeed, or even if you don’t, your uterus contracts to go back down to normal size after the birth of your baby. Sooo lots of curse words if that’s your things. It was for me.

THE SORE NIPPLES. This is totally just a breastfeeding thing but holy nipples. Once your milk comes in, your breasts are going to HURT. And then your nipples hurt. If your baby has a bad latch, they also might crack and bleed. How absolutely wonderful is that? 

THE LOVE. I feel like this is an obvious one but the amount of love youll have for this precious life you and your partner created is unmatched. Out of all the things everyone prepped me for becoming a parent….the LOVE was definitely one that was accurate.

Becoming a parent is tough and definitely not textbook, its different for everyone. But I hope you find some peace and comfort in this crazy journey throughout parenthood. Remember that you matter, and its okay to ask for help if you feel you are struggling in your postpartum journey, visit Postpartum Support International. Here you will find many helpful resources including a help line and weekly meetings.

Whether you are looking for an extra set of hands or you just need a good night’s sleep, your postpartum doula is here for you. Overnight care is a wonderful option for new parents because you get quality sleep while your doula takes care of everything else.

If you are interested in more information and want to connect with your doula today, you can find us at Uptown Doula.

Written by: Natalie Story

Fact About Sleep

There is a lot of misinformation circulated by well-meaning friends and sources about infant sleep. Who are you supposed to trust when it comes to getting your baby to rest? There are aunties, experienced parents, blogs, and pediatricians who all have THE tools to get your baby to sleep reliably.

Still, when you try to implement what they say, it ends up being a mish-mash of a little bit of one thing, and some of what you remembered reading, and the all-too-real stuff of what actually worked to get your baby to dreamland.

We love helping families learn strategies to use with their children, and learn how they can best meet their kids where they are at in their sleep journey. One of the most important factors in getting to the roots of their information, and give a foundation of facts. From there, we get to layer your baby's personality, needs, and lifestyle on top of it. Here are some facts about sleep every parent should know

Sleep is essential, and if your baby is overtired, your priority is to get them sleep of any kind.

An overtired baby may not be easily soothed, but getting your baby sleep has to happen before you can use trusted tools to help them going forward. So if going for a walk, using a babywearing device, going for a drive, or holding your baby is the only way you know to get them sleep, we start there.

Having help for this part is usually a game-changer, and a trusted friend, tagging out with a partner, or hiring a postpartum doula is an excellent option for helping you to stem the seemingly endless need for your baby to be attached to you.

Advice from your pediatrician does not always follow safe sleep guidelines - and it can be a problem.

Many pediatricians advise having an elevated sleep surface or using rolled towels or blankets to prop or move your baby into a position that helps them sleep, especially if your baby has any sort of reflux. This is not recommended by the AAP and does not follow safe sleep recommendations.

Having conflicted professionals giving you advice is part of the struggle parents have to navigate. Educating yourself on why those recommendations are offered is as important as getting the information.

Your baby does not sleep the same way you do - so you can't expect them to sleep the way you do.

Your baby is not physically or mentally wired to go to sleep like you are. Your baby has seldom been in the positions we place them to sleep as newborns, and they have sleep reflexes that have helped keep our species alive until they are better able to care for themselves. These reflexes make it hard for babies to have long stretches of sleep.

Learning about your baby's sleep cycles and how your baby's brain works are some ways you can quiet expectations of your wee babe.

Babies show sleepiness in varying stages.

Like there are hunger cues to learn, there are sleep cues you can learn. Both have early, mid, and late signals.

Here are some early, mid, and late cues your baby is tired and ready for sleep:

Early:

Spacing, or gazing for periods of time
Red-rimmed eyes
Jerking head or arm movements

Mid:

Trying to pull or grab their face
Yawning
"Settling sounds" like grunts or squeaks, or long sighs

Late:

Crying
Being hard to soothe
Back is arched, or very tight muscles and rigid body

Sleep begets sleep, and putting off a nap will not make a baby sleep longer or later.

Depending on your child's age, it may seem like all you are doing after they wake up is getting ready for their next nap - and after getting a diaper change, and more food, it very well may be the case! But your baby needs to sleep A LOT, which means their awake times seem to move pretty quickly.

One thing that is not true is that prolonging awake time will make babies sleep "better" or "longer." When sleep is stalled, babies need extra help to calm and be soothed. Their naps most likely will remain the same length because of the way they cycle through sleep, meaning they only get less sleep overall.

The sleep cycles for babies mean they are designed to have more periods where they can be woken up by hunger, wetness, or other basic needs as a survival mechanism. Their ability to "rationalize" through light sleeping times and self soothe back to sleep depends on age, overall weight gain, and having developmental milestones met.

Sleep needs to be evaluated in a 24-hour period, not just overnight.

Some of the confusion about helping babies sleep in longer stretches, is that their daytime routine needs to be considered as well. If your baby is not able to have restorative sleep during the day, it is harder for them to have restorative sleep at night. They may be exerting too much energy and need to have more calories. They may need help to nap with the use of a sound machine or reducing noise or light. Or, It may be early cues are missed, and the window for sleep gets missed until the next cycle for sleep is next available.

How Do Doulas Help Parents Delivering By Cesarean?

Labor doulas are typically hired by people planning to have a vaginal birth. A doula's knowledge of normal physiological birth, the constant support through labor, and the skilled hands-on care are all reasons doulas are growing in popularity.

But what if you suddenly need a surgical birth or are planning a cesarean delivery from the onset? Are labor doulas helpful then?

Yes.

When it becomes necessary to decide to have a non-emergency cesarean, after long hours of hard labor, the flood of emotions is intense and overwhelming for many. The medical team will be focused on getting you prepared physically for unexpected surgery.

Your doula will be focused on your mental and emotional preparedness.

Having all your questions answered, understanding the risks, helping you wade through the options all happen before the choice is made. And once made, your doula can help you to prepare for what will happen next.

• Your doula will outline what you can expect to see, smell, and experience in the operating room.

• Your doula will outline what the next few hours will look like, and when you see her next (if doulas are not allowed in the operating room), and keeping you and your partner tuned into each other while getting ready to meet your baby.

• Your doula can help your partner know how they can support you through surgery if she is not able to attend.

Help During Recovery

After surgery, you are going to need immediate help from both the medical team and support team for the first hours after you deliver. Having a cesarean birth is major abdominal surgery, and nurses will monitor your vital signs and postpartum bleeding.

Usually, in those first hours, parents are eager to have skin-to-skin or start breastfeeding. Families now have time together that may have felt stolen because of the limitations a surgery places on movement and autonomy. All of these activities require more care and attention because of the strain they apply to the new surgical wound on the lower abdomen, and a doula is a skilled set of extra hands and knowledge to help families reconnect.

A doula can help with positioning, answer questions about breastfeeding, and be available to keep baby in a safe position. At the same time, the birthing parent continues to come fully aware after the anesthesia wears off.

Planned Cesarean Delivery

For those people who know they are going to deliver by cesarean, having doula support through pregnancy can offer some unique advantages. Having a doula can lead to better home planning for your post-operative abilities, combined with the needs of your new baby. A doula's experience can help you understand what will and won't be possible after surgery and help you identify any ways you may need to adapt.

It's a complicated world post-surgery of understanding your body's new abilities, caring for your baby, and the intense emotions that come with being a new parent. Having a doula helps make all of the big questions seem smaller, and the unknowns easier to adjust.

Doulas are not only for an unmedicated vaginal birth. Doulas are for any person who wants one-on-one personal support through an experience that can be intense and overwhelming.

Are You Scared To Give Your Baby A Pacifier?

Soothies, binkie, paci...whatever you call it in your family, pacifiers have been used for generations.

Before polymers were used from the discovery of rubber trees, cultures around the world used things like beads made of wood, or other things like ivory, mother-of-pearl, bone, or coral, were used on the opposite end of a rattle, or the "gum stick" to help soothe a baby.

Modern pacifiers in the United States undergo an immense amount of regulation. Early models proved two-piece pacifiers and hard plastic pacifiers posed too much risk and required oversight. Today, the worry isn't so much in the material that is used, but IF pacifiers should be used! Concerns like "nipple confusion" or of orthodontic damage done if they are used too long into adolescence.

The concern about “nipple confusion” stems from trouble breast- and chest-feeding families may have if a pacifier is introduced too soon after birth. The thought is that a baby will be soothed by sucking and waive their natural cues to eat.

The other concern is that a baby will become used to sucking on the pacifier, and "forget" how to feed from the breast, making it harder for families to sustain that form of nutrition. We want to dispel the notion of "nipple confusion" for all those families who feel afraid to introduce a pacifier or bottle for fear of sabotaging a breastfeeding relationship.

Your baby is smart. Your baby is not confused!

Your baby understands that eating from a bottle is easier than latching and suckling. It isn't nipple confusion - it's nipple preference! So let's celebrate your smart baby! And we can support their need to suckle, and your desire to feed at the breast. Both can happen! To counter the smooth flow of milk from a bottle, we suggest you introduce Paced Bottle-Feeding.

If you want to use a pacifier, we recommend using it only when you know the pacifier is not delaying a feed. The need to suck is a real comfort, and some babies need to suck more than others. Pacifiers are a great way to help those babies find comfort in between feedings.

As for the type of pacifier to use, you may be feeling overwhelmed with the options!

Some brands you may consider:

• Natural rubber pacifier: natursutten

• Soothie Pacifier: One piece and easy to find in stores

• Soothie Pacifier: With detachable, and easy to clean toy

• Best for newborns: Mam Brand

One last note on pacifier use and when to introduce them:

Just like breastfeeding is a skill that your baby has to develop, learning how to suckle a pacifier and have the ability to hold it in one’s mouth is a skill that has to be developed! Many families wait to introduce a pacifier for fear it can damage a breastfeeding relationship, and inadvertently miss the window of opportunity to introduce its use.

So! We recommend introducing pacifiers (and bottles if you plan to use them AT ANY TIME in your feeding plan) between 6-10 weeks of age. They don’t have to be used all the time, but without at least some sporadic use, you will never get the benefits of these tools.

3 Things You Didn't Know Were A Part of Recovering From Birth

When you imagine your life after having a baby, it is easy to see the diapers, snuggling, and a slew of baby items taking up space in your house. And if you have been reading up on birth recovery, you know your physical needs will need to be a priority in those first weeks home as well. 

We want to share three real parts of recovering from birth in the U.S. that are becoming more and more "normal" but are still quite overwhelming and debilitating. Not because we want to scare you, but because it is never wrong to share about a potential struggle so it can benefit others from overcoming their own!

3 Normal Things in Postpartum Recovery That Can Feel Overwhelming

ONE - Anger, anxiety, and sadness will nestle into a new part of your awareness.

Many people in the U.S. are late to understand the magnitude of the "mindfulness movement" to heighten their emotional intelligence or participate more fully in their self-care rituals. Instead, it is common for feelings to be buried or ignored. Or more common, it is human nature to take any feelings of discomfort and pain and find ways to blame others as the cause. 

In the postpartum period, it is common to feel intense moods, positive and negative. Early stages are referred to as baby blues, and longer lasting symptoms may be signs of P.M.A.D.s like postpartum depression, or postpartum anxiety. Your feelings seem bigger, or maybe even out of control, and it may seem like you are a stranger to yourself. The postpartum person is one that deserves an immense amount of compassion and support. The feelings, changes, and experiences are all combined and are overwhelming. The overwhelm can feel debilitating. 

TWO - It is normal not to know what you want, or how to ask

Having a strong emotional ties to your baby is a developmental trait that has helped our species survive. AND it makes it very hard for some to accept help. But we also aren't designed to do parenthood in such small groups of only two-ish people! 

You may not have a lot of experience with a newborn.  You may not understand what is normal for them, let alone a new postpartum person.  And making sure everyone has what they need and want is a lot of stress! And let's not forget about the to-do lists and doctor appointments. Many women are taught from a very young age that they are the problem solvers and home makers, so learning to ask for help is a very hard thing to suddenly start doing if you have little practice with it.

THREE - Being a new parent with an infant is very, very lonely. 

Many families share with us things like they feel trapped, or they have no focus, they feel constantly tired, and their level of personal hygiene is surprising.

It is a drastic shift in time management when a newborn comes home. For very social people, having a new baby may mean their typical interactions are completely disturbed. And for those in a social circle who don’t have friends, they may find it hard to know how to help or talk about the new things going on in your life.

And for those who don’t have a wide social network that invites you out and helps you have a few shared experiences you enjoy, what seems like your normal behavior of spending time by yourself allows even less opportunity to ask for help.

Whether you are introverted or extroverted, we recommend having at least a two close friends commit to making a visit in the first weeks to spend face-to-face time with you.

Some Tools for working through these parts of postpartum healing: 

1. Since there is no getting away from this new you, advice straight from talk therapists is to "ground" yourself. Start by taking a deep breath to start, plant your feet firmly on the ground, and take a few breaths to imagine your breath traveling into your lungs, and then swirling around your limbs and organs until it reaches the farthest parts of you. Imagine your feet sinking into the floor.  Imagine being rooted to that spot for a few more deep breaths.  
   

2. And the second recommendation is to name what you feel as it is happening to you. By bringing awareness through naming, you are not letting your feelings take over, but you are respecting that they are important, and you see value in acknowledging all the work your mind and body are doing. 
   

3. Ask yourself these questions when you feel your emotions ramping up: "What would help me the most at this moment?" and "Are my basic needs being met?"
   
   If you have friends over, maybe what would help you the most is the garbage taken out — or getting a long hug from your partner — or going to the bathroom!  Take a minute to really look at that moment and forget about planning for what's next. 
   Another tool that helps to identify any needs that need attention is the acronym H.A.L.T.
   
   H.A.L.T. stands for hunger, anger, loneliness, and tired. If you are any of those things, getting those needs met needs to happen before other more complex decisions can be made.
   

Simple and Budget-Savvy Ideas for Soon-To-Be Moms

Babies are so many things — precious, miraculous, beautiful, fresh, sweet, innocent. Oh, and let’s not forget expensive! Our little bundles of joy involve a fair amount of spending, especially at the beginning. With that in mind, here’s how to prepare for your baby’s arrival so you’ll have everything you’ll need without going broke. 

Build a Killer Wardrobe

Throughout the months leading up to and following your baby’s arrival, your body will experience a steady flow of changes. While that might seem obvious, how to handle the effect on your wardrobe can be puzzling. 

One suggestion is to aim for a handful of basics with simple, forgiving styles and neutral colors.  That way, they can mix and match, providing you with a versatile foundation. Also, think in terms of stretchy, comfortable fabrics. Yoga pants, empire waist tops, and wrap dresses can go from the office to a party with the right accessories. 

Putting Me Together points out that you can rely on pieces in your existing wardrobe to help round things out. Fold-over skirts, blazers, and cardigans can stay with you throughout your body’s many transitions — just add a great scarf, belt, or statement necklace for a fab ensemble. By pairing eye-catching accessories with your well-chosen basics, you can enjoy a killer wardrobe throughout the transitions of the coming months. 

Be Ready for Anything

Moms wear a lot of hats, and once your baby is here, it won’t take long to realize you need to be ready for just about anything, all the time. With that in mind, Kindred Bravely suggests thinking outside the box when it’s time to pack your diaper bag. An extra T-shirt provides a fresh change in the event of an ill-timed spit up, hair ties keep your locks away from grabby little fingers, and a wet bag can come to the rescue when there is a mess you can’t properly dispose of, such as a diaper blowout or that spit-up-covered top. 

Research great deals and stock up now — when your little one is here and you’re tired from feedings and diaper changes, you’ll thank yourself for the forethought!

Baby-Friendly Basics

Babies have tender skin, and many moms struggle with finding economical, baby-safe products for the day-in, day-out rigmarole. However, you can DIY a bunch of things that are not only baby-friendly but also budget-friendly and earth-friendly. 

As an example, you can make laundry detergent using ingredients such as washing soda, baking soda, and liquid soap. Baby wipes can be constructed from old rags cut into squares, then soaked with a blend of gentle cleaning agents, such as witch hazel, almond oil, and aloe vera. You can even make a cleaning spray for toys by simply mixing water, distilled vinegar, and lemon essential oil in a spray bottle. You might want to mix up a small amount to take along in your diaper bag for sprucing up your baby’s things while you’re out and about.

Shop Around for Seats

When it comes to your baby’s safety, chances are you are willing to spend whatever it takes, but is it worthwhile to invest in a high-dollar car seat? The Penny Hoarder explains that you’ll likely be better off putting your effort into finding a car seat that fits your budget and purposes. All car seats sold in the US must meet minimum safety requirements, so after that, it’s primarily up to you to determine which bells and whistles matter to you. 

There are dollar-savvy advantages in the convertible and three-in-one style seats since your child can use them until a car seat is no longer needed. However, sometimes buying an infant seat and then moving to a booster is less costly. Shop around for the best deals, and have peace of mind with purchasing the car seat that fits your wallet. 

You have plenty to spend your money on in preparation for your baby, but a little planning can go a long way toward stretching your funds. Build a killer wardrobe with versatile basics, prep essentials, and shop around for great deals. Kids might not be cheap, but they’re worth it!

Your Day With a Postpartum Doula

“Good morning!”

“Good morning, how was your weekend?”

It’s Monday morning and your brand new baby has come home. You’ve been up what seems like every two hours feeding them and getting them back to sleep. Birth has, as it usually does, taken a toll on you, and you’re feeling the pressure of getting back to “normal”.

But it’s not normal.

Your Postpartum Doula knows this and soon you will too.

Settling into the new normal can often be a challenge for parents. As much as people wax poetic about what happens before and during the birth of your baby, it seems few talk about what happens when your baby comes home.

No worries. You’ve come prepared.

A day with a Postpartum Doula is a day with far fewer worries, far fewer stressors, and far more relaxation.

Your Doula, for example, might walk in and know right of the bat what needs to be done. They’ll usually run through the “normal” list of what might need attention.

Are there dishes in the sink? Is there laundry in the hamper? Are there bottles or pumped parts that need to be washed? Has everyone had something to eat?

A skilled Postpartum Doula will walk through these general touch points and be able to quickly assess and address anything that needs attention.

“Let me fill that water for you,” she may say, as you hold your baby in bed, “Is there a snack I can get you while I’m there?”

She’ll pop into the kitchen to grab whatever is needed, return and you’ll chat a bit. Maybe about your birth, maybe about how your baby is doing, maybe about how you’re feeling.

Whatever.

Your doula is sort of like your fill-in for the day-to-day housework and baby care that you may need a break from to rest. Our goal? To make sure your family eases into your new normal as peacefully as possible. That may include laundry, dishes, washing bottles, folding baby laundry, grabbing you a snack, or just holding your newborn while you take a shower for as long as you need.

“See you tomorrow!”

You’ve completed your first shift with your doula and, honestly, wouldn’t have it any other way.

Investing in Postpartum Support is investing in your health and sanity and it’s a beautiful gift to yourself and your family.

Enjoy your folded laundry. We’ll see you tomorrow.

OUCH! Is Breastfeeding Supposed to Hurt?

Your baby has entered the world and your breastfeeding journey has begun!

It’s going along and all of the sudden OUCH!

Out of nowhere, pinching or bleeding...is it supposed to be like this?

There’s a misconception surrounding breastfeeding that because it’s the biological norm it’s somehow effortless. Breastfeeding parents are often thrown for a loop when they figure out that isn’t the case and that, yes, it can even be painful.

While slight discomfort may be normal, extended pain is definitely not. Nor is bleeding, cracking, or extreme soreness.

Common Issues

Improper Latch

Dealing with the issues starts at the source. If you notice your nipples are excessively sore, cracked, or bleeding, it’s important to address the source of the discomfort. Often this ends up being a shallow or improper latch, causing baby to pull in areas they aren’t meant to. To avoid this, ensure baby is latched fully when nursing and that the areola is deep inside baby’s mouth. If these things aren’t the case, unlatch and try starting again.

If you aren’t sure, chat with your doula or a Lactation professional! Usually these things are quick and easy fixes but sometimes further evaluation into why the baby isn’t latching properly is necessary. It’s possible the root problem is a lip or tongue tie that will need to be diagnosed and possibly revised by a doctor.

Thrush

If you have persistent cracking and bleeding that doesn’t seem remedied, it’s possible you may have Thrush.

Yes, anyone can get it, not just babies!

Thrush is a yeast overgrowth that typically occurs in warm, moist places (like cracked nipples and baby mouths). Usually yeast are kept at bay but babies and newly postpartum mothers have compromised immune systems, leaving them susceptible to issues like Thrush. If this sounds like you, let your doctor know. You’ll need a prescription cream to kick that mess.

Engorgement

If your breasts feel rock-hard and sore, you may be engorged. Engorgement occurs when your breasts are unable to fully empty before they produce more milk. While it can be sort of normal in the early days once your milk fully transitions from Colostrum, it’s important to make sure you’re avoiding it. Persistent Engorgement could be a signal that you have Overproduction issues or Latch issues (a lot of it goes back to baby’s latch!).

If you’re engorged for an extended amount of time it’s possible to develop Mastitis. Mastitis is a nasty infection that you definitely don’t want to get with flu-like symptoms and rapidly spiking fevers. If you suspect you have it, contact your doctor ASAP. You’ll need Antibiotics to kick it.

Fixing the Problems

Now, you’re probably thinking, “Okay, that’s great that I know why but what can I do right now?”

Dry Healing

While in the past we were told to douse ourselves in Lanolin and Coconut Oil, new research suggests that dry healing is best. Keep nipples clean and dry aside from when you’re nursing.

Warm Showers, Baths, or Compresses

If you find yourself with soreness or engorgement, try a warm shower, bath, or compress to provide some relief. Engorgement or blocked ducts can also be helped by combining one of these options with massaging any sore spots toward the nipple.

Fix Baby’s Latch

Chat with a Lactation professional and have them evaluate how your baby is doing with latching. If the issue is latch, they’ll be able to adjust it and get you on the road to healing. An incredible local resource is Carolyn Honea of Lake Norman Breastfeeding Solutions! Visit her site here.

Contrary to what many older generations tell us, Breastfeeding pain is not normal nor should you suffer through it! Cracked and bleeding nipples, extreme soreness, and prolonged discomfort are not normal parts of breastfeeding and there is help to fix it!

The Village: Building a Mom Group Who Shares in Your Struggles

We used to live in villages. Nuclear families living in separate houses is actually a pretty modern idea. In these villages, veteran mothers and new mothers convened and shared mutual experiences. They talked about how difficult breastfeeding was or how frustrated they were that their baby wouldn’t sleep. They sought advice on how to deal with terrible twos and swapped stories of how hard it is to have sex when a toddler is busting down your door every two minutes.

Our modern framework for families has often left new mothers isolated, lonely, and without anyone to talk to. That’s why we’re pushing to bring back the village mentality and bring together moms. There is nothing quite like meeting someone who can relate to your experience. That’s why Mom bloggers are so popular! It makes you feel less alone when you know what you’re going through is common and even normal. Where can you meet moms?

MOPS or Mothers of Preschoolers is a great resource. Find your local MOPS group to connect with moms who have children around the same age as yours. Laugh, cry, and recount the stories of your latest blowout diaper or how you wore two different shoes to Target without judgment. Man it feels good to hear, “Oh, I’ve done that too!”

Blossom Tree Wellness brings together a group of moms on the first and third Friday of the month. Named “Meet the Village” (apt!) this group aims to bring support together for moms and impact the levels of Postpartum Depression among locals. Understanding that mothers often receive support before their babies are born but struggle to find it during the “fourth trimester” (after baby is born), bring your little and yourself for some fun and connection. Find more information about Blossom Tree Wellness here.

Unable to get your little one out? Even virtual support can be incredible for your mental health. Find a local moms group on Facebook (or create your own!) and get active! While these groups can sometimes be a wealth of drama, good ones will have admins who know how to squash that and keep things positive. Look for like-minded groups on Facebook that aren’t local to you. You may meet some of your closest friends that way!

Sometimes meeting groups of people can be overwhelming. A great idea is to invite a friend to come with you so you feel a bit more comfortable. Not okay with groups? Just invite over a mom! Some of the best friendships have come from someone reaching out and suggesting a playdate. Get your little one together with someone their age and talk it out with their mom.

Feelings of isolation run rampant in modern motherhood and there is no replacement for connecting with someone who shares in your joys or your pains. Walking through motherhood doesn’t have to be lonely. Connect with moms just like you locally and experience the magic of those three small words…

“Shit, me too!”

Our Favorite Toddler Shows (without Talking Animals)

Team Umizoomi

This cute show features two main characters, Milli and Geo, and a robot named Bot. Together they soar through space and explore math concepts. From counting to simple addition and subtraction, this show is a well done dive into prepping kids to enter preschool by introducing numbers in a fun way.

Little Einsteins

An oldie but a goody, Little Einsteins is based on the ideas behind the Baby Einstein franchise. This show’s main characters are Leo, Annie, June, and Quincy. They fly in their rocket and solve puzzles in each episode. Weaving classical paintings and music into each adventure, this show also introduces concepts like patterns, colors, and shapes.

Sid the Science Kid

In classic Ed Henson style, Sid the Science Kid features human-like characters who are very...well, Muppet-inspired. They are definitely kids and Sid, the lead, loves to explore new scientific questions, theories, and concepts. Touching on a range of subjects, this show is full of fun characters and learning.

Yo Gabba Gabba!

Okay, this show isn’t *technically* talking animals because they’re…..well, we don’t know what they are. But the’re not animals. Yo Gabba Gabba is a brilliantly colored show full of electronic music, emotions, and fun dances. While not educational in a school sense, it touches on everyday skills like sharing, brushing teeth, and getting ready for bed. Plus it features some of our favorite bands. This is one we’ll actually watch too.

Charlie and Lola

The misadventures of Charlie and Lola are somehow soothing and precious as these siblings stumble through life learning together. This UK-based show features soft colors, life lessons, and main characters with British accents. This one’s pretty sweet.

Top 5 Books for New Big Siblings

Becoming a big sibling can bring a range of emotions from excitement to fear. An incredible way to help kids talk about those things? Books! Read your littles stories of big brothers and big sisters to help them understand and relate to what the characters are going through. We’ve gathered 5 great options for your bedtime stories to add to your library.

1. Lola Reads to Leo by Anna McQuinn :

This sweet book highlights the main character, Lola, and her love of reading. She, of course, wants to introduce that love to her new baby brother. From bringing a soft book to her new brother’s crib to reading him a book in the evening, she thinks being a big sister is the “best gift of all”. This story promotes a love of reading and a love of sharing with the new baby, making it the perfect addition to your library.

2. The New Small Person by Lauren Child :

This story is a very familiar tale for many families. An older sibling and an unwelcome change to their dynamic. Elmore Green takes to calling his new sibling “it” and recounts the tale of how “it” licks his jelly bean collection! The shift from only child to older brother can be a tricky one and this book does a beautiful job of combining a common struggle with beautiful imagery and finally reaching the resolution of a new small person being a friend.

3. Once Upon a Baby Brother by Sarah Sullivan:

Older siblings can have very conflicting thoughts about a new baby joining their family. They have typically been the sole focus of their parents for their whole lives! With that shift comes a new dynamic. Sarah Sullivan tells this story from Lizzie, a celebrated and gifted storyteller’s perspective. It’s a sweet and helpful way to introduce the concept of a baby to a sibling who might be old enough to understand just what’s going on.

4. Outside Over There by Maurice Sendak :

A strange fantasy tale, this book is one full of differing emotions from love to resentment. When goblins steal Ida’s baby sister to make her a goblin bride, Ida must go “outside over there” to get her back. This may seem a weird addition to this list but everything that a new sibling goes through, emotion-wise.

5. Ish by Peter H Reynolds :

This book makes the list for the middle siblings. A story about Ramon and his love of drawing, his hopes, dreams, and joy are all dashed in a split second by a comment made by his older brother. When he realizes his art isn’t perfect, he plans to destroy it all until his younger sister steps in and helps him see that art doesn’t have to be perfect, it can be “-ish”. This story highlights both the importance of celebrating imperfections and the bond between siblings.

I Want to be Daniel Tiger's Mom

Photo Credit: https://www.fredrogers.org/

Who is your mom hero?

Mine is easy and also doesn’t actually exist. My mom hero?

Daniel Tiger’s mom. Easy answer.

First of all, Daniel and Margaret are adorable. They’re always dressed, bathed, fed healthy foods, and learning important life lessons. While they learn them everywhere, their mom is always there with a calm word and a song to help them.

Daniel’s mom (whose name is actually Collette, fun fact!) is always there with a kind word and a tune to sing. She gets two kids, a baby and a toddler, no less, ready for the day without tears, angst, or frustrated words. She never gets angry, she meets her offspring with an incredible amount of kindness even though she’s asked her son to put his shoes on literally 10 million times.

Goals.

If you’ve ever parented a baby and a preschooler you know that shit’s hard. Dealing with a teeny human and a slightly-less-teeny human is a whole thing. Between getting dressed, the resistance to getting dressed, mealtime, the resistance to mealtime...I think you see the pattern...getting two small ones ready and out the door can be a nightmare. Daniel Tiger’s Mom, however? She somehow always responds in kindness.

Wow.

Can we talk about her voice? She’s literally constantly kind. Her voice communicates kindness, love, and support each and every freaking time. She has a soothing, perfectly motherly voice that makes us want to either fall asleep or roll our eyes. We’re not sure. Probably both.

Literally, how?

We’re doulas here, let’s chat about pregnancy and childbirth. Momma Tiger carried that baby with more grace than we’ve probably ever seen. She then birthed that baby and walked home. Genuinely impressed (and don’t recommend, to be honest, but we digress). She was an inspiration of calm, even when she knew she was bringing Baby Margaret into the world that day!

Remember Banana Swirl?? That’s some Pinterest Mom shit. How were we supposed to know you could freeze bananas and fool your kids into thinking it was actual ice cream? We’re literally still not sure that would fly in our house. So not only is she brilliant, she’s brave AF for trying that one.

Basically she’s our shining example of what a mom should be. Kind, loving, patient, always ready with a teaching moment, and adorable. Thank you, Mama Tiger, for showing us all what we should aspire to (and how to be kind to ourselves when we mess up).

You're Outnumbered. Now What?

Congratulations and welcome to the club! You are going to be outnumbered soon and will know what it really feels like to have your hands full. You already feel stretched thin and the thought of adding one more child seems impossible. You’re right. While you may be at your limit, that doesn’t mean you are completely maxed out. You are just maxed out right now. Once you welcome your new little squish into your home you will learn to cope with even more demands on your time, I promise. Here are some things that helped me when I became a mother of three. Remember, you got this.

1.       Lower the expectations. Unfortunately, motherhood is nothing like the movies (you learned this real fast in the labor and delivery room) yet the expectations we put on ourselves might as well be. It’s a trend that needs to go away and go away real fast. We are quick to judge ourselves harshly based on what Penelope Perfect posted on Instagram. What?! Girlfriend, give yourself grace, love yourself and for the love…lower the expectations! You may think you are doing a shit job as a mother of three (or more) but the fact that you are taking the time to read this right now says a lot. It tells me you are a kick ass mom. Keep doing what your doing and please continue reading. It gets better.

2.       Take the help. There’s no need to try and do everything on your own. Believe it or not, people want to help mothers when they bring home a new baby. When they offer anything, take it! When they ask, “what do you need?”, tell them and don’t be shy about it. I’m sure later down the road you will be happy to return the favor when they need you because your awesome like that.

3.       Babywear. This one is pretty straight forward. Wear that baby! Trust me mama, it will make caring for the big kids so much easier. We are talking about free hands after all. Your baby can even catch a snooze on your chest while you drop your older kids off at school.

4.       Meal plan. I know what you may be thinking. This sounds like a HUGE task and impossible right now but sit tight and refer back to tip #1 if you need a refresher. Meal planning does not have to be this perfect thing you found on Pinterest. Think simple. Start with snacks. I’ve learned the quickest way to a toddler meltdown revolves around food. By the way, toddlers have the worst timing of anyone I know. The second you sit down to feed your newborn the big kids will get the memo and want to eat too. Like, right now! The quickest way to fix this problem is to have easy snacks prepped and ready to go. Your kids can still eat healthy without you standing in front of the fridge wondering what to give them.

Another great way to stay ahead of the food game is to meal prep with friends. Grab the wine and turn this into a fun time with girlfriends. They may be in the same boat you are and would love to spend time prepping meals with you.

 5.       Self-Care day. Self-care is key! You can’t give what you don’t have so if you are running on empty, girl fill your tank. There’s no right or wrong way to do this and may even require some experimenting. You may find taking a full morning, afternoon, or an entire day to get exactly what you need. How does a weekend away with girlfriends sound? You may not be at that level yet but when you get there, I highly suggest it.

For now, start by asking your partner, your mother, your mother-in-law or your really close friend to help give you a break. Let me be clear, this time is all about YOU! This is not the time to wash the dishes, fold laundry or clean the house. Find a quiet place and read a book, plug into your favorite podcast or binge watch that Nexflix series you’ve been putting off for so long. It’s ok to be selfish sometimes, healthy even. Think of it like a teaching tool for your kids. By taking care of yourself, you are teaching your children the importance of self-care. You are showing them, hey, it’s ok to ask for help.

Bonus tip. Hire a postpartum doula. What’s a postpartum doula you ask? A postpartum doula is postpartum & newborn care expert that is there for you in ways you need her most. Light housekeeping, meal prep, laundry, and breastfeeding support are just a few things you can expect when you hire a postpartum doula. Overnight care, you got it! Your doula is happy to feed your baby and give you the night off so you can catch up on sleep and recharge. Breastfeeding? That’s cool too. We can bring your baby to you when she’s ready to nurse and then soothe her back to sleep so you can do the same.

Uptown Doula is here to lend an extra set of hands. Visit our webiste to learn more about what we do to help support Charlotte familes. You can also find more awesome blogs just like this one!

You may be outnumbered and that’s ok but remember, you got this.

USE YOUR B.R.A.I.N.

We all know that life often hands us situations that are … difficult… you know the ones that make your blood boil, that cause us to come out of the side of our necks. While in public we can swallow, keep our cool and mover forward, this is not always the case behind closed doors.

Our families have a special talent for pushing our buttons, they may even install new ones.

Our kids are no exception, our kids can… well… cause us to react in ways we are not always proud of.

That’s right most experts say take a deep breath and respond rather than react to your situation, and that is great in theory. But, how do we do that?

The only way to achieve a guaranteed response and not reaction is to use our B.R.A.I.N.

Ask Yourself?!? B - Benefits - What is the BENEFIT to choosing to do this? R - Risk – What are the RISKS involved in doing this? A - Alternatives - Are there any ALTERNATIVES to doing this? I - Instincts - What is your INSTINCT or gut feeling telling you to do? N - Nothing - What if you do absolutely NOTHING right now?

These 5 simple questions are guaranteed to turn the situation around. Asking them gives you a moment to pause, it takes you out of an emotional state, and brings you into the rational.

This is how a reaction becomes a response.

It always helps to have a support network, your doula, a circle of peers, other parents you trust, ones who you hold in high regard for their choices in parenting.

Sometimes feedback isn’t necessary, it’s not their opinions you seek. This might even infuriate you further, utilize them nonetheless, just having a sounding board can be beneficial.

Remember, you will always find unbiased, nonjudgmental support with you Uptown Doula.