7 Things No One Told Me About Postpartum

This weeks blog is a bit different. We talk so much about pregnancy and birth, sometimes the vulnerable, post partum stage of having a baby gets left behind. Pregnancy was such an amazing time from the moment I got a positive pregnancy test. I feel like, and im sure almost everyone can relate, every bit of planning was based around pregnancy, labor and birth, and then baby once baby is here. What you should eat during pregnancy, best tips for labor, etc. What I felt like they didn’t prepare me for much was the post partum part of having a baby. The care for the birthing person after baby is born is not as intensive as I thought it would be. There is maybe one 6 week post partum visit and then youre on your way. I can sit here and talk about the lack of post partum care in the U.S all night, but instead, ill just share the top 7 things about post partum no body warned me about. Sorry if this gets intense, but then again, post partum is not for the weak, its ALL intense. Shit’s about to get REAL.

The not so pretty truth.

THE TEARS. Nobody told me how many tears I would cry the first few days, hell even the first few weeks. I was not prepared for the hormone changes, YET AGAIN. I remember one time coming home from the hospital, I sat on my bed and for no reason, just burst into tears. I remember thinking and feeling so silly because I wasn’t sad, I was the happiest I had been in a long time, I mean I just brought my baby home and life was amazing. WHY WAS I CRYING? Why did I feel this overwhelming sensation to just bawl my eyes out. Ill tell you why… HORMONES. Lesson learned? Cry. Just freaking cry. It feels good. And no youre not crazy.

THE SWEATS. Not only was I unprepared for the crying, but I have to sweat too?? The hormones have me crying, sweating so much that im waking up drenched, I seriously had no idea. It was one of those cold sweats that you get when youre sick… but youre not sick. You just had a baby. 

THE LACK OF SLEEP. This one is an obvious one because…duh new baby. But the kind of not ever sleeping again im talking about is the kind where you just cant do anything but stare at your sleeping newborn baby. Talk about love at first sight…am I right? You should be sleeping but staring at that little teeny bit of perfection is much better than sleeping. 

THE BLEEDING. I knew down there wouldn’t be too pretty for a long time but having almost a literal period for almost like a month… month and a half? Totally not prepared for. I had to wear a pad and granny panties for way longer than I expected. And why was there so much blood? I don’t think I wanted to stand up for days because of the ick I felt when I did. I couldn’t walk straight for weeks. 

THE CRAMPS. Contractions during labor are a given.. obviously. How about contractions AFTER birth? LOL yes.. it’s a thing. I remember crying out for something to help the contractions during breastfeeding. They are no joke. Turns out its actually a good thing though. As you breastfeed, or even if you don’t, your uterus contracts to go back down to normal size after the birth of your baby. Sooo lots of curse words if that’s your things. It was for me.

THE SORE NIPPLES. This is totally just a breastfeeding thing but holy nipples. Once your milk comes in, your breasts are going to HURT. And then your nipples hurt. If your baby has a bad latch, they also might crack and bleed. How absolutely wonderful is that? 

THE LOVE. I feel like this is an obvious one but the amount of love youll have for this precious life you and your partner created is unmatched. Out of all the things everyone prepped me for becoming a parent….the LOVE was definitely one that was accurate.

Becoming a parent is tough and definitely not textbook, its different for everyone. But I hope you find some peace and comfort in this crazy journey throughout parenthood. Remember that you matter, and its okay to ask for help if you feel you are struggling in your postpartum journey, visit Postpartum Support International. Here you will find many helpful resources including a help line and weekly meetings.

Whether you are looking for an extra set of hands or you just need a good night’s sleep, your postpartum doula is here for you. Overnight care is a wonderful option for new parents because you get quality sleep while your doula takes care of everything else.

If you are interested in more information and want to connect with your doula today, you can find us at Uptown Doula.

Written by: Natalie Story

3 Things You Didn't Know Were A Part of Recovering From Birth

When you imagine your life after having a baby, it is easy to see the diapers, snuggling, and a slew of baby items taking up space in your house. And if you have been reading up on birth recovery, you know your physical needs will need to be a priority in those first weeks home as well. 

We want to share three real parts of recovering from birth in the U.S. that are becoming more and more "normal" but are still quite overwhelming and debilitating. Not because we want to scare you, but because it is never wrong to share about a potential struggle so it can benefit others from overcoming their own!

3 Normal Things in Postpartum Recovery That Can Feel Overwhelming

ONE - Anger, anxiety, and sadness will nestle into a new part of your awareness.

Many people in the U.S. are late to understand the magnitude of the "mindfulness movement" to heighten their emotional intelligence or participate more fully in their self-care rituals. Instead, it is common for feelings to be buried or ignored. Or more common, it is human nature to take any feelings of discomfort and pain and find ways to blame others as the cause. 

In the postpartum period, it is common to feel intense moods, positive and negative. Early stages are referred to as baby blues, and longer lasting symptoms may be signs of P.M.A.D.s like postpartum depression, or postpartum anxiety. Your feelings seem bigger, or maybe even out of control, and it may seem like you are a stranger to yourself. The postpartum person is one that deserves an immense amount of compassion and support. The feelings, changes, and experiences are all combined and are overwhelming. The overwhelm can feel debilitating. 

TWO - It is normal not to know what you want, or how to ask

Having a strong emotional ties to your baby is a developmental trait that has helped our species survive. AND it makes it very hard for some to accept help. But we also aren't designed to do parenthood in such small groups of only two-ish people! 

You may not have a lot of experience with a newborn.  You may not understand what is normal for them, let alone a new postpartum person.  And making sure everyone has what they need and want is a lot of stress! And let's not forget about the to-do lists and doctor appointments. Many women are taught from a very young age that they are the problem solvers and home makers, so learning to ask for help is a very hard thing to suddenly start doing if you have little practice with it.

THREE - Being a new parent with an infant is very, very lonely. 

Many families share with us things like they feel trapped, or they have no focus, they feel constantly tired, and their level of personal hygiene is surprising.

It is a drastic shift in time management when a newborn comes home. For very social people, having a new baby may mean their typical interactions are completely disturbed. And for those in a social circle who don’t have friends, they may find it hard to know how to help or talk about the new things going on in your life.

And for those who don’t have a wide social network that invites you out and helps you have a few shared experiences you enjoy, what seems like your normal behavior of spending time by yourself allows even less opportunity to ask for help.

Whether you are introverted or extroverted, we recommend having at least a two close friends commit to making a visit in the first weeks to spend face-to-face time with you.

Some Tools for working through these parts of postpartum healing: 

1. Since there is no getting away from this new you, advice straight from talk therapists is to "ground" yourself. Start by taking a deep breath to start, plant your feet firmly on the ground, and take a few breaths to imagine your breath traveling into your lungs, and then swirling around your limbs and organs until it reaches the farthest parts of you. Imagine your feet sinking into the floor.  Imagine being rooted to that spot for a few more deep breaths.  
   

2. And the second recommendation is to name what you feel as it is happening to you. By bringing awareness through naming, you are not letting your feelings take over, but you are respecting that they are important, and you see value in acknowledging all the work your mind and body are doing. 
   

3. Ask yourself these questions when you feel your emotions ramping up: "What would help me the most at this moment?" and "Are my basic needs being met?"
   
   If you have friends over, maybe what would help you the most is the garbage taken out — or getting a long hug from your partner — or going to the bathroom!  Take a minute to really look at that moment and forget about planning for what's next. 
   Another tool that helps to identify any needs that need attention is the acronym H.A.L.T.
   
   H.A.L.T. stands for hunger, anger, loneliness, and tired. If you are any of those things, getting those needs met needs to happen before other more complex decisions can be made.
   

Your Day With a Postpartum Doula

“Good morning!”

“Good morning, how was your weekend?”

It’s Monday morning and your brand new baby has come home. You’ve been up what seems like every two hours feeding them and getting them back to sleep. Birth has, as it usually does, taken a toll on you, and you’re feeling the pressure of getting back to “normal”.

But it’s not normal.

Your Postpartum Doula knows this and soon you will too.

Settling into the new normal can often be a challenge for parents. As much as people wax poetic about what happens before and during the birth of your baby, it seems few talk about what happens when your baby comes home.

No worries. You’ve come prepared.

A day with a Postpartum Doula is a day with far fewer worries, far fewer stressors, and far more relaxation.

Your Doula, for example, might walk in and know right of the bat what needs to be done. They’ll usually run through the “normal” list of what might need attention.

Are there dishes in the sink? Is there laundry in the hamper? Are there bottles or pumped parts that need to be washed? Has everyone had something to eat?

A skilled Postpartum Doula will walk through these general touch points and be able to quickly assess and address anything that needs attention.

“Let me fill that water for you,” she may say, as you hold your baby in bed, “Is there a snack I can get you while I’m there?”

She’ll pop into the kitchen to grab whatever is needed, return and you’ll chat a bit. Maybe about your birth, maybe about how your baby is doing, maybe about how you’re feeling.

Whatever.

Your doula is sort of like your fill-in for the day-to-day housework and baby care that you may need a break from to rest. Our goal? To make sure your family eases into your new normal as peacefully as possible. That may include laundry, dishes, washing bottles, folding baby laundry, grabbing you a snack, or just holding your newborn while you take a shower for as long as you need.

“See you tomorrow!”

You’ve completed your first shift with your doula and, honestly, wouldn’t have it any other way.

Investing in Postpartum Support is investing in your health and sanity and it’s a beautiful gift to yourself and your family.

Enjoy your folded laundry. We’ll see you tomorrow.

OUCH! Is Breastfeeding Supposed to Hurt?

Your baby has entered the world and your breastfeeding journey has begun!

It’s going along and all of the sudden OUCH!

Out of nowhere, pinching or bleeding...is it supposed to be like this?

There’s a misconception surrounding breastfeeding that because it’s the biological norm it’s somehow effortless. Breastfeeding parents are often thrown for a loop when they figure out that isn’t the case and that, yes, it can even be painful.

While slight discomfort may be normal, extended pain is definitely not. Nor is bleeding, cracking, or extreme soreness.

Common Issues

Improper Latch

Dealing with the issues starts at the source. If you notice your nipples are excessively sore, cracked, or bleeding, it’s important to address the source of the discomfort. Often this ends up being a shallow or improper latch, causing baby to pull in areas they aren’t meant to. To avoid this, ensure baby is latched fully when nursing and that the areola is deep inside baby’s mouth. If these things aren’t the case, unlatch and try starting again.

If you aren’t sure, chat with your doula or a Lactation professional! Usually these things are quick and easy fixes but sometimes further evaluation into why the baby isn’t latching properly is necessary. It’s possible the root problem is a lip or tongue tie that will need to be diagnosed and possibly revised by a doctor.

Thrush

If you have persistent cracking and bleeding that doesn’t seem remedied, it’s possible you may have Thrush.

Yes, anyone can get it, not just babies!

Thrush is a yeast overgrowth that typically occurs in warm, moist places (like cracked nipples and baby mouths). Usually yeast are kept at bay but babies and newly postpartum mothers have compromised immune systems, leaving them susceptible to issues like Thrush. If this sounds like you, let your doctor know. You’ll need a prescription cream to kick that mess.

Engorgement

If your breasts feel rock-hard and sore, you may be engorged. Engorgement occurs when your breasts are unable to fully empty before they produce more milk. While it can be sort of normal in the early days once your milk fully transitions from Colostrum, it’s important to make sure you’re avoiding it. Persistent Engorgement could be a signal that you have Overproduction issues or Latch issues (a lot of it goes back to baby’s latch!).

If you’re engorged for an extended amount of time it’s possible to develop Mastitis. Mastitis is a nasty infection that you definitely don’t want to get with flu-like symptoms and rapidly spiking fevers. If you suspect you have it, contact your doctor ASAP. You’ll need Antibiotics to kick it.

Fixing the Problems

Now, you’re probably thinking, “Okay, that’s great that I know why but what can I do right now?”

Dry Healing

While in the past we were told to douse ourselves in Lanolin and Coconut Oil, new research suggests that dry healing is best. Keep nipples clean and dry aside from when you’re nursing.

Warm Showers, Baths, or Compresses

If you find yourself with soreness or engorgement, try a warm shower, bath, or compress to provide some relief. Engorgement or blocked ducts can also be helped by combining one of these options with massaging any sore spots toward the nipple.

Fix Baby’s Latch

Chat with a Lactation professional and have them evaluate how your baby is doing with latching. If the issue is latch, they’ll be able to adjust it and get you on the road to healing. An incredible local resource is Carolyn Honea of Lake Norman Breastfeeding Solutions! Visit her site here.

Contrary to what many older generations tell us, Breastfeeding pain is not normal nor should you suffer through it! Cracked and bleeding nipples, extreme soreness, and prolonged discomfort are not normal parts of breastfeeding and there is help to fix it!

The Village: Building a Mom Group Who Shares in Your Struggles

We used to live in villages. Nuclear families living in separate houses is actually a pretty modern idea. In these villages, veteran mothers and new mothers convened and shared mutual experiences. They talked about how difficult breastfeeding was or how frustrated they were that their baby wouldn’t sleep. They sought advice on how to deal with terrible twos and swapped stories of how hard it is to have sex when a toddler is busting down your door every two minutes.

Our modern framework for families has often left new mothers isolated, lonely, and without anyone to talk to. That’s why we’re pushing to bring back the village mentality and bring together moms. There is nothing quite like meeting someone who can relate to your experience. That’s why Mom bloggers are so popular! It makes you feel less alone when you know what you’re going through is common and even normal. Where can you meet moms?

MOPS or Mothers of Preschoolers is a great resource. Find your local MOPS group to connect with moms who have children around the same age as yours. Laugh, cry, and recount the stories of your latest blowout diaper or how you wore two different shoes to Target without judgment. Man it feels good to hear, “Oh, I’ve done that too!”

Blossom Tree Wellness brings together a group of moms on the first and third Friday of the month. Named “Meet the Village” (apt!) this group aims to bring support together for moms and impact the levels of Postpartum Depression among locals. Understanding that mothers often receive support before their babies are born but struggle to find it during the “fourth trimester” (after baby is born), bring your little and yourself for some fun and connection. Find more information about Blossom Tree Wellness here.

Unable to get your little one out? Even virtual support can be incredible for your mental health. Find a local moms group on Facebook (or create your own!) and get active! While these groups can sometimes be a wealth of drama, good ones will have admins who know how to squash that and keep things positive. Look for like-minded groups on Facebook that aren’t local to you. You may meet some of your closest friends that way!

Sometimes meeting groups of people can be overwhelming. A great idea is to invite a friend to come with you so you feel a bit more comfortable. Not okay with groups? Just invite over a mom! Some of the best friendships have come from someone reaching out and suggesting a playdate. Get your little one together with someone their age and talk it out with their mom.

Feelings of isolation run rampant in modern motherhood and there is no replacement for connecting with someone who shares in your joys or your pains. Walking through motherhood doesn’t have to be lonely. Connect with moms just like you locally and experience the magic of those three small words…

“Shit, me too!”

Birth Options: Use Your BRAIN!

Pregnancy and birth can be an experience full of tons of different emotions. One we see frequently is worry! What procedures are “okay”? Which options do you have? With everything you need to decide, it seems impossible to know the “right” answers to each and every question. In most cases, though, there isn’t a “right” answer, just an answer that is right for you!

As doulas, we have a brilliant method of helping you explore your options. Simply use your BRAIN!

No, really. B.R.A.I.N.

This is a really quick and easy way to explore what your options are and make a choice that works for your family.

Let’s use an Epidural as an example and walk through what it might look like to use your BRAIN to make a quick decision.

Benefits

Ask “what are the benefits of this procedure/decision?” Answers are often health of baby, comfort of mom, or improved outcome overall. The

In our scenario, the benefits of an epidural might be increased comfort of birthing person which could result in sleep, allowing them to recover the strength they need for pushing in the event of a long labor.

Risks

What are the risks of the decision? The risk of an epidural might be decreased feeling which leads to less control during pushing, loss of mobility (meaning the rest of the labor will continue in bed), and inability to use a shower/bath as a means of comfort.

Alternatives

What are the alternatives? In the example of an epidural, alternatives may be any other physical comfort measure that provides relief. A warm bath or shower, counterpressure, massage, distraction, Rebozo, or position change could all be considered alternatives.

Intuition

What does your intuition say? We are often more in tune with our bodies than we give ourselves credit for and taking a moment to pause and reflect may give you a great idea of what the right decision is for you.

Nothing

What happens if we do nothing? In the case of an epidural, doing nothing does...well, nothing. If we do nothing we could wait an hour and come back to the option again. It doesn’t take it off the table, just changes the timeline.

This super simple system (try saying that five times fast!) is an easy way to explore your options quickly and help you make a decision. Sometimes we have more time to research and don’t need a snap decision. In these instances, using BRAIN will still help walk you through exactly what you need to research.

Making the right decision for your family is important! Exploring your options for laboring, birthing, pushing, feeding, and even birthplace often leads to feeling more empowered, more secure, and having a better birth experience. Whatever you decide, we’re here!