baby

4 Friends You Need For Postpartum Recovery

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Having gone through many postpartum experiences with the families who hire us for labor support and postpartum support, we have identified some pretty important people. They are The Friends.  The front line for emotional security when you are trying to figure out what life looks like with a baby in it. 

These friends could be individuals, or maybe one friend checks off a couple of these boxes. But however they appear, these folks are saints, and we love them for their contributions to healing postpartum families. 


The Hold My Baby Friend


This is a friend that leaves you feeling relieved to have someone you trust to hold your baby. They don't make a big deal out doing it. They look genuinely pleased to take up the task. And the kicker, they aren't offended if you want your baby back. The Hold My Baby Friend is a person who understands that you may need a break to do things like go to the bathroom, or lift your arms above your head. This friend puts you to ease when they are holding your baby, instead of putting you on edge. They are magical. 


The Meme Friend

This is a friend to delivers on your need for a 45-second break. There is nothing like a well-timed meme-delivery when a new parent is on the edge of losing it. A laugh, guffaw, or smirk also helps break up the sometimes-overwhelming reality of always thinking about a newborn. Just a quick 45-second vacation can sometimes turn around your whole day to know you are not alone. 

The Friend Who Feeds You


It's really incredible that, often after having a baby, new parents are not good at feeding themselves. Especially if that parent is breastfeeding. The Friend Who Feeds You can look like a lot of things: It could be the person organizing a meal train; the person who stops by to literally only hand you food through the door and leave; or the person who, when they come over, somehow turns what you have into a meal and makes sure you put some of it in your mouth before they leave. The Friend Who Feeds You may even trick you into eating, saying they need a bite to eat, then makes enough for you to nibble right along through the whole visit without ever pressuring you into doing anything. 


The Check-In Friend


We love the Check-in Friend, and the Check-in Friend loves you. This friend is a great listener and great at asking questions. They affirm as they are listening, saying things like, "That sounds hard, I'm so glad you shared that with me." The Check-in Friend genuinely cares about your body and your mind through this, and ideally, makes you feel safe sharing with them. They can ask about struggles, joys, surprising moments, and the raw emotion of the experience. They want to know. It is not a hardship for them to help carry the weight of this new lifestyle with you. 


For all these friends and others who help fill the gaps, we salute them all!   They share in loving your kiddo and ride through the precious moments of parenthood with you. We are not capable or intended to parent inside a bubble, but to share the ups and downs together. Don't be afraid to ask for help. And don't be scared to accept the help these loving friends are happy to offer!

Fact About Sleep

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There is a lot of misinformation circulated by well-meaning friends and sources about infant sleep. Who are you supposed to trust when it comes to getting your baby to rest? There are aunties, experienced parents, blogs, and pediatricians who all have THE tools to get your baby to sleep reliably.

Still, when you try to implement what they say, it ends up being a mish-mash of a little bit of one thing, and some of what you remembered reading, and the all-too-real stuff of what actually worked to get your baby to dreamland.

We love helping families learn strategies to use with their children, and learn how they can best meet their kids where they are at in their sleep journey. One of the most important factors in getting to the roots of their information, and give a foundation of facts. From there, we get to layer your baby's personality, needs, and lifestyle on top of it. Here are some facts about sleep every parent should know

Sleep is essential, and if your baby is overtired, your priority is to get them sleep of any kind.

An overtired baby may not be easily soothed, but getting your baby sleep has to happen before you can use trusted tools to help them going forward. So if going for a walk, using a babywearing device, going for a drive, or holding your baby is the only way you know to get them sleep, we start there.

Having help for this part is usually a game-changer, and a trusted friend, tagging out with a partner, or hiring a postpartum doula is an excellent option for helping you to stem the seemingly endless need for your baby to be attached to you.

Advice from your pediatrician does not always follow safe sleep guidelines - and it can be a problem.

Many pediatricians advise having an elevated sleep surface or using rolled towels or blankets to prop or move your baby into a position that helps them sleep, especially if your baby has any sort of reflux. This is not recommended by the AAP and does not follow safe sleep recommendations.

Having conflicted professionals giving you advice is part of the struggle parents have to navigate. Educating yourself on why those recommendations are offered is as important as getting the information.

Your baby does not sleep the same way you do - so you can't expect them to sleep the way you do.

Your baby is not physically or mentally wired to go to sleep like you are. Your baby has seldom been in the positions we place them to sleep as newborns, and they have sleep reflexes that have helped keep our species alive until they are better able to care for themselves. These reflexes make it hard for babies to have long stretches of sleep.

Learning about your baby's sleep cycles and how your baby's brain works are some ways you can quiet expectations of your wee babe.

Babies show sleepiness in varying stages.

Like there are hunger cues to learn, there are sleep cues you can learn. Both have early, mid, and late signals.

Here are some early, mid, and late cues your baby is tired and ready for sleep:

Early:

Spacing, or gazing for periods of time
Red-rimmed eyes
Jerking head or arm movements

Mid:

Trying to pull or grab their face
Yawning
"Settling sounds" like grunts or squeaks, or long sighs

Late:

Crying
Being hard to soothe
Back is arched, or very tight muscles and rigid body

Sleep begets sleep, and putting off a nap will not make a baby sleep longer or later.

Depending on your child's age, it may seem like all you are doing after they wake up is getting ready for their next nap - and after getting a diaper change, and more food, it very well may be the case! But your baby needs to sleep A LOT, which means their awake times seem to move pretty quickly.

One thing that is not true is that prolonging awake time will make babies sleep "better" or "longer." When sleep is stalled, babies need extra help to calm and be soothed. Their naps most likely will remain the same length because of the way they cycle through sleep, meaning they only get less sleep overall.

The sleep cycles for babies mean they are designed to have more periods where they can be woken up by hunger, wetness, or other basic needs as a survival mechanism. Their ability to "rationalize" through light sleeping times and self soothe back to sleep depends on age, overall weight gain, and having developmental milestones met.

Sleep needs to be evaluated in a 24-hour period, not just overnight.

Some of the confusion about helping babies sleep in longer stretches, is that their daytime routine needs to be considered as well. If your baby is not able to have restorative sleep during the day, it is harder for them to have restorative sleep at night. They may be exerting too much energy and need to have more calories. They may need help to nap with the use of a sound machine or reducing noise or light. Or, It may be early cues are missed, and the window for sleep gets missed until the next cycle for sleep is next available.

Are You Scared To Give Your Baby A Pacifier?

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Soothies, binkie, paci...whatever you call it in your family, pacifiers have been used for generations.

Before polymers were used from the discovery of rubber trees, cultures around the world used things like beads made of wood, or other things like ivory, mother-of-pearl, bone, or coral, were used on the opposite end of a rattle, or the "gum stick" to help soothe a baby.

Modern pacifiers in the United States undergo an immense amount of regulation. Early models proved two-piece pacifiers and hard plastic pacifiers posed too much risk and required oversight. Today, the worry isn't so much in the material that is used, but IF pacifiers should be used! Concerns like "nipple confusion" or of orthodontic damage done if they are used too long into adolescence.

The concern about “nipple confusion” stems from trouble breast- and chest-feeding families may have if a pacifier is introduced too soon after birth. The thought is that a baby will be soothed by sucking and waive their natural cues to eat.

The other concern is that a baby will become used to sucking on the pacifier, and "forget" how to feed from the breast, making it harder for families to sustain that form of nutrition. We want to dispel the notion of "nipple confusion" for all those families who feel afraid to introduce a pacifier or bottle for fear of sabotaging a breastfeeding relationship.

Your baby is smart. Your baby is not confused!

Your baby understands that eating from a bottle is easier than latching and suckling. It isn't nipple confusion - it's nipple preference! So let's celebrate your smart baby! And we can support their need to suckle, and your desire to feed at the breast. Both can happen! To counter the smooth flow of milk from a bottle, we suggest you introduce Paced Bottle-Feeding.

If you want to use a pacifier, we recommend using it only when you know the pacifier is not delaying a feed. The need to suck is a real comfort, and some babies need to suck more than others. Pacifiers are a great way to help those babies find comfort in between feedings.

As for the type of pacifier to use, you may be feeling overwhelmed with the options!

Some brands you may consider:

One last note on pacifier use and when to introduce them:

Just like breastfeeding is a skill that your baby has to develop, learning how to suckle a pacifier and have the ability to hold it in one’s mouth is a skill that has to be developed! Many families wait to introduce a pacifier for fear it can damage a breastfeeding relationship, and inadvertently miss the window of opportunity to introduce its use.

So! We recommend introducing pacifiers (and bottles if you plan to use them AT ANY TIME in your feeding plan) between 6-10 weeks of age. They don’t have to be used all the time, but without at least some sporadic use, you will never get the benefits of these tools.

What Should You Bring To Your Hospital Birth?

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There are so many ways to pack for your hospital birth.

Do you like to have options?
Do you feel best being prepared for any possible need?
Do you need fewer options, so you feel less overwhelmed?


Only you know how you operate best in stressful situations. 

Your hospital bag can serve so many other functions, too, besides holding all your stuff!
Is planning your bag something that helps you relax in the days leading up to labor? Does it make you happy to put it together? Do you like a challenge to start with ALL the things and then whittle it down to what will fit in your ideal case?

OR

Do you see birth as a short overnight trip away from home and pack economically?


Packing your hospital bag can be a “labor project” or something that helps you take your mind off some of the stress the end of pregnancy can place on you.

Here is the part where we reassure you and offer the reminder that people often have babies at inopportune times. And the hospital has things to help everyone - not just people with their overnight bag. Things like toothpaste and toothbrushes, towels and wash rags, and those lovely hospital gowns to keep your clothes as fresh as possible. 

But let's hope you won't need to walk into a hospital off the street, and you'll have time to go to the hospital in the way and manner of your dreams. With that as the plan, what would you bring? 

The items below are listed as a building set. Based on our experiences, we have seen families use the following items and appreciate their being with them from "Essential" to "All The Things." Have fun reading through, and if you think of something that would be perfect for you and it isn't here - pack that too!

What To Pack For Your Hospital Birth

Essential:

  • Wallet: medical card, ID, Debit or Credit card

  • Cell phone & charger

  • 2 Shirts

  • 2 Pants with elastic waist

  • Slip-on shoes

  • Dop Kit: toothbrush & toothpaste, chapstick, any medication & glasses

  • Carseat

Added comfort: 

  • Robe

  • Slippers

  • Book/magazine

  • 2 Nursing bras

  • Dop Kit: lotion, facial cleansing cloths, brush, hairbands, shampoo & conditioner

  • Hand fan

  • Water bottle

  • Snacks

  • Headphones

  • Baby: going home outfit, muslin blanket

  • Underwear for going home

A bit more for the unknown:

  • A printed copy of your birth plan

  • Pillow

  • Preferred nipple cream

  • Breast pads

  • Tissues

  • Extra outfit for baby

  • Essential oils

  • Belly Band

  • Hand cream

  • Battery-powered fan

  • Towel

  • Bluetooth speaker

  • Flipflops

Details for all the things you want: 

  • Any tools you imagine for pain management: birth ball & pump, tennis balls and/or massage tools

  • TENS Unit

  • Rebozo or woven scarf

  • Heating pad

  • Meditations and/or affirmations

  • Eye mask & earplugs

  • Props/outfit for newborn photos

Simple and Budget-Savvy Ideas for Soon-To-Be Moms

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Babies are so many things — precious, miraculous, beautiful, fresh, sweet, innocent. Oh, and let’s not forget expensive! Our little bundles of joy involve a fair amount of spending, especially at the beginning. With that in mind, here’s how to prepare for your baby’s arrival so you’ll have everything you’ll need without going broke. 

 

Build a Killer Wardrobe

 

Throughout the months leading up to and following your baby’s arrival, your body will experience a steady flow of changes. While that might seem obvious, how to handle the effect on your wardrobe can be puzzling. 

 

One suggestion is to aim for a handful of basics with simple, forgiving styles and neutral colors.  That way, they can mix and match, providing you with a versatile foundation. Also, think in terms of stretchy, comfortable fabrics. Yoga pants, empire waist tops, and wrap dresses can go from the office to a party with the right accessories. 

 

Putting Me Together points out that you can rely on pieces in your existing wardrobe to help round things out. Fold-over skirts, blazers, and cardigans can stay with you throughout your body’s many transitions — just add a great scarf, belt, or statement necklace for a fab ensemble. By pairing eye-catching accessories with your well-chosen basics, you can enjoy a killer wardrobe throughout the transitions of the coming months. 

 

Be Ready for Anything

 

Moms wear a lot of hats, and once your baby is here, it won’t take long to realize you need to be ready for just about anything, all the time. With that in mind, Kindred Bravely suggests thinking outside the box when it’s time to pack your diaper bag. An extra T-shirt provides a fresh change in the event of an ill-timed spit up, hair ties keep your locks away from grabby little fingers, and a wet bag can come to the rescue when there is a mess you can’t properly dispose of, such as a diaper blowout or that spit-up-covered top. 

 

Research great deals and stock up now — when your little one is here and you’re tired from feedings and diaper changes, you’ll thank yourself for the forethought!

 

Baby-Friendly Basics

 

Babies have tender skin, and many moms struggle with finding economical, baby-safe products for the day-in, day-out rigmarole. However, you can DIY a bunch of things that are not only baby-friendly but also budget-friendly and earth-friendly. 

 

As an example, you can make laundry detergent using ingredients such as washing soda, baking soda, and liquid soap. Baby wipes can be constructed from old rags cut into squares, then soaked with a blend of gentle cleaning agents, such as witch hazel, almond oil, and aloe vera. You can even make a cleaning spray for toys by simply mixing water, distilled vinegar, and lemon essential oil in a spray bottle. You might want to mix up a small amount to take along in your diaper bag for sprucing up your baby’s things while you’re out and about.

 

Shop Around for Seats

 

When it comes to your baby’s safety, chances are you are willing to spend whatever it takes, but is it worthwhile to invest in a high-dollar car seat? The Penny Hoarder explains that you’ll likely be better off putting your effort into finding a car seat that fits your budget and purposes. All car seats sold in the US must meet minimum safety requirements, so after that, it’s primarily up to you to determine which bells and whistles matter to you. 

 

There are dollar-savvy advantages in the convertible and three-in-one style seats since your child can use them until a car seat is no longer needed. However, sometimes buying an infant seat and then moving to a booster is less costly. Shop around for the best deals, and have peace of mind with purchasing the car seat that fits your wallet. 

 

You have plenty to spend your money on in preparation for your baby, but a little planning can go a long way toward stretching your funds. Build a killer wardrobe with versatile basics, prep essentials, and shop around for great deals. Kids might not be cheap, but they’re worth it!

Birth Options: Use Your BRAIN!

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Pregnancy and birth can be an experience full of tons of different emotions. One we see frequently is worry! What procedures are “okay”? Which options do you have? With everything you need to decide, it seems impossible to know the “right” answers to each and every question. In most cases, though, there isn’t a “right” answer, just an answer that is right for you!


As doulas, we have a brilliant method of helping you explore your options. Simply use your BRAIN!


No, really. B.R.A.I.N.


This is a really quick and easy way to explore what your options are and make a choice that works for your family.


Let’s use an Epidural as an example and walk through what it might look like to use your BRAIN to make a quick decision.


Benefits


Ask “what are the benefits of this procedure/decision?” Answers are often health of baby, comfort of mom, or improved outcome overall. The


In our scenario, the benefits of an epidural might be increased comfort of birthing person which could result in sleep, allowing them to recover the strength they need for pushing in the event of a long labor.


Risks


What are the risks of the decision? The risk of an epidural might be decreased feeling which leads to less control during pushing, loss of mobility (meaning the rest of the labor will continue in bed), and inability to use a shower/bath as a means of comfort.


Alternatives


What are the alternatives? In the example of an epidural, alternatives may be any other physical comfort measure that provides relief. A warm bath or shower, counterpressure, massage, distraction, Rebozo, or position change could all be considered alternatives.


Intuition


What does your intuition say? We are often more in tune with our bodies than we give ourselves credit for and taking a moment to pause and reflect may give you a great idea of what the right decision is for you.


Nothing


What happens if we do nothing? In the case of an epidural, doing nothing does...well, nothing. If we do nothing we could wait an hour and come back to the option again. It doesn’t take it off the table, just changes the timeline.


This super simple system (try saying that five times fast!) is an easy way to explore your options quickly and help you make a decision. Sometimes we have more time to research and don’t need a snap decision. In these instances, using BRAIN will still help walk you through exactly what you need to research.


Making the right decision for your family is important! Exploring your options for laboring, birthing, pushing, feeding, and even birthplace often leads to feeling more empowered, more secure, and having a better birth experience. Whatever you decide, we’re here!