Top Tips For Twins

Twins are hard. Most parents can imagine some balance with a newborn because one baby means, at least some of the time, you get a break. But with twins, it can feel like you are tag teamed! 

Even with two adults in the house, having two babies is different than having one. Most twin experts will share that two babies mean the ability to be "flexible" with their day-to-day schedule is no longer possible. Because if you imagine 15 minutes of a nap stretched here or 30 minutes of pushing a meal there - all of a sudden, your kids are operating precisely like a tag-team duo! And that isn't sustainable. 

Some good news - most parents of twins agree that getting through the 1st year is the hardest, and it starts to feel less overwhelming through the 2nd. There are fewer wakeups at night, extended spaces between feedings, and real food means fewer bottles to wash! But until then, here are some top tips for parenting twins as you get into your groove. 

1.You won't need to buy two of EVERYTHING, but...

you will need two of the essentials: 

• car seats

• swaddles (even more in reality because - spit up)

• bassinet/cribs

• swings

• diaper bags (so you can take them out separately!)

• high chairs

• babywearing devices

2.When you can have help, accept it! 

Be it free help, or help you hire, say yes. Extra hands can always wash up, hold a baby, or feed a baby. And if the support is a professional, you can get a deserved break to sleep, or do any other thing you and your partner want to do. Grandparents are great, trading babysitting with other couples with multiples can be an ongoing way to foster reata friendship, or working with a postpartum doula are all great ways to have help!

3. Autonomy vs. Twin Identity

Your babies may have shared a womb, but they are individuals. Try to allow them time to learn about things both with their sibling and apart. Treating them as an individual and as a part of a duo will help them understand how they fit into their special corner of the world. 

4. Feeding support

If you are planning to breastfeed, parents and experts advise working with a lactation consultant early to develop healthy expectations and safe plan. The additional information from an IBCLC can also help you understand the unique situation you and your family are in and not general information shared in twin groups and books. 

5. Schedules and organization and staggering, oh my!

Most twin families swear by living on a schedule for order, predictability, and to keep the kids working together - instead of that tag team business we mentioned above. 

But that doesn't mean you have to wake both babies to eat or have two babies on a changing table at a time! Think more like when one baby wakes, feed that baby, then wakeup the other, staggered by about 15-20 minutes. What doesn't work is feeding one baby, and waiting until the other baby wants to wake up on his or her own - that is when opposite schedules start, and it's hard to get back in sync. 

6. Three words, "Hand me downs."

We're not saying you can't have new items for your babies. But expand your thinking to include hand-me-downs, because in the first years, your babies will be going through a lot of clothing. And sometimes, it's okay if another baby spits up on that onesie before your baby spits up on it - with laundering in between, of course. 

4 Friends You Need For Postpartum Recovery

Having gone through many postpartum experiences with the families who hire us for labor support and postpartum support, we have identified some pretty important people. They are The Friends.  The front line for emotional security when you are trying to figure out what life looks like with a baby in it. 

These friends could be individuals, or maybe one friend checks off a couple of these boxes. But however they appear, these folks are saints, and we love them for their contributions to healing postpartum families. 

The Hold My Baby Friend

This is a friend that leaves you feeling relieved to have someone you trust to hold your baby. They don't make a big deal out doing it. They look genuinely pleased to take up the task. And the kicker, they aren't offended if you want your baby back. The Hold My Baby Friend is a person who understands that you may need a break to do things like go to the bathroom, or lift your arms above your head. This friend puts you to ease when they are holding your baby, instead of putting you on edge. They are magical. 

The Meme Friend

This is a friend to delivers on your need for a 45-second break. There is nothing like a well-timed meme-delivery when a new parent is on the edge of losing it. A laugh, guffaw, or smirk also helps break up the sometimes-overwhelming reality of always thinking about a newborn. Just a quick 45-second vacation can sometimes turn around your whole day to know you are not alone. 

The Friend Who Feeds You

It's really incredible that, often after having a baby, new parents are not good at feeding themselves. Especially if that parent is breastfeeding. The Friend Who Feeds You can look like a lot of things: It could be the person organizing a meal train; the person who stops by to literally only hand you food through the door and leave; or the person who, when they come over, somehow turns what you have into a meal and makes sure you put some of it in your mouth before they leave. The Friend Who Feeds You may even trick you into eating, saying they need a bite to eat, then makes enough for you to nibble right along through the whole visit without ever pressuring you into doing anything. 

The Check-In Friend

We love the Check-in Friend, and the Check-in Friend loves you. This friend is a great listener and great at asking questions. They affirm as they are listening, saying things like, "That sounds hard, I'm so glad you shared that with me." The Check-in Friend genuinely cares about your body and your mind through this, and ideally, makes you feel safe sharing with them. They can ask about struggles, joys, surprising moments, and the raw emotion of the experience. They want to know. It is not a hardship for them to help carry the weight of this new lifestyle with you. 

For all these friends and others who help fill the gaps, we salute them all!   They share in loving your kiddo and ride through the precious moments of parenthood with you. We are not capable or intended to parent inside a bubble, but to share the ups and downs together. Don't be afraid to ask for help. And don't be scared to accept the help these loving friends are happy to offer!

Fact About Sleep

There is a lot of misinformation circulated by well-meaning friends and sources about infant sleep. Who are you supposed to trust when it comes to getting your baby to rest? There are aunties, experienced parents, blogs, and pediatricians who all have THE tools to get your baby to sleep reliably.

Still, when you try to implement what they say, it ends up being a mish-mash of a little bit of one thing, and some of what you remembered reading, and the all-too-real stuff of what actually worked to get your baby to dreamland.

We love helping families learn strategies to use with their children, and learn how they can best meet their kids where they are at in their sleep journey. One of the most important factors in getting to the roots of their information, and give a foundation of facts. From there, we get to layer your baby's personality, needs, and lifestyle on top of it. Here are some facts about sleep every parent should know

Sleep is essential, and if your baby is overtired, your priority is to get them sleep of any kind.

An overtired baby may not be easily soothed, but getting your baby sleep has to happen before you can use trusted tools to help them going forward. So if going for a walk, using a babywearing device, going for a drive, or holding your baby is the only way you know to get them sleep, we start there.

Having help for this part is usually a game-changer, and a trusted friend, tagging out with a partner, or hiring a postpartum doula is an excellent option for helping you to stem the seemingly endless need for your baby to be attached to you.

Advice from your pediatrician does not always follow safe sleep guidelines - and it can be a problem.

Many pediatricians advise having an elevated sleep surface or using rolled towels or blankets to prop or move your baby into a position that helps them sleep, especially if your baby has any sort of reflux. This is not recommended by the AAP and does not follow safe sleep recommendations.

Having conflicted professionals giving you advice is part of the struggle parents have to navigate. Educating yourself on why those recommendations are offered is as important as getting the information.

Your baby does not sleep the same way you do - so you can't expect them to sleep the way you do.

Your baby is not physically or mentally wired to go to sleep like you are. Your baby has seldom been in the positions we place them to sleep as newborns, and they have sleep reflexes that have helped keep our species alive until they are better able to care for themselves. These reflexes make it hard for babies to have long stretches of sleep.

Learning about your baby's sleep cycles and how your baby's brain works are some ways you can quiet expectations of your wee babe.

Babies show sleepiness in varying stages.

Like there are hunger cues to learn, there are sleep cues you can learn. Both have early, mid, and late signals.

Here are some early, mid, and late cues your baby is tired and ready for sleep:

Early:

Spacing, or gazing for periods of time
Red-rimmed eyes
Jerking head or arm movements

Mid:

Trying to pull or grab their face
Yawning
"Settling sounds" like grunts or squeaks, or long sighs

Late:

Crying
Being hard to soothe
Back is arched, or very tight muscles and rigid body

Sleep begets sleep, and putting off a nap will not make a baby sleep longer or later.

Depending on your child's age, it may seem like all you are doing after they wake up is getting ready for their next nap - and after getting a diaper change, and more food, it very well may be the case! But your baby needs to sleep A LOT, which means their awake times seem to move pretty quickly.

One thing that is not true is that prolonging awake time will make babies sleep "better" or "longer." When sleep is stalled, babies need extra help to calm and be soothed. Their naps most likely will remain the same length because of the way they cycle through sleep, meaning they only get less sleep overall.

The sleep cycles for babies mean they are designed to have more periods where they can be woken up by hunger, wetness, or other basic needs as a survival mechanism. Their ability to "rationalize" through light sleeping times and self soothe back to sleep depends on age, overall weight gain, and having developmental milestones met.

Sleep needs to be evaluated in a 24-hour period, not just overnight.

Some of the confusion about helping babies sleep in longer stretches, is that their daytime routine needs to be considered as well. If your baby is not able to have restorative sleep during the day, it is harder for them to have restorative sleep at night. They may be exerting too much energy and need to have more calories. They may need help to nap with the use of a sound machine or reducing noise or light. Or, It may be early cues are missed, and the window for sleep gets missed until the next cycle for sleep is next available.

The Benefits of Sleep Training

When a family starts thinking about how to get their child to sleep better, it can be for many reasons.

what we see commonly is:

• Overwhelm from the entire adjustment to parenthood, and there has never been a chance to "catch up" from the first weeks

• A family with expectations for how a baby should behave, but little understanding of how babies realistically behave

• Families who have tried to change habits, but their baby "just won't go to sleep." 

Working with a sleep trainer is more than turning off the lights and leaving your child to cry until they are exhausted. We do not support that behavior or advice.

Working with a sleep trainer is taking an assessment of how your family's day is currently structured, in an entire 24-hour period, and making a plan that uniquely fits the needs and philosophy for your family. 

Working with a sleep trainer means being in tune with where your child is at developmentally and emotionally, and seeing what their current behavior says about their night parenting needs. 

Working with a sleep trainer means readjusting expectations to be in line with what is possible for your baby, and what will be possible as time progresses. And sometimes, it means adjusting daytime behavior along with the nighttime routine. 

Here are a few things every parent should expect from a reputable sleep trainer 

1. Your sleep trainer should be able to describe the sleep needs of your baby regardless of when you are asking for help. The way a newborn sleeps is different than the way a five-month-old sleeps. There is no one-size-fits-all plan, and a sleep trainer will ask thoughtful questions that help outline a full picture of what is going on with your child. 
   

2. Your sleep trainer should be able to tell you what the plan will be before getting started with changing rituals and habits and help you understand why some small adjustments may make a huge difference. 
   

3. Your sleep trainer should be able to help your family determine when the right bedtime is for your baby. Is it 6 pm, 7 pm, 9 pm? Each family has a different rhythm, and babies are susceptible to the energy in the house. 
   

4. Your sleep trainer should be able to make a reasonable impact after the first visit, but also help you understand that your baby is not a robot, and sleep training isn't about making your child do something they don't want to do. Sleep training is about helping your child learn how to find security in ways they don't yet identify and feel safe sleeping in their space. 
   

5. You should not feel like your sleep trainer is making you do things that feel unsafe or neglectful. If at any point, you need to be with your child, your sleep trainer should support that and reiterate the ways everyone can feel comfortable with the plan. 
   

Sleep training is a profession that gets a nasty reputation. We know. We've heard it. We want to share that babies who have been able to learn safe self-soothing techniques are well attached, and have all their physical, emotional, and mental needs met.

When you work with sleep trainer with a wholistic family sleep plan in mind you can expect:

• Sleep! 

• Less anxiety about the health and well-being of their child

• Happier kids and parents

• Tools to understand how your child communicates

• Less guilt 

We want families to have the help and support they need, be it with extra hands-on care from skilled doulas, or with additional education and support of sleep coaching. Caring for an entire family means having everyone's needs met, and we're here to help make that happen. 

Are You Scared To Give Your Baby A Pacifier?

Soothies, binkie, paci...whatever you call it in your family, pacifiers have been used for generations.

Before polymers were used from the discovery of rubber trees, cultures around the world used things like beads made of wood, or other things like ivory, mother-of-pearl, bone, or coral, were used on the opposite end of a rattle, or the "gum stick" to help soothe a baby.

Modern pacifiers in the United States undergo an immense amount of regulation. Early models proved two-piece pacifiers and hard plastic pacifiers posed too much risk and required oversight. Today, the worry isn't so much in the material that is used, but IF pacifiers should be used! Concerns like "nipple confusion" or of orthodontic damage done if they are used too long into adolescence.

The concern about “nipple confusion” stems from trouble breast- and chest-feeding families may have if a pacifier is introduced too soon after birth. The thought is that a baby will be soothed by sucking and waive their natural cues to eat.

The other concern is that a baby will become used to sucking on the pacifier, and "forget" how to feed from the breast, making it harder for families to sustain that form of nutrition. We want to dispel the notion of "nipple confusion" for all those families who feel afraid to introduce a pacifier or bottle for fear of sabotaging a breastfeeding relationship.

Your baby is smart. Your baby is not confused!

Your baby understands that eating from a bottle is easier than latching and suckling. It isn't nipple confusion - it's nipple preference! So let's celebrate your smart baby! And we can support their need to suckle, and your desire to feed at the breast. Both can happen! To counter the smooth flow of milk from a bottle, we suggest you introduce Paced Bottle-Feeding.

If you want to use a pacifier, we recommend using it only when you know the pacifier is not delaying a feed. The need to suck is a real comfort, and some babies need to suck more than others. Pacifiers are a great way to help those babies find comfort in between feedings.

As for the type of pacifier to use, you may be feeling overwhelmed with the options!

Some brands you may consider:

• Natural rubber pacifier: natursutten

• Soothie Pacifier: One piece and easy to find in stores

• Soothie Pacifier: With detachable, and easy to clean toy

• Best for newborns: Mam Brand

One last note on pacifier use and when to introduce them:

Just like breastfeeding is a skill that your baby has to develop, learning how to suckle a pacifier and have the ability to hold it in one’s mouth is a skill that has to be developed! Many families wait to introduce a pacifier for fear it can damage a breastfeeding relationship, and inadvertently miss the window of opportunity to introduce its use.

So! We recommend introducing pacifiers (and bottles if you plan to use them AT ANY TIME in your feeding plan) between 6-10 weeks of age. They don’t have to be used all the time, but without at least some sporadic use, you will never get the benefits of these tools.

Simple and Budget-Savvy Ideas for Soon-To-Be Moms

Babies are so many things — precious, miraculous, beautiful, fresh, sweet, innocent. Oh, and let’s not forget expensive! Our little bundles of joy involve a fair amount of spending, especially at the beginning. With that in mind, here’s how to prepare for your baby’s arrival so you’ll have everything you’ll need without going broke. 

Build a Killer Wardrobe

Throughout the months leading up to and following your baby’s arrival, your body will experience a steady flow of changes. While that might seem obvious, how to handle the effect on your wardrobe can be puzzling. 

One suggestion is to aim for a handful of basics with simple, forgiving styles and neutral colors.  That way, they can mix and match, providing you with a versatile foundation. Also, think in terms of stretchy, comfortable fabrics. Yoga pants, empire waist tops, and wrap dresses can go from the office to a party with the right accessories. 

Putting Me Together points out that you can rely on pieces in your existing wardrobe to help round things out. Fold-over skirts, blazers, and cardigans can stay with you throughout your body’s many transitions — just add a great scarf, belt, or statement necklace for a fab ensemble. By pairing eye-catching accessories with your well-chosen basics, you can enjoy a killer wardrobe throughout the transitions of the coming months. 

Be Ready for Anything

Moms wear a lot of hats, and once your baby is here, it won’t take long to realize you need to be ready for just about anything, all the time. With that in mind, Kindred Bravely suggests thinking outside the box when it’s time to pack your diaper bag. An extra T-shirt provides a fresh change in the event of an ill-timed spit up, hair ties keep your locks away from grabby little fingers, and a wet bag can come to the rescue when there is a mess you can’t properly dispose of, such as a diaper blowout or that spit-up-covered top. 

Research great deals and stock up now — when your little one is here and you’re tired from feedings and diaper changes, you’ll thank yourself for the forethought!

Baby-Friendly Basics

Babies have tender skin, and many moms struggle with finding economical, baby-safe products for the day-in, day-out rigmarole. However, you can DIY a bunch of things that are not only baby-friendly but also budget-friendly and earth-friendly. 

As an example, you can make laundry detergent using ingredients such as washing soda, baking soda, and liquid soap. Baby wipes can be constructed from old rags cut into squares, then soaked with a blend of gentle cleaning agents, such as witch hazel, almond oil, and aloe vera. You can even make a cleaning spray for toys by simply mixing water, distilled vinegar, and lemon essential oil in a spray bottle. You might want to mix up a small amount to take along in your diaper bag for sprucing up your baby’s things while you’re out and about.

Shop Around for Seats

When it comes to your baby’s safety, chances are you are willing to spend whatever it takes, but is it worthwhile to invest in a high-dollar car seat? The Penny Hoarder explains that you’ll likely be better off putting your effort into finding a car seat that fits your budget and purposes. All car seats sold in the US must meet minimum safety requirements, so after that, it’s primarily up to you to determine which bells and whistles matter to you. 

There are dollar-savvy advantages in the convertible and three-in-one style seats since your child can use them until a car seat is no longer needed. However, sometimes buying an infant seat and then moving to a booster is less costly. Shop around for the best deals, and have peace of mind with purchasing the car seat that fits your wallet. 

You have plenty to spend your money on in preparation for your baby, but a little planning can go a long way toward stretching your funds. Build a killer wardrobe with versatile basics, prep essentials, and shop around for great deals. Kids might not be cheap, but they’re worth it!

The Village: Building a Mom Group Who Shares in Your Struggles

We used to live in villages. Nuclear families living in separate houses is actually a pretty modern idea. In these villages, veteran mothers and new mothers convened and shared mutual experiences. They talked about how difficult breastfeeding was or how frustrated they were that their baby wouldn’t sleep. They sought advice on how to deal with terrible twos and swapped stories of how hard it is to have sex when a toddler is busting down your door every two minutes.

Our modern framework for families has often left new mothers isolated, lonely, and without anyone to talk to. That’s why we’re pushing to bring back the village mentality and bring together moms. There is nothing quite like meeting someone who can relate to your experience. That’s why Mom bloggers are so popular! It makes you feel less alone when you know what you’re going through is common and even normal. Where can you meet moms?

MOPS or Mothers of Preschoolers is a great resource. Find your local MOPS group to connect with moms who have children around the same age as yours. Laugh, cry, and recount the stories of your latest blowout diaper or how you wore two different shoes to Target without judgment. Man it feels good to hear, “Oh, I’ve done that too!”

Blossom Tree Wellness brings together a group of moms on the first and third Friday of the month. Named “Meet the Village” (apt!) this group aims to bring support together for moms and impact the levels of Postpartum Depression among locals. Understanding that mothers often receive support before their babies are born but struggle to find it during the “fourth trimester” (after baby is born), bring your little and yourself for some fun and connection. Find more information about Blossom Tree Wellness here.

Unable to get your little one out? Even virtual support can be incredible for your mental health. Find a local moms group on Facebook (or create your own!) and get active! While these groups can sometimes be a wealth of drama, good ones will have admins who know how to squash that and keep things positive. Look for like-minded groups on Facebook that aren’t local to you. You may meet some of your closest friends that way!

Sometimes meeting groups of people can be overwhelming. A great idea is to invite a friend to come with you so you feel a bit more comfortable. Not okay with groups? Just invite over a mom! Some of the best friendships have come from someone reaching out and suggesting a playdate. Get your little one together with someone their age and talk it out with their mom.

Feelings of isolation run rampant in modern motherhood and there is no replacement for connecting with someone who shares in your joys or your pains. Walking through motherhood doesn’t have to be lonely. Connect with moms just like you locally and experience the magic of those three small words…

“Shit, me too!”

Our Favorite Toddler Shows (without Talking Animals)

Team Umizoomi

This cute show features two main characters, Milli and Geo, and a robot named Bot. Together they soar through space and explore math concepts. From counting to simple addition and subtraction, this show is a well done dive into prepping kids to enter preschool by introducing numbers in a fun way.

Little Einsteins

An oldie but a goody, Little Einsteins is based on the ideas behind the Baby Einstein franchise. This show’s main characters are Leo, Annie, June, and Quincy. They fly in their rocket and solve puzzles in each episode. Weaving classical paintings and music into each adventure, this show also introduces concepts like patterns, colors, and shapes.

Sid the Science Kid

In classic Ed Henson style, Sid the Science Kid features human-like characters who are very...well, Muppet-inspired. They are definitely kids and Sid, the lead, loves to explore new scientific questions, theories, and concepts. Touching on a range of subjects, this show is full of fun characters and learning.

Yo Gabba Gabba!

Okay, this show isn’t *technically* talking animals because they’re…..well, we don’t know what they are. But the’re not animals. Yo Gabba Gabba is a brilliantly colored show full of electronic music, emotions, and fun dances. While not educational in a school sense, it touches on everyday skills like sharing, brushing teeth, and getting ready for bed. Plus it features some of our favorite bands. This is one we’ll actually watch too.

Charlie and Lola

The misadventures of Charlie and Lola are somehow soothing and precious as these siblings stumble through life learning together. This UK-based show features soft colors, life lessons, and main characters with British accents. This one’s pretty sweet.

Top 5 Books for New Big Siblings

Becoming a big sibling can bring a range of emotions from excitement to fear. An incredible way to help kids talk about those things? Books! Read your littles stories of big brothers and big sisters to help them understand and relate to what the characters are going through. We’ve gathered 5 great options for your bedtime stories to add to your library.

1. Lola Reads to Leo by Anna McQuinn :

This sweet book highlights the main character, Lola, and her love of reading. She, of course, wants to introduce that love to her new baby brother. From bringing a soft book to her new brother’s crib to reading him a book in the evening, she thinks being a big sister is the “best gift of all”. This story promotes a love of reading and a love of sharing with the new baby, making it the perfect addition to your library.

2. The New Small Person by Lauren Child :

This story is a very familiar tale for many families. An older sibling and an unwelcome change to their dynamic. Elmore Green takes to calling his new sibling “it” and recounts the tale of how “it” licks his jelly bean collection! The shift from only child to older brother can be a tricky one and this book does a beautiful job of combining a common struggle with beautiful imagery and finally reaching the resolution of a new small person being a friend.

3. Once Upon a Baby Brother by Sarah Sullivan:

Older siblings can have very conflicting thoughts about a new baby joining their family. They have typically been the sole focus of their parents for their whole lives! With that shift comes a new dynamic. Sarah Sullivan tells this story from Lizzie, a celebrated and gifted storyteller’s perspective. It’s a sweet and helpful way to introduce the concept of a baby to a sibling who might be old enough to understand just what’s going on.

4. Outside Over There by Maurice Sendak :

A strange fantasy tale, this book is one full of differing emotions from love to resentment. When goblins steal Ida’s baby sister to make her a goblin bride, Ida must go “outside over there” to get her back. This may seem a weird addition to this list but everything that a new sibling goes through, emotion-wise.

5. Ish by Peter H Reynolds :

This book makes the list for the middle siblings. A story about Ramon and his love of drawing, his hopes, dreams, and joy are all dashed in a split second by a comment made by his older brother. When he realizes his art isn’t perfect, he plans to destroy it all until his younger sister steps in and helps him see that art doesn’t have to be perfect, it can be “-ish”. This story highlights both the importance of celebrating imperfections and the bond between siblings.

Stop Buying Lame Gifts: A Gift Guide for Modern Moms

Gone are the days of buying frilly, unnecessary gifts. You’re a smart gift-giver and you know that there are things way better than doilies and aprons as gifts for a new mom. You are also probably busy and hoping to find a clever and useful gift like right now.

We got you!

We’ve rounded up some of our favorite things to give new moms so you don’t have to worry about the idea. (Don’t worry, you can still take credit.)

1. Food

If you want to be the real hero, gift food. Food will always be the quickest way to someone’s heart, especially a new family’s. Of course meal trains are a staple of welcoming any new baby but what happens when the train hits the end of the line? That’s where you come in.

Gifting freezer meals is an incredible way to stock a new family for their upcoming long days and long nights. Imagine, after hours of dealing with a crying baby, partner comes downstairs and pops something completely homemade and in a disposable pan from the freezer to the oven, stumbles back to their newborn, dozes off for a moment and awakes to the smell of dinner. Magical. Other magic options include restaurant gift cards, paying for a Wildtree Freezer Meal Workshop, or even stocking up on snacks! Lots of people bring full meals (which is awesome) but think of all the snacks a hungry family will need while taking care of their little one. They’ll eat a granola bar and smile, thinking of you.

2. Booze

Okay, parents, let’s get real. After living life for all the bright, sunshine-y hours of the day, we could all probably use a drink. Right?

Yes, we’re right.

What better thing to gift a parent who needs a little break than a subscription to a wine or beer service? Every month a little cheer will be delivered to their doorstep reminding them of how thoughtful and amazing their friends and family are. They may even toast in your honor! This one is a home run for sure.

3. Memory Book

The days are long but the years are short. Time flies so quickly when you have a baby and with that time flies brain cells. Sleepless nights, resting and healing days, and just general day-to-day often leaves parents shocked when they can’t remember their 5-year-old as a baby. A sweet, thoughtful gift to help them recall the sweet moments is a memory book. Something simple they can just quickly write down milestones or sweet moments.

4. Devotional Book

Self-care often goes out the window when a new baby enters the scene. A lovely way to remind new parents to stop and think for a minute is some sort of daily journal. Whether it’s a faith-based devotional, a book of positive parenting affirmations, a daily calendar with words of encouragement, or even a book put together with encouraging letters from friends and family, a book of inspirational messages can be just the thing to help parents redirect their mind for a minute.

5. Moms Night Out

Take your new mama friend out for a Mom’s Night Out! What better gift than the gift of fun with friends? If she’s up to leaving baby with someone, go out dancing! Take her out on the town and let her get a few hours of life as a woman, not a mom. We’re quick to lose ourselves in motherhood, an incredible way to gift someone is to remind them that they’re a person too!

Maybe she’s a stay in type of woman. Easy. Grab a few friends, let partner know they’re on baby duty, and have everyone bring a dish for a fun, low-key potluck. You could even make them themed! Does your friend have a Rachel Green obsession? Throw Friends on the TV and have everyone bring a themed dish to match. Game of Thrones more their speed? How about some Chicken LittleFingers?

...you get the idea.

Other fun options for nights out might be a progressive meal (drinks at one place, apps at another, etc) around a certain neighborhood, a brewery tour, or even a wine tasting. The possibilities are endless. BONUS: Plan these nights in advance and gift your friend with a list of outings and the proposed dates.

6. Baby Carrier

One of the most useful baby-related gifts that a parent could own is a baby carrier. Even the sweetest babies have hard days and need to be held….a lot. A baby carrier can mean the difference between feeling like you’re a human pacifier and feeling like you accomplished things even though your little was struggling.

The world of babywearing can be overwhelming so if you aren’t sure where to start, we have just the option for you. Book a consult with a Certified Babywearing Educator! These absolute angels listen to parents’ lifestyles and help match them with the perfect carrier for them and then teach them how to properly use them. Not sure where to find one? Fun fact: Owner, Haley, is your girl.

Check her out here!

Tulas are generally a pretty good option for beginning babywearers and grow right along with baby as they get bigger. No matter what you choose, this option is sure to be a smash hit.

I Want to be Daniel Tiger's Mom

Photo Credit: https://www.fredrogers.org/

Who is your mom hero?

Mine is easy and also doesn’t actually exist. My mom hero?

Daniel Tiger’s mom. Easy answer.

First of all, Daniel and Margaret are adorable. They’re always dressed, bathed, fed healthy foods, and learning important life lessons. While they learn them everywhere, their mom is always there with a calm word and a song to help them.

Daniel’s mom (whose name is actually Collette, fun fact!) is always there with a kind word and a tune to sing. She gets two kids, a baby and a toddler, no less, ready for the day without tears, angst, or frustrated words. She never gets angry, she meets her offspring with an incredible amount of kindness even though she’s asked her son to put his shoes on literally 10 million times.

Goals.

If you’ve ever parented a baby and a preschooler you know that shit’s hard. Dealing with a teeny human and a slightly-less-teeny human is a whole thing. Between getting dressed, the resistance to getting dressed, mealtime, the resistance to mealtime...I think you see the pattern...getting two small ones ready and out the door can be a nightmare. Daniel Tiger’s Mom, however? She somehow always responds in kindness.

Wow.

Can we talk about her voice? She’s literally constantly kind. Her voice communicates kindness, love, and support each and every freaking time. She has a soothing, perfectly motherly voice that makes us want to either fall asleep or roll our eyes. We’re not sure. Probably both.

Literally, how?

We’re doulas here, let’s chat about pregnancy and childbirth. Momma Tiger carried that baby with more grace than we’ve probably ever seen. She then birthed that baby and walked home. Genuinely impressed (and don’t recommend, to be honest, but we digress). She was an inspiration of calm, even when she knew she was bringing Baby Margaret into the world that day!

Remember Banana Swirl?? That’s some Pinterest Mom shit. How were we supposed to know you could freeze bananas and fool your kids into thinking it was actual ice cream? We’re literally still not sure that would fly in our house. So not only is she brilliant, she’s brave AF for trying that one.

Basically she’s our shining example of what a mom should be. Kind, loving, patient, always ready with a teaching moment, and adorable. Thank you, Mama Tiger, for showing us all what we should aspire to (and how to be kind to ourselves when we mess up).

You're Outnumbered. Now What?

Congratulations and welcome to the club! You are going to be outnumbered soon and will know what it really feels like to have your hands full. You already feel stretched thin and the thought of adding one more child seems impossible. You’re right. While you may be at your limit, that doesn’t mean you are completely maxed out. You are just maxed out right now. Once you welcome your new little squish into your home you will learn to cope with even more demands on your time, I promise. Here are some things that helped me when I became a mother of three. Remember, you got this.

1.       Lower the expectations. Unfortunately, motherhood is nothing like the movies (you learned this real fast in the labor and delivery room) yet the expectations we put on ourselves might as well be. It’s a trend that needs to go away and go away real fast. We are quick to judge ourselves harshly based on what Penelope Perfect posted on Instagram. What?! Girlfriend, give yourself grace, love yourself and for the love…lower the expectations! You may think you are doing a shit job as a mother of three (or more) but the fact that you are taking the time to read this right now says a lot. It tells me you are a kick ass mom. Keep doing what your doing and please continue reading. It gets better.

2.       Take the help. There’s no need to try and do everything on your own. Believe it or not, people want to help mothers when they bring home a new baby. When they offer anything, take it! When they ask, “what do you need?”, tell them and don’t be shy about it. I’m sure later down the road you will be happy to return the favor when they need you because your awesome like that.

3.       Babywear. This one is pretty straight forward. Wear that baby! Trust me mama, it will make caring for the big kids so much easier. We are talking about free hands after all. Your baby can even catch a snooze on your chest while you drop your older kids off at school.

4.       Meal plan. I know what you may be thinking. This sounds like a HUGE task and impossible right now but sit tight and refer back to tip #1 if you need a refresher. Meal planning does not have to be this perfect thing you found on Pinterest. Think simple. Start with snacks. I’ve learned the quickest way to a toddler meltdown revolves around food. By the way, toddlers have the worst timing of anyone I know. The second you sit down to feed your newborn the big kids will get the memo and want to eat too. Like, right now! The quickest way to fix this problem is to have easy snacks prepped and ready to go. Your kids can still eat healthy without you standing in front of the fridge wondering what to give them.

Another great way to stay ahead of the food game is to meal prep with friends. Grab the wine and turn this into a fun time with girlfriends. They may be in the same boat you are and would love to spend time prepping meals with you.

 5.       Self-Care day. Self-care is key! You can’t give what you don’t have so if you are running on empty, girl fill your tank. There’s no right or wrong way to do this and may even require some experimenting. You may find taking a full morning, afternoon, or an entire day to get exactly what you need. How does a weekend away with girlfriends sound? You may not be at that level yet but when you get there, I highly suggest it.

For now, start by asking your partner, your mother, your mother-in-law or your really close friend to help give you a break. Let me be clear, this time is all about YOU! This is not the time to wash the dishes, fold laundry or clean the house. Find a quiet place and read a book, plug into your favorite podcast or binge watch that Nexflix series you’ve been putting off for so long. It’s ok to be selfish sometimes, healthy even. Think of it like a teaching tool for your kids. By taking care of yourself, you are teaching your children the importance of self-care. You are showing them, hey, it’s ok to ask for help.

Bonus tip. Hire a postpartum doula. What’s a postpartum doula you ask? A postpartum doula is postpartum & newborn care expert that is there for you in ways you need her most. Light housekeeping, meal prep, laundry, and breastfeeding support are just a few things you can expect when you hire a postpartum doula. Overnight care, you got it! Your doula is happy to feed your baby and give you the night off so you can catch up on sleep and recharge. Breastfeeding? That’s cool too. We can bring your baby to you when she’s ready to nurse and then soothe her back to sleep so you can do the same.

Uptown Doula is here to lend an extra set of hands. Visit our webiste to learn more about what we do to help support Charlotte familes. You can also find more awesome blogs just like this one!

You may be outnumbered and that’s ok but remember, you got this.

USE YOUR B.R.A.I.N.

We all know that life often hands us situations that are … difficult… you know the ones that make your blood boil, that cause us to come out of the side of our necks. While in public we can swallow, keep our cool and mover forward, this is not always the case behind closed doors.

Our families have a special talent for pushing our buttons, they may even install new ones.

Our kids are no exception, our kids can… well… cause us to react in ways we are not always proud of.

That’s right most experts say take a deep breath and respond rather than react to your situation, and that is great in theory. But, how do we do that?

The only way to achieve a guaranteed response and not reaction is to use our B.R.A.I.N.

Ask Yourself?!? B - Benefits - What is the BENEFIT to choosing to do this? R - Risk – What are the RISKS involved in doing this? A - Alternatives - Are there any ALTERNATIVES to doing this? I - Instincts - What is your INSTINCT or gut feeling telling you to do? N - Nothing - What if you do absolutely NOTHING right now?

These 5 simple questions are guaranteed to turn the situation around. Asking them gives you a moment to pause, it takes you out of an emotional state, and brings you into the rational.

This is how a reaction becomes a response.

It always helps to have a support network, your doula, a circle of peers, other parents you trust, ones who you hold in high regard for their choices in parenting.

Sometimes feedback isn’t necessary, it’s not their opinions you seek. This might even infuriate you further, utilize them nonetheless, just having a sounding board can be beneficial.

Remember, you will always find unbiased, nonjudgmental support with you Uptown Doula.