How To Help A NICU Family

One of the possible outcomes of birth is the need for extra medical care for your newborn. Preterm birth, respiratory distress, infection, birth injuries, or other medical reasons are reasons a newborn may need to spend time in a hospital's Neonatal Intensive Care Unit or NICU. 

While care is needed, families can be distressed. They will be worried about their new child and may be discharged from the hospital before their baby. The time they may be able to spend with their child may be limited.

Having to leave your child at this age for any reason is heart-wrenching, but for NICU families, the pain of separation becomes a new part of their day as they wait until their baby is healthy enough to come home.  

If you are a close family member, friend, or community helper and are looking for ways to help families, here are some ways to help a NICU family. 

Make your offer of help as direct and specific as possible. 

Many people have compassion for families who have a child in a NICU. Still, they often turn to an overused offer that unintentionally places a burden on the family. That phrase is, "Let me know how I can help." 

To a person who may not remember if they ate that day, remembering you, your offer, and then communicating a need to you are three steps that take an incredible amount of coordination and effort. To most, it is easier to keep doing everything themselves. 

So if you want to be helpful, take away the burden of thinking of a way you can help. Instead of a blank offering, suggest something specific, and ask if it is ok. 

Some ideas: 

"I'd like to come by the hospital and bring you lunch at about 12:30. Does that work for you?" 

"We would like to swing by to mow your lawn and take out your garbage bins tomorrow. Are you ok with us taking care of that?"

"I have your favorite soup and a loaf of crusty bread to bring by for dinner. What time will you be home so I can stop by, hug you, and refresh your tissue boxes?"

"Let me pick you up from the hospital and bring you home today. Then, if it's alright with you, I'll get some food ready while you hop in the shower." 

"I'm going grocery shopping tomorrow, and I'd love to pick up some things for you and drop them by. Is there anything specific that sounds good to you, or can go off what I know you like?"

Remember, they can always say no, but by showing them you are willing to do it, all they need is a few details about when you are showing up in a real and meaningful way. 

If you do not live in the same city, but still want to show up for a friend in a meaningful way, here are some things you can send that are helpful: 

• Have a large box of soft tissues delivered

• Gas cards 

• Parking passes or vouchers at the hospital

• A gift card to the closest coffee shop to their home or hospital

• A new cozy wrap sweater or robe they can wear while holding their baby (if they are old enough to hold) helps them stay covered and warm during skin-to-skin.

• Send affirmations and encouraging messages to their phone, even if they don't respond. Even a message saying, "I'm thinking about you and baby and hope your time together is magical today."

• Hire a dog-walking service, or time at a pet day-care if they have dogs.

• Be a person who will listen if they need to unload. Refrain from saying, "Everything happens for a reason." Or "I'm sure things will look better soon." 

• Be a person that understands this is a time full of guilt, anger, helplessness, and intense fatigue. Your friend will not be their usual self. They will not be able to offer you anything, so be aware enough not to ask or need support from them. Vent your troubles elsewhere.

4 Reasons To Hire A Sleep Consultant

While many people who hire sleep consultants know they are going to do it before they ever have children, some are slogging through the information. The internet is chock full of people shouting about every parenting choice's rightness and wrongness that can ever be made, and maybe you need one more opinion to tip you one way or the other. 

We're here to put in our 4 cents - one for each of the reasons we support folks who hire a sleep consultant. 

1. Searching for THE PLAN

There are some great resources to help parents get a handle on teaching their children to sleep. And that can be part of the problem - everyone disagrees about which books to read, or which book made the difference. 

Every family is unique, so it makes sense that there are shelves and shelves of books on the subject of children's sleep. You can read all the books, try to follow their plans, and see how it goes. That is what most families plan and rarely how it goes. 

2. Your Friends

They mean well. We know they do. But sometimes your friends don't make this easy. Did your friend get a magic baby that sleeps well all on their own, and they have to switch on a white noise machine, and *poof* now it's morning time?

Or your friend won't stop sharing a horror story they experienced? Or an experience of a friend of a friend - and now their baby is broken and never sleeps ever? 

We hope you have people in your life who can say, "Wow, that sounds so hard. I know you are doing the best you can." And then they give you a big hug, leave some food ready to go in the fridge, and then take the garbage out when they leave. 

3. Help To Adjust Focus

One widespread attribute of new parents is the hyper-focus on parts of your baby's behavior that may or may not be "normal." Everyone needs some reassurance that their child is developing well and growing normally. But the wealth of generational wisdom can be lacking, which would offer new parents reassurance. 

Working with a sleep consultant can be a moment of removing the focus from one part of your child's behavior and zooming out - so to speak - on broader areas where small adjustments can make a huge impact. 

As the saying goes, some new parents can't see the forest for the trees. Your baby's sleep isn't just about being tired. It can be about digestion and hunger, it can be about overstimulation or being too tired, or it can be a growth spurt or developmental leap. Having a broader understanding is a huge benefit of bringing in another person to help guide your parenting.'

4. Postpartum Fatigue

It's hard to help someone else sleep when you aren't getting enough yourself. Your patience is reduced. Your emotions are closer to the surface. 

Yes, every parent expects to have to sacrifice somethings when their baby arrives, but depending on how long and how much you have been sacrificing t may be time to fill up your tank and get some help. 

Making decisions and interpreting information accurately isn't possible when we aren't taking care of ourselves. And as a new parent, your connection to your child is a strength, and a reason to have people you trust to help give perspective when you aren't sure of what to do. 

Has Your Child Outgrown The Crib?

Are you ready to shop for new furniture, or is your child letting you know it's time? 

If you are like most families, the move from crib to bed feels fast. One day your child is sleeping soundly and waits in the morning to be lifted out, and the next, your little one is toppling over the rail and darting to the drawers to empty their contents. Surprise! They learned a new skill!

There are several ways you can transition your child out of a crib, but there is usually one huge sign that its time - your child can crawl out of their crib on their own. 

That's right. There isn't a special sleep milestone that is reached that precludes this move. And for many, it may feel like it's too soon. While there is no precise time, the general age range for this move is ages 1-3. 

Making this change will have you looking at their room, and maybe the whole house, differently. Is your child's room kid-proof? Meaning, are dressers secured to walls? Are choking hazards out of reach? If your child opens the door, are there gates on the stairs? Are you ok with your child having access to ALL THE THINGS? 

If you have a child who is not interested in trying to get out of their crib unaided, you will most likely have more time to make this choice. And don't rush the move. This is something your child can absolutely lead the way. 

Some Options For Transition 

• Some cribs are designed to transition to a toddler bed. The pros of this are you have all the parts you need, and the bedding still fits! Along with logistical benefits, your child will recognize this space even in its new form. 
  

• Forgo the new frame, and put the crib mattress directly on the floor. The useful part of this option is your child will be close to the floor, so if they are young, that can offer you, the caregiver, some peace of mind. 
  

• Move to a toddler bed. A toddler bed is a small frame, off the floor, that still uses a crib mattress. They sometimes will have guards on the sides to help keep your child in the bed. 
  

• Transition directly to a twin bed, or larger. When moving to a full-size bed, consider how your child could readily get into and out of bed. Also, you know your child best, so make safety arrangements based on that information. Do they roll around? Do they wake up often and find you? Adding a few night lights may be a part of the change. 
  

Changing sleeping arrangements may upset any routine, so be sure to give new arrangements some time and extra attention for the first few days. 

This is an exciting milestone for you and your child!

First Steps To Helping Your Baby Sleep Longer

You want to sleep, you want your baby to sleep, and your baby needs sleep. So why doesn't your baby sleep?! 

Most likely, your baby does sleep, but certainly not like you. Having a realistic idea of what a typical 24 hours for your baby are where we are going to start. If you aren't tracking, we encourage you to get your perceptions out of the way of reality for a few days. 

Along with getting a realistic idea of what your baby is doing in 24 hours, we also encourage families to open themselves to the possibility that they contribute to their baby's habits. 

Two pieces of news we share with parents regularly are: 

"Your baby isn't awake." and 

"Your baby is tired and overstimulated, and needs your help settle to sleep." 

We'll start with the second bit first. 

Overstimulated Babies

Babies don't know that when they are overwhelmed up after a long day, or a super exciting play session, or even after meeting new people, going to sleep will be harder. As adults, we have felt that rush of adrenaline, and know that going to bed may be impossible without some time to calm down and prepare their mind for bed. 

If you have been running errands or was out at an event, or even sitting at home with noisy toys or the TV on - your baby can become overwhelmed. The lights, the noise, the smells are a lot!

Your baby can't sit at the kitchen counter, drink a cup of tea, or sit and listen to some peaceful music or even process the events that they experienced. They can only communicate that they are unsure, they don't know what to do with the information, and they need reassurance - all messages sent through crying. 

So how do you help an overstimulated baby?

Here are some things to try: 

• Start by checking their diaper, and change it if soiled or dirty.

• Lower lights, turn off TVs, games, and any music. If there are any strong smells, remove the source of the smell, or change locations.

• Try not to make any drastic movements, which may feel contradictory if you usually bounce or jiggle your baby to help them settle. 

• If it is hard to make the room darker, or if your baby needs less to look at, you can lightly drape a washcloth or burp cloth over their eyes to reduce visual stimulation.  

• Try starting with your baby nestled in the crook of your neck and rub circles on their back. Or hold a firm hand on their back, and slowly pat their bottom.  

• You can try some movement by swaying back and forth, but bouncing can add an extra stimulant to an overtired baby. 

• Don't worry about sleep with an overstimulated baby, focus on helping them feel secure, and rest can come next.  

What do you mean my baby isn't actually awake? 

One of the things babies do when they sleep is make all sorts of noises. And these noises are normal, but sure can trick new parents!

Babies make grunts, sighs, farts, squeals, and any number of other bells and whistles. Sometimes babies will even sleep with their eyelids open a bit!

Sometimes the noise comes at a lighter period of sleep in their sleep cycle, sometimes they are dreaming, sometimes they move to get into a more comfortable position. There are muscle twitches, and tummy aches, farts, or the need to suck.  

While the instinct is to swoop in and pick up your baby immediately, take a breath, quietly check the situation, and unless your baby is full-on eye-balls open for sure awake, leave your baby where they lay. 

If they are grunting and don't settle in again, you can make some shushing noises and gently lay your hand on their chest to comfort or gently pat their back. 

Allow them to cycle through that moment, without you interrupting their sleep.   

Shopping With A Newborn?

Before our country was engulfed in a pandemic, families were already worried about how to be out in the world and shop with a newborn.  The concerns were about what do to when your baby cry at the grocery store?  Or what to bring with you for an outing?  

Giving birth during the pandemic, with no sign of the virus being contained in the US, new parents are right to be concerned with how to get the things they need when a whole new danger is present.  

Here are some things to help keep risk to a minimum for you and you're newborn if you need to be out of the house together. 

• If possible, keep your baby at home, or with with caregivers you trust.

• When it comes to outings, try to stay to areas with lots of open air flow, like walking outside without other people

• Do not put a mask on your baby.  Masks are not recommended for children under the age 2. 

• If you have to make an outing with your newborn practice social distancing as much as possible, and be diligent in washing your own hands before touching your baby's hands or face.  

• If you have to go to a public location, like a grocery store, or retailer, consider wearing your baby to keep strangers from getting too close to a stroller or shopping cart.  If in a stroller, consider a stroller cover. 

• While others may feel like gloves, hand sanitizer, and disinfecting wipes may be overkill on trips, we would recommend you taking the extra precautions because you know your baby is a part of the population with suppressed/unformed immunity.  And, as the US continues to see rising cases, it is proof that the precautions others are taking are not sufficient.  

• When you get home from being out, take the advice from many daycare centers who share that it is a great practice to take off the clothes your child was wearing, and put them into a clean outfit.  

• If you like, you can go one step further beyond changing clothes and give your baby a  bath, and yourself, to ensure that every surface that may have come in contact with germs is washed clean to keep your home environment safe as well.  

What Doulas Do For Dads

It can be a big scary world when you suddenly realize you have an infant to care for. And that new awareness can put parents on edge about just about everything. However, an unexpected source of pressure comes from your mind, thinking you have to do it all and be all. 

Coach, lover, provider, protector, and hero. A knight in shining armor for all things coming in from the world, and the person who remembers to take the garbage out without being asked. Talk about pressure!

So you guys decided to hire a doula for after you come home from the hospital, and you said yes, but you aren't sure what another person is going to do other than change diaper, and hold your baby, and maybe wash some things. 

And you're right. Your doula is going to help with that stuff. 

AND

Your doula is going to help you feel less pressure to know *ALL OF THE THINGS*

AND

Your doula can help fill in the info of things you don't know, because she may not know ALL OF THE THINGS, she sure does know A LOT OF THE THINGS.

AND

Your doula can show you other things that work to soothe or comfort your child. Sometimes it's a small adjustment of a hand position or a big change in how you swaddle. 

AND

Add some levity to this whole whirlwind. A new baby! Working from home! A Pandemic! 2020 sounds like a bad movie plot! Let's laugh about the poop that is everywhere. It will help. 

AND

When that laughter turns to tears, your doula is right there for that too. Not wishing it away or saying you are fine, but saying it is hard, and it does suck right now, and you are doing the best you can. 

AND

When you want your family to understand why you don't feel okay with them coming over, your doula will understand.   Or that you are hurt that they won't help more, your doula will listen and let you vent about all of it. 

AND

Because sometimes, the best help is sleep- your doula will be a trusted person that helps you and your partner feel like you can exhale, tuck in, and trust that your baby is in good hands. 

AND

Your doula is there to help your family transition with as much confidence as possible.

2020 Name Trends

While much of the world has slowed and changed, babies are still being born. And having a baby still means parents are searching for the perfect name to give their children. 

How do you decide? It is so personal! Some names are "classic" and stay relevant regardless of social influence, and some names are linked directly to significant cultural events.  

We are halfway through 2020, and babies are still being born. With all of the global events that have happened in these first months, it's not hard to imagine a group of names that could come out of the news: 

Names From The News: 

• Rona

• Covid

• Pan

• Meghan

• Harry

• Royal

• Brexit

• Duke

• Kobe

• Gigi

• Bernie

• Elizabeth

For some people, the reality of becoming a parent is a welcome distraction to the stress and anxiety that 2020 has offered. For those folks, reading through lists of popular names from times past can be fun and rewarding, with ideas that you may not have thought of on your own. 

Below are some of the most popular names from SSA, Nameberry, and Babycenter: 

Boys: 

1. Liam

2. Noah

3. William

4. James

5. Oliver

6. Benjamin

7. Elijah

8. Lucas

9. Mason

10. Logan

11. Alexander

12. Ethan

13. Jacob

14. Michael

15. Daniel

16. Henry

17. Jackson

18. Sebastian

19. Aiden

20. Matthew

21. Samuel

22. David

23. Joseph

24. Carter

25. Owen

26. Wyatt

27. John

28. Jack

29. Luke

30. Jayden

31. Dylan

32. Grayson

33. Levi

34. Isaac

35. Gabriel

36. Julian

37. Mateo

38. Anthony

39. Jaxon

40. Lincoln

41. Joshua

42. Christopher

43. Andrew

44. Theodore

45. Caleb

46. Ryan

47. Asher

48. Nathan

49. Thomas

50. Leo

51. Isaiah

52. Charles

53. Josiah

54. Hudson

55. Christian

56. Hunter

57. Connor

58. Eli

59. Ezra

60. Aaron

61. Landon

62. Adrian

63. Jonathan

64. Nolan

65. Jeremiah

66. Easton

67. Elias

68. Colton

69. Cameron

70. Carson

71. Robert

72. Angel

73. Maverick

74. Nicholas

75. Dominic

76. Jaxson

77. Greyson

78. Adam

79. Ian

80. Austin

81. Santiago

82. Jordan

83. Cooper

84. Brayden

85. Roman

86. Evan

87. Ezekiel

88. Xavier

89. Jose

90. Jace

91. Jameson

92. Leonardo

93. Bryson

94. Axel

95. Everett

96. Parker

97. Kayden

98. Miles

99. Sawyer

100. Jason

101. Genesis

102. Saint

103. Bake

104. Kairo

105. Watson

106. Kenzo

107. Jaxtyn

108. Kylo

109. Dakari

110. Karsyn

111. Mordechai

112. Bowie

113. Kamdyn

114. Bode

115. Ashton

116. Zaid

117. Onyx

118. Benicio

119. Wells

120. Archie

121. Krew

122. Santana

123. Zakai

124. Elian

125. Aries

126. Koda

127. Kabir

128. Deshawn

129. Denver

130. Wallace

131. Benedict

132. Crew

133. Kamryn

134. Ledger

135. Korbyn

136. Marcellus

137. Imran

138. Cairo

139. Huxley

140. Ralph

141. Koa

142. Kaiser

143. Luka

144. Harlem

145. Elon

146. Sonny

147. Gatlin

148. Memphis

149. Gianni

150. Brixton

Girls: 

1. Emma

2. Olivia

3. Ava

4. Isabella

5. Sophia

6. Charlotte

7. Mia

8. Amelia

9. Harper

10. Evelyn

11. Abigail

12. Emily

13. Elizabeth

14. Mila

15. Ella

16. Avery

17. Sofia

18. Camila

19. Aria

20. Scarlett

21. Victoria

22. Madison

23. Luna

24. Grace

25. Chloe

26. Penelope

27. Layla

28. Riley

29. Zoey

30. Nora

31. Lily

32. Eleanor

33. Hannah

34. Lillian

35. Addison

36. Aubrey

37. Ellie

38. Stella

39. Natalie

40. Zoe

41. Leah

42. Hazel

43. Violet

44. Aurora

45. Savannah

46. Audrey

47. Brooklyn

48. Bella

49. Claire

50. Skylar

51. Lucy

52. Paisley

53. Everly

54. Anna

55. Caroline

56. Nova

57. Genesis

58. Emilia

59. Kennedy

60. Samantha

61. Maya

62. Willow

63. Kinsley

64. Naomi

65. Aaliyah

66. Elena

67. Sarah

68. Ariana

69. Allison

70. Gabriella

71. Alice

72. Madelyn

73. Cora

74. Ruby

75. Eva

76. Serenity

77. Autumn

78. Adeline

79. Hailey

80. Gianna

81. Valentina

82. Isla

83. Eliana

84. Quinn

85. Nevaeh

86. Ivy

87. Sadie

88. Piper

89. Lydia

90. Alexa

91. Josephine

92. Emery

93. Julia

94. Delilah

95. Arianna

96. Vivian

97. Kaylee

98. Sophie

99. Brielle

100. Madeline

101. Meghan

102. Dior

103. Adalee

104. Palmer

105. Oaklynn

106. Haisley

107. Keily

108. Novah

109. Yara

110. Ensley

111. Kamilah

112. Amaia

113. Keilani

114. Journi

115. Anais

116. Aitana

117. Kailani

118. Berkley

119. Ezra

120. Everlee

121. Meadow

122. Zora

123. Dream

124. Aislinn

125. Ailani

126. Everleigh

127. Arlette

128. Kaylani

129. Oaklyn

130. Miley

131. Brynleigh

132. Alianna

133. Rosalee

134. Malani

135. Kehlani

136. Elina

137. Reign

138. Austyn

139. Della

140. Kataleya

141. Harmoni

142. Octavia

143. Antonella

144. Legacy

145. Emory

146. Promise

147. Kamiyah

148. Davina

149. Itzayana

150. Romina

How did you pick your baby's name?  Share with us below where your baby's name came from and if there were any other names you were considering! 

Sleep Shaping for Daycare

Whether you are confident of your choice to send your child to daycare, or apprehensive, there are ways you can help prepare your family, and your child, for a smooth transition. One of the most significant adjustments besides being around new caregivers is for your child to sleep in a new space.  

Before your first days at daycare, we recommend getting a bit of information: 

Find out the daycare's daily schedule for your child's age and how much flexibility there is. For younger babies, having a nap schedule, for instance, won't be as rigid as for 18month or 2-year-olds. 

Points of interest: 

How much flexibility is there in the daily schedule? 

How often are diapers changed, and when? 

When are naps, and what is the classroom routine leading up to naps? What is the nap environment?

Do kids go outside at specific times? 

Are blankets/comfort objects from home welcome? Pacifiers?

All of these questions give you an idea of how far your child will need to "go" from napping at home to napping at daycare. 

You can help your child prepare for daycare and the changes that come with it by making some adaptations to your home routine that could mimic what happens at school. Any help small or large can ease your child's transition.  

Is your child used to sleeping in a pitch dark room for daytime naps? Perhaps in the week before daycare, you start to put your child to nap in a room with some light. 

Is your child used to a specific white noise machine, and your daycare plays a lullaby to go to sleep? You could start introducing music into your child's routine. 

Is your child used to going to sleep with a bottle or holding a cup? 

Once you have an idea of the typical day at the daycare for your child's age, understand that it is normal for sleep to be disrupted. It is also normal for your child to need more comfort after time away from familiar people. 

Know that you cannot prepare your child for every change they will encounter, and even with that reality, your child will be okay. You have selected a reputable and safe group of professionals to care for your child. You will do the things you need to do, and when you see them again, you can provide an opportunity to teach them a new way you can be counted on: You will come back to them.  

Reducing the Risk of SIDS

SIDS is the sudden unexpected death of an infant under one-year-old that cannot be explained after a thorough investigation, including an autopsy. SIDS is the name when there is no known name, Sudden Infant Death Syndrome. For that reason, it is incredibly difficult to give any assurance when it comes to avoiding the causes of it.  

But there is data, and with that data, there are some well-established risk factors that can be taken into account when making decisions for your family.  

In 1992 the American Academy of Pediatrics (AAP) gave the first recommendation to place babies on their back to sleep as a result of a broad study of SIDS. Later in 1996, the AAP revised their recommendation and started the "Back to Sleep" campaign (later renamed Safe to Sleep), stating back sleep is the only safe form of sleep for infants.  

This one change in education to new parents, and a broad campaign to help teach caregivers and communities, saw a drastic reduction in SIDS cases from 1990 to 2017 From 130.3 to 35.4 per 100,000 live births. 

Putting your baby to sleep on their back is one of the best ways you can reduce the risk for SIDS along with the following recommendations from the Mayo Clinic:

• Keep the crib as bare as possible. 

• Don't overheat your baby

• Room share, with baby sleeping in his or her own sleeping space

• Breastfeed your baby if possible, for at least six months

• Don't rely on commercial devices that claim to reduce the risk of SIDS, as they are ineffective and have safety issues

• Use a pacifier, but don't force your baby to take it and don't attach it to your child

• Immunize your baby

Other recommendations that are also beneficial to reduce SIDS are to quit smoking during and after pregnancy, and quit drinking and using illegal drugs during pregnancy.

Working Through The Baby Blues

If only the baby blues were only a catchy musical genre, then we'd be able to coast right through those first weeks of parenthood. But they aren't. They also don't need to be feared. 

The baby blues are the period from right after you deliver your baby through the next two or three weeks when it seems like your emotions, and the world has turned on its head. 

The name them the blues because it's not uncommon to be sad, teary, and quick to need reassurance. However, the opposite feelings are tucked in there too. These first weeks after you deliver are a roller coaster of highs and lows as your body works out how to produce the hormones, it stopped making when you became pregnant. Progesterone is primarily the hormone to take credit for these ups and downs, as the placenta takes overproduction. 

But that placenta, it doesn't slowly wean itself from the production line, no. It is birthed shortly after your baby, and you have to do a hard reentry. That sudden stop means your body has to work to find the right levels again. And whoa, it is a work in progress. 

What are the baby blues? 

• first 2-3 weeks after delivery 

• a completely normal part of recovering from birth

• a time of hormone regulation

• an emotionally fraught period, feelings and emotions being "closer" than normal

• possibly some heightened anxiety

• It's a time to feel all the things as they come up and through your healing period, be it body soreness, mental overload, grief about your birth experience, or loss of self or connections. 

What helps while working through the baby blues? 

Sleep

As hard as it might be to get rest, getting it will make a huge difference. If you are not the kind of person who can't nap, you may want to learn.

Expressing Those Emotions

…and having them validated. Feeling safe, able to share, and heard once you do are a part of the deep healing that

Connection with close support people

However it feels best, let your people help. It could be getting texts of encouragement and video chats to connect with friends and family, or it could be opportunities for you to vent. If you want people to be near, let people over who you know won't tonight any anxiety or shame. Let your home be an island and let those people who get access be ones who will support you right where you're at, wherever that may be.

Focusing on Basic Needs

Now is the time to put projects on hold and sink into the beauty of taking care of your daily needs. If you are feeling overwhelmed, anxious, or irritable, take a few deep breaths and ask yourself:

• Have I eaten?

• Should I lay down?

• When did I last have a glass of water? 

• Am I taking care of my healing body?

People Who Make It Easier

If you are able, get help from non-judgmental people like a supportive partner, friend, family member, or trained postpartum doula who can lighten the load, make your life easier. This could mean getting information. This could look like meals are getting made. This could look like holding your baby while you nap or shower. You get to pick what is most important each day, and these people get it.

The *NEW* Reality For Supporting New Parents

Being home with a newborn is a new world in typical situations, but with the COVID-19 pandemic, it is now a WHOLE NEW WORLD. 

Before COVID-19 there were some pretty standard "rules" of supporting new parents. Rules like, wash your hands, don't kiss the baby's mouth, and don't make the new family host when you are there. 

There is so much grief because of the changes to many labor and delivery wards. Limited support person in the delivery room, shorter healing time in the hospital, and less support once a family gets home means the rules have certainly changed for the weeks and months that follow as well. 

One of the main rules for supporting a new family is to stay home! And it is so hard, and heartbreaking! The rules are now NOT to go and see a new baby, NOT to go and hug and love on parents, and NOT to be a tangible helper when so much healing still is yet to happen.  

The immune systems of both the laboring parent and the new baby are compromised after birth. And no one can say when it will be safe to gather in groups like we used to.  

So what support can you offer new parents during COVID-19? 

Food = Support

Gift cards, porch meal deliveries, doing any shopping for the family, or order delivery! These are all great ways of taking stress off their plate to think of what to make or leave the house to get it. 

Words = Support

Sending care packages, encouraging cards, texts, and phone calls are all ways to offer encouragement since you can't be there face to face. The hours and days of new parents are both sluggish and speedy, so staying in touch can be a huge boost. 

Taking Over Tasks = Support

You may not be able to, but if you can, why not offer to walk the dog, have their car detailed, or mow their lawn (or find a service that you can be the financial backer for.) Being aware of all the "other" things that take up their time and energy can be a way to show you are thinking about them. 

Other Ways to Support 

Video Calls - We were getting used to video calls and FaceTime before the pandemic, but now you'll be a pro! You can connect with zoom, Skype, FaceTime, and even Facebook messenger. Pick one, for 5 minutes or 50. And once you get on a call, you can show even more support by asking some meaningful questions and then listening. Let these new parents talk about what they are experiencing and feeling. A well placed, "Tell me what yesterday was like for you?" or "How is your body feeling today?" could mean the world. 

Surprise door decor - Come by and sneak attack decorate their door, or porch, or if you know they'd be into it - their front yard. Knowing you were close, can sometimes be enough!

Plan a meeting through a window - sometimes close but apart is better than no meeting at all.  If you can visit by popping outside a window or sitting a chair on the porch for some quality time, why not?

One of the hardest parts of this is feeling alone and isolated.  All of these suggestions could be welcome to the people in your life who are going through one huge change after another.  And one last thing, on those notes, delivery instructions, and packages - be sure to tell them they are doing an incredible job because they are! 

The Stuff To Have During Pregnancy

This is a post about the stuff of pregnancy. But there are no links to products or top ten lists. This is a post about stuff that seems a bit more fluid, or a bit less tangible in some ways. This is a post from the perspective of someone who has gone through it and heard stories from those who have gone through it, and now is connecting the dots.

The Stuff of Pregnancy

Food That Nourishes Your Body & Your Spirit

Nutrition can be a source of stress, sickness, or irritation for pregnant people. We also hope it is a source of nourishment for your body and your spirit. You are going to see that there are countless pregnancy diets to follow. But every one of those has an undercurrent of privilege and maybe a whisper or two of judgment. The food you put into your body is extremely personal, so take a moment to think about what you might need, what would help you feel really, really good, and maybe add a bit of something that sounds delicious.

Clothing That Encourages Confidence & Clothing That Gives Comfort

Pregnancy is a place where things can feel great on your body one day, and like scratchy lava the next. With clothes, we hope you can take it a day at a time, and find clothes that mirror how amazing you are, even when you don't feel like that moment. Remember, right now, you are making an eye-ball, and millions of other things from scratch. You are and are making - a miracle. 

Pillows

So this is an actual thing - because your body is going to need support. Pregnancy is one time where yes, go to target and get 5 or 6 $4.99 pillows and revel in the glory of a small mountain of fluff to fall into each evening. When you look at how much satisfaction will come from that $30, it is an investment you could have made a long time ago. 

Information and Space to Decide Your Way

This can be a childbirth class, or a book, journal, or podcast. It is something that helps you understand what is happening inside your body (physically and emotionally). And it will help you prepare for what will happen when it is time for your baby to come to the outside of your body. This is your pregnancy, it's your body, and your preferences matter. We want you to know your options, and feel great about whatever choices you make. 

A Way to Remember When It’s Over

Being woke up at 1 am every night for months may not sound like a thing you want to remember about your pregnancy. But what about the kicks, rumbles, and flutters that are the cause of it? Some put photos or videos on Instagram and Facebook (or any of the other ways to remember) so that they have reminders years down the line of that one time it felt like you were carrying a small dinosaur doing cartwheels. Perhaps you prefer a journal where you can explore more of your private thoughts. They are both great ways to capture your experience.

Belonging, Love, & Safety
to explore the vastness of what you feel and what is about to happen

Our wish is for you to have these things: belonging, love, and safety during your pregnancy and early parenthood. It is a transition, unlike any you have ever endured, and it is not for the weak at heart. To explore your feelings, along with your desires at this time, is a huge vulnerability - we want you to go through it with the support to know you can feel anything you need to and still have a soft place to land when you get to the other side. A partner, friends, family member, or all of the above can be on your team with this. And if they aren't, we want you to know you deserve to have that, and we want you to find it. 

Odds and Ends

• water bottle

• snacks

• lots of massages

Relief For Morning Sickness

If you are looking up this blog, there is a good chance you already know "morning" sickness is a misnomer - that ish can come whenever and wherever she wants to! But joking aside, if you experience this part of pregnancy (and not all people do), you are not ok. 

The range of what is normal morning sickness is expansive. It could hit as soon as you are peeing on a stick, or it could happen at a specific time every day regardless of what you eat (or don't eat). It could happen only in the 1st trimester, or through your entire pregnancy. It's wild to think all that is included in "normal," like...do they even know what that word means? 

(Yes. Yes, they do.)

If you are feeling nausea during your pregnancy, there is a good chance you would like to suppress or eliminate that feeling. It's not one of the fun parts of pregnancy. Some things have been used throughout the years to help with morning sickness - some homeopathic, some not. 

Ginger 

There are many kinds of ginger chews that are marketed to pregnant people. You can try those, and you can try things like ginger tea, ginger-rich meals, ginger candy, ginger cookies, or anything else with ginger (we recommend laying off the Moscow Mules though.) One of the reasons ginger is believed to help with morning sickness is because of 6-gingerol, is known to help relax gastrointestinal muscles. For this reason, ginger is also used for seasickness!

Peppermint 

Peppermint is also an herb that is known to help with queasiness. Be it as an herbal tea, smelled through a diffuser, or as a candy, peppermint - and its cousin, Spearmint - are known to help with morning sickness. Peppermint has caused mild contractions in some people, so it is not suggested to not use large amounts of essential oils directly on large quantities of your body. 

Meal Methods

Sometimes it's not about what you eat, but how you eat it. Many who experience morning sickness claim small meals makes a difference. Some people will  eat before even leaving the bed, with a light start such as yogurt or like soup crackers or graham crackers, etc., and that will get them started well for the day. Then the chore is to stay on top of snacking at regular intervals and not overcoming ill feelings.  

Zofran

For those people who are suffering without any natural remedy seeming to help, thankfully, medical professionals know how to help. Zofran (ondansetron) is a drug that needs to be prescribed by your doctor but is a helpful tool to get through this part of your pregnancy. Zofran has been used in many settings to keep nausea and vomiting under control, such as with cancer patients, surgery patients, and radiation treatments. 

Traditional Chinese Medicine

If available, consider seeing a trained doctor of Chinese medicine for your morning sickness. The herbs and training used to treat pregnancy symptoms go beyond taking a pill, and the thorough examination to make the right recommendations for you is a unique way to blend medicine and homeopathy. 

Is Your Baby Overtired?

As adults, when we get really tired, we say we're exhausted, burnt out, or worn out. We empathize with others, and if it's ourselves, we try to do what we can to catch up or get rest when we can. We rationalize our way through it, and the emotions that come with being tired. 

For babies, we say they are overtired.

Overtired is used to signify when a baby is past tired, to a point where that "normal" coping techniques no longer work, and may instead instigate more restlessness. Overtiredness can happen from missed naps or inadequate sleep night after night. Regardless if sleep is lost during the day or night, over tiredness occurs when the needed rest in 24 hours isn't reached. 

How does a baby get "overtired?"

Babies can get overtired in many ways. Commonly, it happens when early signs of tiredness are missed, and their ability to process the world around them becomes difficult. It can happen from excessive stimulation or disruption to settling into sleep. The environment, exposure to people, and noise are all a part of excessive stimulation, and the world itself can overstimulate depending on your baby's age. 

Other reasons for overtiredness could be developmental leaps, teething, illness, or excessive sleep disruptions. 

What does overtired look like on a baby? 

Often overtired looks like a cranky, crying, squirmy, and unconsolable. There may be red-rimmed eyes. There may be tight fists. There may be stiff arms and legs. 

If your baby is so tired, why don't they go to sleep?

When all their needs are met, a tired baby can often settle themselves to sleep with some shhhing, white noise, a little rocking, or some rhythmic back or butt parts. An overtired child has lost their ability to give into that calm state and feel safe to drift off to sleep. As adults, we can rationalize being awake, and readjust positions, pillows, or do something like reading a book to help get back to a restful state. Babies can't rationalize their emotions and ask for what they need. They don't know they are overtired. They only feel they are not ok. 

How to help an overtired baby: 

• Sleep begets more sleep with babies, so starting anything new with an overtired baby is not recommended. The first concern is getting them to rest any way it is possible. That could look like taking a walk and letting them sleep in the stroller, babywearing, letting them fall asleep on you while rocking, or holding them as long as they need. 

• To help an inconsolable child, we don't recommend adding to any of the stimuli by starting to bounce excessively, or trying to distract them with a favorite toy or noisy learning device. We suggest holding your child in a dim room with calm firm harms, and sitting on an exercise ball, or a rocking chair if they will tolerate it, to offer some smooth movement. While holding and rolling or rocking, talk in a gentle voice, saying, "I am here with you" or using a hmmm noise. From here, try any of the methods above to help get some catch-up sleep. 

If it feels like your baby is often challenging to put to sleep, it may be time to rethink your daily and nightly routines. 

Sleep recommendations from the National Sleep Foundation: 

newborn (0 to 3 months) | 14 to 17 hours

infants (4 to 12 months) | 12 to 15 hours

toddlers (1 to 2 years) | 11 to 14 hours

preschool (3 to 5 years) | 10 to 13 hours

school-age children (6 to 12 years) | 9 to 11 hours

teenagers (13 to 17 years) | 8 to 10 hours

adults (18 to 54 years old) | 7 to 9 hours

older adults (55 and older) | 7 to 8 hours

3 Ways For Partners To Bond With Baby

Forming a relationship with your baby seems to some to come quickly for some. However, if that isn't you, learning how to build a relationship with someone who does not speak, or really even move that much, is difficult. 

For the majority of time when your newborn comes home, bonding centers around fulfilling their needs - holding them for comfort, feeding them, and helping them rest. It tends to be a very one-sided relationship - until we break down what is happening hormonally. Hormonally, both are benefitting from the exchange.

Oxytocin is the bonding hormone. It is also the "love" hormone. And it is a hormone that gets released when we eat, when we pet our animals, and when we give or receive hugs from people we like. 

So how do we get oxytocin flowing? Plenty of ways! We want to give some ideas of how to bond with your baby that isn't breastfeeding so you can stimulate healthy connections. 

Rethinking The Diaper Change

Changing diapers often gets sold as the worst job. But what if I were to tell you that the time you spend changing diapers can be one of the most powerful for forming connections and bonding? 

Think about it. If the intent of the diaper change shifts to bonding with your baby, then the experience can be one where you both benefit. 

• Start with talking about what you are about to do: "Ok, baby, you have some messy pants, and to help you feel better and stay healthy, I'm going to change you!" 

• Keep talk through what you are doing with lots of eye contact: "I'm going to take your pants off, and unsnap your shirt, take your diaper off...here is the wipe...it might be a little bit cold!...now I'll lift your legs, and pull this all snug and secure...and now I'll get all your clothes on and help you get warm and snuggly again!" 

• You can be quick about the diaper change if you like, but why not also stimulate your baby's toes or feet and name the things they are feeling: "These are your toes! You will be able to wiggle your toes soon! Can you touch your toes? Are your feet ticklish?"

• When you are done, tell your baby you are done! "We're all done changing your diaper. Now we are going to visit the sink to wash hands, and then see what else is going on in the house!" 

You are going to spend A LOT of time changing diapers during your child's life. If you start explaining what you are doing, as they get older, you will notice your baby may begin to anticipate what comes next, and lift their legs for you, or put their feet down. Knowing what is happening helps to build trust, and trust helps to strengthen bonds in a family!

Bedtime routine 

Bedtime routines come in every shape and size, from a bath with lotion, pajamas, books, lullabies, and last feedings, to just putting your babe in their swaddle. Whatever you decide as a family to do for bedtime, just about every part can be an opportunity to bond. 

Bathtime - can offer warmth and comfort that helps to relax and release stress

Lotion- once your baby is old enough to use lotion, it turns into an experience for skin-to-skin contact. Skin to skin increases blood flow, and oxytocin AND reduces stress

Reading books - Reading books is a great way to bond at any time of the day. It is a chance for closeness, a way to hear your voice, and have a new experience with an object that moves in a linear timeline, offering more opportunity for predictability and joy as you find certain books you like to read over and over. 

Babywearing

Using a babywearing device is an excellent way to bond because of the sheer closeness and ease of movement. Your baby can feel the comfort be being close to a trusted caregiver, plus have the comfort of movement and vibration from vocal tones. The other added benefit is that if there is a need your baby has, you can give care very quickly. 

• Did a pacifier fall out? 

• Irritation from a wet diaper? 

• Starting to get hungry? 

You are touching, so meeting those needs can happen very quickly! 

These are a few ways to bond outside of mealtimes, but any interaction can be an opportunity to bond with your baby. Make eye contact, hold your baby's hand, talk in a soothing voice, and build each of those interactions on top of another.  

Top Tips For Twins

Twins are hard. Most parents can imagine some balance with a newborn because one baby means, at least some of the time, you get a break. But with twins, it can feel like you are tag teamed! 

Even with two adults in the house, having two babies is different than having one. Most twin experts will share that two babies mean the ability to be "flexible" with their day-to-day schedule is no longer possible. Because if you imagine 15 minutes of a nap stretched here or 30 minutes of pushing a meal there - all of a sudden, your kids are operating precisely like a tag-team duo! And that isn't sustainable. 

Some good news - most parents of twins agree that getting through the 1st year is the hardest, and it starts to feel less overwhelming through the 2nd. There are fewer wakeups at night, extended spaces between feedings, and real food means fewer bottles to wash! But until then, here are some top tips for parenting twins as you get into your groove. 

1.You won't need to buy two of EVERYTHING, but...

you will need two of the essentials: 

• car seats

• swaddles (even more in reality because - spit up)

• bassinet/cribs

• swings

• diaper bags (so you can take them out separately!)

• high chairs

• babywearing devices

2.When you can have help, accept it! 

Be it free help, or help you hire, say yes. Extra hands can always wash up, hold a baby, or feed a baby. And if the support is a professional, you can get a deserved break to sleep, or do any other thing you and your partner want to do. Grandparents are great, trading babysitting with other couples with multiples can be an ongoing way to foster reata friendship, or working with a postpartum doula are all great ways to have help!

3. Autonomy vs. Twin Identity

Your babies may have shared a womb, but they are individuals. Try to allow them time to learn about things both with their sibling and apart. Treating them as an individual and as a part of a duo will help them understand how they fit into their special corner of the world. 

4. Feeding support

If you are planning to breastfeed, parents and experts advise working with a lactation consultant early to develop healthy expectations and safe plan. The additional information from an IBCLC can also help you understand the unique situation you and your family are in and not general information shared in twin groups and books. 

5. Schedules and organization and staggering, oh my!

Most twin families swear by living on a schedule for order, predictability, and to keep the kids working together - instead of that tag team business we mentioned above. 

But that doesn't mean you have to wake both babies to eat or have two babies on a changing table at a time! Think more like when one baby wakes, feed that baby, then wakeup the other, staggered by about 15-20 minutes. What doesn't work is feeding one baby, and waiting until the other baby wants to wake up on his or her own - that is when opposite schedules start, and it's hard to get back in sync. 

6. Three words, "Hand me downs."

We're not saying you can't have new items for your babies. But expand your thinking to include hand-me-downs, because in the first years, your babies will be going through a lot of clothing. And sometimes, it's okay if another baby spits up on that onesie before your baby spits up on it - with laundering in between, of course.