7 Things No One Told Me About Postpartum

This weeks blog is a bit different. We talk so much about pregnancy and birth, sometimes the vulnerable, post partum stage of having a baby gets left behind. Pregnancy was such an amazing time from the moment I got a positive pregnancy test. I feel like, and im sure almost everyone can relate, every bit of planning was based around pregnancy, labor and birth, and then baby once baby is here. What you should eat during pregnancy, best tips for labor, etc. What I felt like they didn’t prepare me for much was the post partum part of having a baby. The care for the birthing person after baby is born is not as intensive as I thought it would be. There is maybe one 6 week post partum visit and then youre on your way. I can sit here and talk about the lack of post partum care in the U.S all night, but instead, ill just share the top 7 things about post partum no body warned me about. Sorry if this gets intense, but then again, post partum is not for the weak, its ALL intense. Shit’s about to get REAL.

The not so pretty truth.

THE TEARS. Nobody told me how many tears I would cry the first few days, hell even the first few weeks. I was not prepared for the hormone changes, YET AGAIN. I remember one time coming home from the hospital, I sat on my bed and for no reason, just burst into tears. I remember thinking and feeling so silly because I wasn’t sad, I was the happiest I had been in a long time, I mean I just brought my baby home and life was amazing. WHY WAS I CRYING? Why did I feel this overwhelming sensation to just bawl my eyes out. Ill tell you why… HORMONES. Lesson learned? Cry. Just freaking cry. It feels good. And no youre not crazy.

THE SWEATS. Not only was I unprepared for the crying, but I have to sweat too?? The hormones have me crying, sweating so much that im waking up drenched, I seriously had no idea. It was one of those cold sweats that you get when youre sick… but youre not sick. You just had a baby. 

THE LACK OF SLEEP. This one is an obvious one because…duh new baby. But the kind of not ever sleeping again im talking about is the kind where you just cant do anything but stare at your sleeping newborn baby. Talk about love at first sight…am I right? You should be sleeping but staring at that little teeny bit of perfection is much better than sleeping. 

THE BLEEDING. I knew down there wouldn’t be too pretty for a long time but having almost a literal period for almost like a month… month and a half? Totally not prepared for. I had to wear a pad and granny panties for way longer than I expected. And why was there so much blood? I don’t think I wanted to stand up for days because of the ick I felt when I did. I couldn’t walk straight for weeks. 

THE CRAMPS. Contractions during labor are a given.. obviously. How about contractions AFTER birth? LOL yes.. it’s a thing. I remember crying out for something to help the contractions during breastfeeding. They are no joke. Turns out its actually a good thing though. As you breastfeed, or even if you don’t, your uterus contracts to go back down to normal size after the birth of your baby. Sooo lots of curse words if that’s your things. It was for me.

THE SORE NIPPLES. This is totally just a breastfeeding thing but holy nipples. Once your milk comes in, your breasts are going to HURT. And then your nipples hurt. If your baby has a bad latch, they also might crack and bleed. How absolutely wonderful is that? 

THE LOVE. I feel like this is an obvious one but the amount of love youll have for this precious life you and your partner created is unmatched. Out of all the things everyone prepped me for becoming a parent….the LOVE was definitely one that was accurate.

Becoming a parent is tough and definitely not textbook, its different for everyone. But I hope you find some peace and comfort in this crazy journey throughout parenthood. Remember that you matter, and its okay to ask for help if you feel you are struggling in your postpartum journey, visit Postpartum Support International. Here you will find many helpful resources including a help line and weekly meetings.

Whether you are looking for an extra set of hands or you just need a good night’s sleep, your postpartum doula is here for you. Overnight care is a wonderful option for new parents because you get quality sleep while your doula takes care of everything else.

If you are interested in more information and want to connect with your doula today, you can find us at Uptown Doula.

Written by: Natalie Story

2020 Name Trends

While much of the world has slowed and changed, babies are still being born. And having a baby still means parents are searching for the perfect name to give their children. 

How do you decide? It is so personal! Some names are "classic" and stay relevant regardless of social influence, and some names are linked directly to significant cultural events.  

We are halfway through 2020, and babies are still being born. With all of the global events that have happened in these first months, it's not hard to imagine a group of names that could come out of the news: 

Names From The News: 

• Rona

• Covid

• Pan

• Meghan

• Harry

• Royal

• Brexit

• Duke

• Kobe

• Gigi

• Bernie

• Elizabeth

For some people, the reality of becoming a parent is a welcome distraction to the stress and anxiety that 2020 has offered. For those folks, reading through lists of popular names from times past can be fun and rewarding, with ideas that you may not have thought of on your own. 

Below are some of the most popular names from SSA, Nameberry, and Babycenter: 

Boys: 

1. Liam

2. Noah

3. William

4. James

5. Oliver

6. Benjamin

7. Elijah

8. Lucas

9. Mason

10. Logan

11. Alexander

12. Ethan

13. Jacob

14. Michael

15. Daniel

16. Henry

17. Jackson

18. Sebastian

19. Aiden

20. Matthew

21. Samuel

22. David

23. Joseph

24. Carter

25. Owen

26. Wyatt

27. John

28. Jack

29. Luke

30. Jayden

31. Dylan

32. Grayson

33. Levi

34. Isaac

35. Gabriel

36. Julian

37. Mateo

38. Anthony

39. Jaxon

40. Lincoln

41. Joshua

42. Christopher

43. Andrew

44. Theodore

45. Caleb

46. Ryan

47. Asher

48. Nathan

49. Thomas

50. Leo

51. Isaiah

52. Charles

53. Josiah

54. Hudson

55. Christian

56. Hunter

57. Connor

58. Eli

59. Ezra

60. Aaron

61. Landon

62. Adrian

63. Jonathan

64. Nolan

65. Jeremiah

66. Easton

67. Elias

68. Colton

69. Cameron

70. Carson

71. Robert

72. Angel

73. Maverick

74. Nicholas

75. Dominic

76. Jaxson

77. Greyson

78. Adam

79. Ian

80. Austin

81. Santiago

82. Jordan

83. Cooper

84. Brayden

85. Roman

86. Evan

87. Ezekiel

88. Xavier

89. Jose

90. Jace

91. Jameson

92. Leonardo

93. Bryson

94. Axel

95. Everett

96. Parker

97. Kayden

98. Miles

99. Sawyer

100. Jason

101. Genesis

102. Saint

103. Bake

104. Kairo

105. Watson

106. Kenzo

107. Jaxtyn

108. Kylo

109. Dakari

110. Karsyn

111. Mordechai

112. Bowie

113. Kamdyn

114. Bode

115. Ashton

116. Zaid

117. Onyx

118. Benicio

119. Wells

120. Archie

121. Krew

122. Santana

123. Zakai

124. Elian

125. Aries

126. Koda

127. Kabir

128. Deshawn

129. Denver

130. Wallace

131. Benedict

132. Crew

133. Kamryn

134. Ledger

135. Korbyn

136. Marcellus

137. Imran

138. Cairo

139. Huxley

140. Ralph

141. Koa

142. Kaiser

143. Luka

144. Harlem

145. Elon

146. Sonny

147. Gatlin

148. Memphis

149. Gianni

150. Brixton

Girls: 

1. Emma

2. Olivia

3. Ava

4. Isabella

5. Sophia

6. Charlotte

7. Mia

8. Amelia

9. Harper

10. Evelyn

11. Abigail

12. Emily

13. Elizabeth

14. Mila

15. Ella

16. Avery

17. Sofia

18. Camila

19. Aria

20. Scarlett

21. Victoria

22. Madison

23. Luna

24. Grace

25. Chloe

26. Penelope

27. Layla

28. Riley

29. Zoey

30. Nora

31. Lily

32. Eleanor

33. Hannah

34. Lillian

35. Addison

36. Aubrey

37. Ellie

38. Stella

39. Natalie

40. Zoe

41. Leah

42. Hazel

43. Violet

44. Aurora

45. Savannah

46. Audrey

47. Brooklyn

48. Bella

49. Claire

50. Skylar

51. Lucy

52. Paisley

53. Everly

54. Anna

55. Caroline

56. Nova

57. Genesis

58. Emilia

59. Kennedy

60. Samantha

61. Maya

62. Willow

63. Kinsley

64. Naomi

65. Aaliyah

66. Elena

67. Sarah

68. Ariana

69. Allison

70. Gabriella

71. Alice

72. Madelyn

73. Cora

74. Ruby

75. Eva

76. Serenity

77. Autumn

78. Adeline

79. Hailey

80. Gianna

81. Valentina

82. Isla

83. Eliana

84. Quinn

85. Nevaeh

86. Ivy

87. Sadie

88. Piper

89. Lydia

90. Alexa

91. Josephine

92. Emery

93. Julia

94. Delilah

95. Arianna

96. Vivian

97. Kaylee

98. Sophie

99. Brielle

100. Madeline

101. Meghan

102. Dior

103. Adalee

104. Palmer

105. Oaklynn

106. Haisley

107. Keily

108. Novah

109. Yara

110. Ensley

111. Kamilah

112. Amaia

113. Keilani

114. Journi

115. Anais

116. Aitana

117. Kailani

118. Berkley

119. Ezra

120. Everlee

121. Meadow

122. Zora

123. Dream

124. Aislinn

125. Ailani

126. Everleigh

127. Arlette

128. Kaylani

129. Oaklyn

130. Miley

131. Brynleigh

132. Alianna

133. Rosalee

134. Malani

135. Kehlani

136. Elina

137. Reign

138. Austyn

139. Della

140. Kataleya

141. Harmoni

142. Octavia

143. Antonella

144. Legacy

145. Emory

146. Promise

147. Kamiyah

148. Davina

149. Itzayana

150. Romina

How did you pick your baby's name?  Share with us below where your baby's name came from and if there were any other names you were considering! 

Reducing the Risk of SIDS

SIDS is the sudden unexpected death of an infant under one-year-old that cannot be explained after a thorough investigation, including an autopsy. SIDS is the name when there is no known name, Sudden Infant Death Syndrome. For that reason, it is incredibly difficult to give any assurance when it comes to avoiding the causes of it.  

But there is data, and with that data, there are some well-established risk factors that can be taken into account when making decisions for your family.  

In 1992 the American Academy of Pediatrics (AAP) gave the first recommendation to place babies on their back to sleep as a result of a broad study of SIDS. Later in 1996, the AAP revised their recommendation and started the "Back to Sleep" campaign (later renamed Safe to Sleep), stating back sleep is the only safe form of sleep for infants.  

This one change in education to new parents, and a broad campaign to help teach caregivers and communities, saw a drastic reduction in SIDS cases from 1990 to 2017 From 130.3 to 35.4 per 100,000 live births. 

Putting your baby to sleep on their back is one of the best ways you can reduce the risk for SIDS along with the following recommendations from the Mayo Clinic:

• Keep the crib as bare as possible. 

• Don't overheat your baby

• Room share, with baby sleeping in his or her own sleeping space

• Breastfeed your baby if possible, for at least six months

• Don't rely on commercial devices that claim to reduce the risk of SIDS, as they are ineffective and have safety issues

• Use a pacifier, but don't force your baby to take it and don't attach it to your child

• Immunize your baby

Other recommendations that are also beneficial to reduce SIDS are to quit smoking during and after pregnancy, and quit drinking and using illegal drugs during pregnancy.

The *NEW* Reality For Supporting New Parents

Being home with a newborn is a new world in typical situations, but with the COVID-19 pandemic, it is now a WHOLE NEW WORLD. 

Before COVID-19 there were some pretty standard "rules" of supporting new parents. Rules like, wash your hands, don't kiss the baby's mouth, and don't make the new family host when you are there. 

There is so much grief because of the changes to many labor and delivery wards. Limited support person in the delivery room, shorter healing time in the hospital, and less support once a family gets home means the rules have certainly changed for the weeks and months that follow as well. 

One of the main rules for supporting a new family is to stay home! And it is so hard, and heartbreaking! The rules are now NOT to go and see a new baby, NOT to go and hug and love on parents, and NOT to be a tangible helper when so much healing still is yet to happen.  

The immune systems of both the laboring parent and the new baby are compromised after birth. And no one can say when it will be safe to gather in groups like we used to.  

So what support can you offer new parents during COVID-19? 

Food = Support

Gift cards, porch meal deliveries, doing any shopping for the family, or order delivery! These are all great ways of taking stress off their plate to think of what to make or leave the house to get it. 

Words = Support

Sending care packages, encouraging cards, texts, and phone calls are all ways to offer encouragement since you can't be there face to face. The hours and days of new parents are both sluggish and speedy, so staying in touch can be a huge boost. 

Taking Over Tasks = Support

You may not be able to, but if you can, why not offer to walk the dog, have their car detailed, or mow their lawn (or find a service that you can be the financial backer for.) Being aware of all the "other" things that take up their time and energy can be a way to show you are thinking about them. 

Other Ways to Support 

Video Calls - We were getting used to video calls and FaceTime before the pandemic, but now you'll be a pro! You can connect with zoom, Skype, FaceTime, and even Facebook messenger. Pick one, for 5 minutes or 50. And once you get on a call, you can show even more support by asking some meaningful questions and then listening. Let these new parents talk about what they are experiencing and feeling. A well placed, "Tell me what yesterday was like for you?" or "How is your body feeling today?" could mean the world. 

Surprise door decor - Come by and sneak attack decorate their door, or porch, or if you know they'd be into it - their front yard. Knowing you were close, can sometimes be enough!

Plan a meeting through a window - sometimes close but apart is better than no meeting at all.  If you can visit by popping outside a window or sitting a chair on the porch for some quality time, why not?

One of the hardest parts of this is feeling alone and isolated.  All of these suggestions could be welcome to the people in your life who are going through one huge change after another.  And one last thing, on those notes, delivery instructions, and packages - be sure to tell them they are doing an incredible job because they are! 

3 Ways For Partners To Bond With Baby

Forming a relationship with your baby seems to some to come quickly for some. However, if that isn't you, learning how to build a relationship with someone who does not speak, or really even move that much, is difficult. 

For the majority of time when your newborn comes home, bonding centers around fulfilling their needs - holding them for comfort, feeding them, and helping them rest. It tends to be a very one-sided relationship - until we break down what is happening hormonally. Hormonally, both are benefitting from the exchange.

Oxytocin is the bonding hormone. It is also the "love" hormone. And it is a hormone that gets released when we eat, when we pet our animals, and when we give or receive hugs from people we like. 

So how do we get oxytocin flowing? Plenty of ways! We want to give some ideas of how to bond with your baby that isn't breastfeeding so you can stimulate healthy connections. 

Rethinking The Diaper Change

Changing diapers often gets sold as the worst job. But what if I were to tell you that the time you spend changing diapers can be one of the most powerful for forming connections and bonding? 

Think about it. If the intent of the diaper change shifts to bonding with your baby, then the experience can be one where you both benefit. 

• Start with talking about what you are about to do: "Ok, baby, you have some messy pants, and to help you feel better and stay healthy, I'm going to change you!" 

• Keep talk through what you are doing with lots of eye contact: "I'm going to take your pants off, and unsnap your shirt, take your diaper off...here is the wipe...it might be a little bit cold!...now I'll lift your legs, and pull this all snug and secure...and now I'll get all your clothes on and help you get warm and snuggly again!" 

• You can be quick about the diaper change if you like, but why not also stimulate your baby's toes or feet and name the things they are feeling: "These are your toes! You will be able to wiggle your toes soon! Can you touch your toes? Are your feet ticklish?"

• When you are done, tell your baby you are done! "We're all done changing your diaper. Now we are going to visit the sink to wash hands, and then see what else is going on in the house!" 

You are going to spend A LOT of time changing diapers during your child's life. If you start explaining what you are doing, as they get older, you will notice your baby may begin to anticipate what comes next, and lift their legs for you, or put their feet down. Knowing what is happening helps to build trust, and trust helps to strengthen bonds in a family!

Bedtime routine 

Bedtime routines come in every shape and size, from a bath with lotion, pajamas, books, lullabies, and last feedings, to just putting your babe in their swaddle. Whatever you decide as a family to do for bedtime, just about every part can be an opportunity to bond. 

Bathtime - can offer warmth and comfort that helps to relax and release stress

Lotion- once your baby is old enough to use lotion, it turns into an experience for skin-to-skin contact. Skin to skin increases blood flow, and oxytocin AND reduces stress

Reading books - Reading books is a great way to bond at any time of the day. It is a chance for closeness, a way to hear your voice, and have a new experience with an object that moves in a linear timeline, offering more opportunity for predictability and joy as you find certain books you like to read over and over. 

Babywearing

Using a babywearing device is an excellent way to bond because of the sheer closeness and ease of movement. Your baby can feel the comfort be being close to a trusted caregiver, plus have the comfort of movement and vibration from vocal tones. The other added benefit is that if there is a need your baby has, you can give care very quickly. 

• Did a pacifier fall out? 

• Irritation from a wet diaper? 

• Starting to get hungry? 

You are touching, so meeting those needs can happen very quickly! 

These are a few ways to bond outside of mealtimes, but any interaction can be an opportunity to bond with your baby. Make eye contact, hold your baby's hand, talk in a soothing voice, and build each of those interactions on top of another.  

4 Friends You Need For Postpartum Recovery

Having gone through many postpartum experiences with the families who hire us for labor support and postpartum support, we have identified some pretty important people. They are The Friends.  The front line for emotional security when you are trying to figure out what life looks like with a baby in it. 

These friends could be individuals, or maybe one friend checks off a couple of these boxes. But however they appear, these folks are saints, and we love them for their contributions to healing postpartum families. 

The Hold My Baby Friend

This is a friend that leaves you feeling relieved to have someone you trust to hold your baby. They don't make a big deal out doing it. They look genuinely pleased to take up the task. And the kicker, they aren't offended if you want your baby back. The Hold My Baby Friend is a person who understands that you may need a break to do things like go to the bathroom, or lift your arms above your head. This friend puts you to ease when they are holding your baby, instead of putting you on edge. They are magical. 

The Meme Friend

This is a friend to delivers on your need for a 45-second break. There is nothing like a well-timed meme-delivery when a new parent is on the edge of losing it. A laugh, guffaw, or smirk also helps break up the sometimes-overwhelming reality of always thinking about a newborn. Just a quick 45-second vacation can sometimes turn around your whole day to know you are not alone. 

The Friend Who Feeds You

It's really incredible that, often after having a baby, new parents are not good at feeding themselves. Especially if that parent is breastfeeding. The Friend Who Feeds You can look like a lot of things: It could be the person organizing a meal train; the person who stops by to literally only hand you food through the door and leave; or the person who, when they come over, somehow turns what you have into a meal and makes sure you put some of it in your mouth before they leave. The Friend Who Feeds You may even trick you into eating, saying they need a bite to eat, then makes enough for you to nibble right along through the whole visit without ever pressuring you into doing anything. 

The Check-In Friend

We love the Check-in Friend, and the Check-in Friend loves you. This friend is a great listener and great at asking questions. They affirm as they are listening, saying things like, "That sounds hard, I'm so glad you shared that with me." The Check-in Friend genuinely cares about your body and your mind through this, and ideally, makes you feel safe sharing with them. They can ask about struggles, joys, surprising moments, and the raw emotion of the experience. They want to know. It is not a hardship for them to help carry the weight of this new lifestyle with you. 

For all these friends and others who help fill the gaps, we salute them all!   They share in loving your kiddo and ride through the precious moments of parenthood with you. We are not capable or intended to parent inside a bubble, but to share the ups and downs together. Don't be afraid to ask for help. And don't be scared to accept the help these loving friends are happy to offer!

Fact About Sleep

There is a lot of misinformation circulated by well-meaning friends and sources about infant sleep. Who are you supposed to trust when it comes to getting your baby to rest? There are aunties, experienced parents, blogs, and pediatricians who all have THE tools to get your baby to sleep reliably.

Still, when you try to implement what they say, it ends up being a mish-mash of a little bit of one thing, and some of what you remembered reading, and the all-too-real stuff of what actually worked to get your baby to dreamland.

We love helping families learn strategies to use with their children, and learn how they can best meet their kids where they are at in their sleep journey. One of the most important factors in getting to the roots of their information, and give a foundation of facts. From there, we get to layer your baby's personality, needs, and lifestyle on top of it. Here are some facts about sleep every parent should know

Sleep is essential, and if your baby is overtired, your priority is to get them sleep of any kind.

An overtired baby may not be easily soothed, but getting your baby sleep has to happen before you can use trusted tools to help them going forward. So if going for a walk, using a babywearing device, going for a drive, or holding your baby is the only way you know to get them sleep, we start there.

Having help for this part is usually a game-changer, and a trusted friend, tagging out with a partner, or hiring a postpartum doula is an excellent option for helping you to stem the seemingly endless need for your baby to be attached to you.

Advice from your pediatrician does not always follow safe sleep guidelines - and it can be a problem.

Many pediatricians advise having an elevated sleep surface or using rolled towels or blankets to prop or move your baby into a position that helps them sleep, especially if your baby has any sort of reflux. This is not recommended by the AAP and does not follow safe sleep recommendations.

Having conflicted professionals giving you advice is part of the struggle parents have to navigate. Educating yourself on why those recommendations are offered is as important as getting the information.

Your baby does not sleep the same way you do - so you can't expect them to sleep the way you do.

Your baby is not physically or mentally wired to go to sleep like you are. Your baby has seldom been in the positions we place them to sleep as newborns, and they have sleep reflexes that have helped keep our species alive until they are better able to care for themselves. These reflexes make it hard for babies to have long stretches of sleep.

Learning about your baby's sleep cycles and how your baby's brain works are some ways you can quiet expectations of your wee babe.

Babies show sleepiness in varying stages.

Like there are hunger cues to learn, there are sleep cues you can learn. Both have early, mid, and late signals.

Here are some early, mid, and late cues your baby is tired and ready for sleep:

Early:

Spacing, or gazing for periods of time
Red-rimmed eyes
Jerking head or arm movements

Mid:

Trying to pull or grab their face
Yawning
"Settling sounds" like grunts or squeaks, or long sighs

Late:

Crying
Being hard to soothe
Back is arched, or very tight muscles and rigid body

Sleep begets sleep, and putting off a nap will not make a baby sleep longer or later.

Depending on your child's age, it may seem like all you are doing after they wake up is getting ready for their next nap - and after getting a diaper change, and more food, it very well may be the case! But your baby needs to sleep A LOT, which means their awake times seem to move pretty quickly.

One thing that is not true is that prolonging awake time will make babies sleep "better" or "longer." When sleep is stalled, babies need extra help to calm and be soothed. Their naps most likely will remain the same length because of the way they cycle through sleep, meaning they only get less sleep overall.

The sleep cycles for babies mean they are designed to have more periods where they can be woken up by hunger, wetness, or other basic needs as a survival mechanism. Their ability to "rationalize" through light sleeping times and self soothe back to sleep depends on age, overall weight gain, and having developmental milestones met.

Sleep needs to be evaluated in a 24-hour period, not just overnight.

Some of the confusion about helping babies sleep in longer stretches, is that their daytime routine needs to be considered as well. If your baby is not able to have restorative sleep during the day, it is harder for them to have restorative sleep at night. They may be exerting too much energy and need to have more calories. They may need help to nap with the use of a sound machine or reducing noise or light. Or, It may be early cues are missed, and the window for sleep gets missed until the next cycle for sleep is next available.

Are You Scared To Give Your Baby A Pacifier?

Soothies, binkie, paci...whatever you call it in your family, pacifiers have been used for generations.

Before polymers were used from the discovery of rubber trees, cultures around the world used things like beads made of wood, or other things like ivory, mother-of-pearl, bone, or coral, were used on the opposite end of a rattle, or the "gum stick" to help soothe a baby.

Modern pacifiers in the United States undergo an immense amount of regulation. Early models proved two-piece pacifiers and hard plastic pacifiers posed too much risk and required oversight. Today, the worry isn't so much in the material that is used, but IF pacifiers should be used! Concerns like "nipple confusion" or of orthodontic damage done if they are used too long into adolescence.

The concern about “nipple confusion” stems from trouble breast- and chest-feeding families may have if a pacifier is introduced too soon after birth. The thought is that a baby will be soothed by sucking and waive their natural cues to eat.

The other concern is that a baby will become used to sucking on the pacifier, and "forget" how to feed from the breast, making it harder for families to sustain that form of nutrition. We want to dispel the notion of "nipple confusion" for all those families who feel afraid to introduce a pacifier or bottle for fear of sabotaging a breastfeeding relationship.

Your baby is smart. Your baby is not confused!

Your baby understands that eating from a bottle is easier than latching and suckling. It isn't nipple confusion - it's nipple preference! So let's celebrate your smart baby! And we can support their need to suckle, and your desire to feed at the breast. Both can happen! To counter the smooth flow of milk from a bottle, we suggest you introduce Paced Bottle-Feeding.

If you want to use a pacifier, we recommend using it only when you know the pacifier is not delaying a feed. The need to suck is a real comfort, and some babies need to suck more than others. Pacifiers are a great way to help those babies find comfort in between feedings.

As for the type of pacifier to use, you may be feeling overwhelmed with the options!

Some brands you may consider:

• Natural rubber pacifier: natursutten

• Soothie Pacifier: One piece and easy to find in stores

• Soothie Pacifier: With detachable, and easy to clean toy

• Best for newborns: Mam Brand

One last note on pacifier use and when to introduce them:

Just like breastfeeding is a skill that your baby has to develop, learning how to suckle a pacifier and have the ability to hold it in one’s mouth is a skill that has to be developed! Many families wait to introduce a pacifier for fear it can damage a breastfeeding relationship, and inadvertently miss the window of opportunity to introduce its use.

So! We recommend introducing pacifiers (and bottles if you plan to use them AT ANY TIME in your feeding plan) between 6-10 weeks of age. They don’t have to be used all the time, but without at least some sporadic use, you will never get the benefits of these tools.

3 Things You Didn't Know Were A Part of Recovering From Birth

When you imagine your life after having a baby, it is easy to see the diapers, snuggling, and a slew of baby items taking up space in your house. And if you have been reading up on birth recovery, you know your physical needs will need to be a priority in those first weeks home as well. 

We want to share three real parts of recovering from birth in the U.S. that are becoming more and more "normal" but are still quite overwhelming and debilitating. Not because we want to scare you, but because it is never wrong to share about a potential struggle so it can benefit others from overcoming their own!

3 Normal Things in Postpartum Recovery That Can Feel Overwhelming

ONE - Anger, anxiety, and sadness will nestle into a new part of your awareness.

Many people in the U.S. are late to understand the magnitude of the "mindfulness movement" to heighten their emotional intelligence or participate more fully in their self-care rituals. Instead, it is common for feelings to be buried or ignored. Or more common, it is human nature to take any feelings of discomfort and pain and find ways to blame others as the cause. 

In the postpartum period, it is common to feel intense moods, positive and negative. Early stages are referred to as baby blues, and longer lasting symptoms may be signs of P.M.A.D.s like postpartum depression, or postpartum anxiety. Your feelings seem bigger, or maybe even out of control, and it may seem like you are a stranger to yourself. The postpartum person is one that deserves an immense amount of compassion and support. The feelings, changes, and experiences are all combined and are overwhelming. The overwhelm can feel debilitating. 

TWO - It is normal not to know what you want, or how to ask

Having a strong emotional ties to your baby is a developmental trait that has helped our species survive. AND it makes it very hard for some to accept help. But we also aren't designed to do parenthood in such small groups of only two-ish people! 

You may not have a lot of experience with a newborn.  You may not understand what is normal for them, let alone a new postpartum person.  And making sure everyone has what they need and want is a lot of stress! And let's not forget about the to-do lists and doctor appointments. Many women are taught from a very young age that they are the problem solvers and home makers, so learning to ask for help is a very hard thing to suddenly start doing if you have little practice with it.

THREE - Being a new parent with an infant is very, very lonely. 

Many families share with us things like they feel trapped, or they have no focus, they feel constantly tired, and their level of personal hygiene is surprising.

It is a drastic shift in time management when a newborn comes home. For very social people, having a new baby may mean their typical interactions are completely disturbed. And for those in a social circle who don’t have friends, they may find it hard to know how to help or talk about the new things going on in your life.

And for those who don’t have a wide social network that invites you out and helps you have a few shared experiences you enjoy, what seems like your normal behavior of spending time by yourself allows even less opportunity to ask for help.

Whether you are introverted or extroverted, we recommend having at least a two close friends commit to making a visit in the first weeks to spend face-to-face time with you.

Some Tools for working through these parts of postpartum healing: 

1. Since there is no getting away from this new you, advice straight from talk therapists is to "ground" yourself. Start by taking a deep breath to start, plant your feet firmly on the ground, and take a few breaths to imagine your breath traveling into your lungs, and then swirling around your limbs and organs until it reaches the farthest parts of you. Imagine your feet sinking into the floor.  Imagine being rooted to that spot for a few more deep breaths.  
   

2. And the second recommendation is to name what you feel as it is happening to you. By bringing awareness through naming, you are not letting your feelings take over, but you are respecting that they are important, and you see value in acknowledging all the work your mind and body are doing. 
   

3. Ask yourself these questions when you feel your emotions ramping up: "What would help me the most at this moment?" and "Are my basic needs being met?"
   
   If you have friends over, maybe what would help you the most is the garbage taken out — or getting a long hug from your partner — or going to the bathroom!  Take a minute to really look at that moment and forget about planning for what's next. 
   Another tool that helps to identify any needs that need attention is the acronym H.A.L.T.
   
   H.A.L.T. stands for hunger, anger, loneliness, and tired. If you are any of those things, getting those needs met needs to happen before other more complex decisions can be made.
   

Your Day With a Postpartum Doula

“Good morning!”

“Good morning, how was your weekend?”

It’s Monday morning and your brand new baby has come home. You’ve been up what seems like every two hours feeding them and getting them back to sleep. Birth has, as it usually does, taken a toll on you, and you’re feeling the pressure of getting back to “normal”.

But it’s not normal.

Your Postpartum Doula knows this and soon you will too.

Settling into the new normal can often be a challenge for parents. As much as people wax poetic about what happens before and during the birth of your baby, it seems few talk about what happens when your baby comes home.

No worries. You’ve come prepared.

A day with a Postpartum Doula is a day with far fewer worries, far fewer stressors, and far more relaxation.

Your Doula, for example, might walk in and know right of the bat what needs to be done. They’ll usually run through the “normal” list of what might need attention.

Are there dishes in the sink? Is there laundry in the hamper? Are there bottles or pumped parts that need to be washed? Has everyone had something to eat?

A skilled Postpartum Doula will walk through these general touch points and be able to quickly assess and address anything that needs attention.

“Let me fill that water for you,” she may say, as you hold your baby in bed, “Is there a snack I can get you while I’m there?”

She’ll pop into the kitchen to grab whatever is needed, return and you’ll chat a bit. Maybe about your birth, maybe about how your baby is doing, maybe about how you’re feeling.

Whatever.

Your doula is sort of like your fill-in for the day-to-day housework and baby care that you may need a break from to rest. Our goal? To make sure your family eases into your new normal as peacefully as possible. That may include laundry, dishes, washing bottles, folding baby laundry, grabbing you a snack, or just holding your newborn while you take a shower for as long as you need.

“See you tomorrow!”

You’ve completed your first shift with your doula and, honestly, wouldn’t have it any other way.

Investing in Postpartum Support is investing in your health and sanity and it’s a beautiful gift to yourself and your family.

Enjoy your folded laundry. We’ll see you tomorrow.

Our Favorite Perks of an Overnight Doula

So often people ask, “Why would you want a doula overnight?”

Super simple.

Because it rocks.

While we think that everything about having a Postpartum Doula rocks, we’re going to share with you the benefits we find to be incredibly exceptional.

1 Your Baby has a Rested Caregiver

Look. Babies are demanding! They require a lot of mental, emotional, and physical effort. From rocking and bouncing to playing and entertaining, your baby needs a ton! That’s okay but every parent needs a bit of a reprieve to truly rest, knowing their little one is in the care of someone who is qualified. Having a Postpartum Doula overnight can be a chance for you to unplug all the way, not just partly. You’re able to trust that your baby’s needs will be responded too even if you’re sleeping peacefully.

2 You Get the Rest You Desperately Need

Parents. Need. Sleep. PERIOD. There is no way around it, there are no alternate options. Human beings must have sleep in order to function properly. If they don’t get it it could result in problems with cognition, mood, and response times. When do you need to be able to make quick decisions?

When you’re raising a child.

When do you need to have a seemingly infinite well of patience?

When you’re raising a child.

When is it important that you’re able to assess and respond to situations?

When you’re raising a child.

This combined with the incredibly close link between lack of sleep with Depression and Anxiety...well, you can pretty clearly see why parents need rest.

3 You Wake Rested and Ready to Take Care of Your Newborn

Taking care of your newborn is your newest responsibility.

On top of your home, your pets, plants, your work, possibly your other children...that’s not even accounting for the healing and care you need to take of yourself.

Seem overwhelming? It can be. And it’s worse if you’re not rested. Having help during the evenings and overnight can be the difference between a peaceful and productive day and one that leaves you frozen or near tears.

4 Overnight Help is for Breast and Bottle Feeding

The main benefit of overnight help? No. Diaper. Changes.

That may sound trivial but hear us out.

You wake, right? You hear baby crying and know they need to eat. The first thing you do is get up out of bed and get your baby from their crib or bassinet, wherever they’re sleeping, and feed them. Then? Then you have to change their diapers, burp them, re-swaddle them, and get them back to sleep. By this time you’ve fully woken up and it will likely take you awhile to get back to sleep.

Meanwhile, an hour has passed and your little one will be awake in an hour or two because, as we know, time between feeds is between the start of one to the start of the other. So two hours between feeds could still mean a 20-30 minute feed, 20-30 minutes doing the diaper-burp-swaddle routine, and then 30 minutes getting back to sleep.

In simple terms? You’re not getting any sleep.

Now, let’s add a Postpartum Doula to that mix.

You’re asleep. Your doula wakes you and brings baby to you, leaving them with you to nurse. They likely walk down to the kitchen to do some dishes or will fold a bit of laundry. You’ll nurse your baby, possibly even dozing off. Your doula is there, after all, baby is safe. As soon as baby is done nursing, you’ll hand them back to the caring hands of your doula and return to sleep while they change diapers, re swaddle, and soothe baby back to sleep.

Doesn’t that sound restful?

It is.

Listen, we’re super over the “parents must be martyrs” thing. You need rest too! Let’s push for a culture that values human lives over some supposed badge of honor that sleeplessness earns you.

You don’t get a badge of honor from losing sleep. But you DO get sleep when you hire a doula! And we think that’s pretty badass.