7 Things No One Told Me About Postpartum

This weeks blog is a bit different. We talk so much about pregnancy and birth, sometimes the vulnerable, post partum stage of having a baby gets left behind. Pregnancy was such an amazing time from the moment I got a positive pregnancy test. I feel like, and im sure almost everyone can relate, every bit of planning was based around pregnancy, labor and birth, and then baby once baby is here. What you should eat during pregnancy, best tips for labor, etc. What I felt like they didn’t prepare me for much was the post partum part of having a baby. The care for the birthing person after baby is born is not as intensive as I thought it would be. There is maybe one 6 week post partum visit and then youre on your way. I can sit here and talk about the lack of post partum care in the U.S all night, but instead, ill just share the top 7 things about post partum no body warned me about. Sorry if this gets intense, but then again, post partum is not for the weak, its ALL intense. Shit’s about to get REAL.

The not so pretty truth.

THE TEARS. Nobody told me how many tears I would cry the first few days, hell even the first few weeks. I was not prepared for the hormone changes, YET AGAIN. I remember one time coming home from the hospital, I sat on my bed and for no reason, just burst into tears. I remember thinking and feeling so silly because I wasn’t sad, I was the happiest I had been in a long time, I mean I just brought my baby home and life was amazing. WHY WAS I CRYING? Why did I feel this overwhelming sensation to just bawl my eyes out. Ill tell you why… HORMONES. Lesson learned? Cry. Just freaking cry. It feels good. And no youre not crazy.

THE SWEATS. Not only was I unprepared for the crying, but I have to sweat too?? The hormones have me crying, sweating so much that im waking up drenched, I seriously had no idea. It was one of those cold sweats that you get when youre sick… but youre not sick. You just had a baby. 

THE LACK OF SLEEP. This one is an obvious one because…duh new baby. But the kind of not ever sleeping again im talking about is the kind where you just cant do anything but stare at your sleeping newborn baby. Talk about love at first sight…am I right? You should be sleeping but staring at that little teeny bit of perfection is much better than sleeping. 

THE BLEEDING. I knew down there wouldn’t be too pretty for a long time but having almost a literal period for almost like a month… month and a half? Totally not prepared for. I had to wear a pad and granny panties for way longer than I expected. And why was there so much blood? I don’t think I wanted to stand up for days because of the ick I felt when I did. I couldn’t walk straight for weeks. 

THE CRAMPS. Contractions during labor are a given.. obviously. How about contractions AFTER birth? LOL yes.. it’s a thing. I remember crying out for something to help the contractions during breastfeeding. They are no joke. Turns out its actually a good thing though. As you breastfeed, or even if you don’t, your uterus contracts to go back down to normal size after the birth of your baby. Sooo lots of curse words if that’s your things. It was for me.

THE SORE NIPPLES. This is totally just a breastfeeding thing but holy nipples. Once your milk comes in, your breasts are going to HURT. And then your nipples hurt. If your baby has a bad latch, they also might crack and bleed. How absolutely wonderful is that? 

THE LOVE. I feel like this is an obvious one but the amount of love youll have for this precious life you and your partner created is unmatched. Out of all the things everyone prepped me for becoming a parent….the LOVE was definitely one that was accurate.

Becoming a parent is tough and definitely not textbook, its different for everyone. But I hope you find some peace and comfort in this crazy journey throughout parenthood. Remember that you matter, and its okay to ask for help if you feel you are struggling in your postpartum journey, visit Postpartum Support International. Here you will find many helpful resources including a help line and weekly meetings.

Whether you are looking for an extra set of hands or you just need a good night’s sleep, your postpartum doula is here for you. Overnight care is a wonderful option for new parents because you get quality sleep while your doula takes care of everything else.

If you are interested in more information and want to connect with your doula today, you can find us at Uptown Doula.

Written by: Natalie Story

4 Friends You Need For Postpartum Recovery

Having gone through many postpartum experiences with the families who hire us for labor support and postpartum support, we have identified some pretty important people. They are The Friends.  The front line for emotional security when you are trying to figure out what life looks like with a baby in it. 

These friends could be individuals, or maybe one friend checks off a couple of these boxes. But however they appear, these folks are saints, and we love them for their contributions to healing postpartum families. 

The Hold My Baby Friend

This is a friend that leaves you feeling relieved to have someone you trust to hold your baby. They don't make a big deal out doing it. They look genuinely pleased to take up the task. And the kicker, they aren't offended if you want your baby back. The Hold My Baby Friend is a person who understands that you may need a break to do things like go to the bathroom, or lift your arms above your head. This friend puts you to ease when they are holding your baby, instead of putting you on edge. They are magical. 

The Meme Friend

This is a friend to delivers on your need for a 45-second break. There is nothing like a well-timed meme-delivery when a new parent is on the edge of losing it. A laugh, guffaw, or smirk also helps break up the sometimes-overwhelming reality of always thinking about a newborn. Just a quick 45-second vacation can sometimes turn around your whole day to know you are not alone. 

The Friend Who Feeds You

It's really incredible that, often after having a baby, new parents are not good at feeding themselves. Especially if that parent is breastfeeding. The Friend Who Feeds You can look like a lot of things: It could be the person organizing a meal train; the person who stops by to literally only hand you food through the door and leave; or the person who, when they come over, somehow turns what you have into a meal and makes sure you put some of it in your mouth before they leave. The Friend Who Feeds You may even trick you into eating, saying they need a bite to eat, then makes enough for you to nibble right along through the whole visit without ever pressuring you into doing anything. 

The Check-In Friend

We love the Check-in Friend, and the Check-in Friend loves you. This friend is a great listener and great at asking questions. They affirm as they are listening, saying things like, "That sounds hard, I'm so glad you shared that with me." The Check-in Friend genuinely cares about your body and your mind through this, and ideally, makes you feel safe sharing with them. They can ask about struggles, joys, surprising moments, and the raw emotion of the experience. They want to know. It is not a hardship for them to help carry the weight of this new lifestyle with you. 

For all these friends and others who help fill the gaps, we salute them all!   They share in loving your kiddo and ride through the precious moments of parenthood with you. We are not capable or intended to parent inside a bubble, but to share the ups and downs together. Don't be afraid to ask for help. And don't be scared to accept the help these loving friends are happy to offer!

3 Things You Didn't Know Were A Part of Recovering From Birth

When you imagine your life after having a baby, it is easy to see the diapers, snuggling, and a slew of baby items taking up space in your house. And if you have been reading up on birth recovery, you know your physical needs will need to be a priority in those first weeks home as well. 

We want to share three real parts of recovering from birth in the U.S. that are becoming more and more "normal" but are still quite overwhelming and debilitating. Not because we want to scare you, but because it is never wrong to share about a potential struggle so it can benefit others from overcoming their own!

3 Normal Things in Postpartum Recovery That Can Feel Overwhelming

ONE - Anger, anxiety, and sadness will nestle into a new part of your awareness.

Many people in the U.S. are late to understand the magnitude of the "mindfulness movement" to heighten their emotional intelligence or participate more fully in their self-care rituals. Instead, it is common for feelings to be buried or ignored. Or more common, it is human nature to take any feelings of discomfort and pain and find ways to blame others as the cause. 

In the postpartum period, it is common to feel intense moods, positive and negative. Early stages are referred to as baby blues, and longer lasting symptoms may be signs of P.M.A.D.s like postpartum depression, or postpartum anxiety. Your feelings seem bigger, or maybe even out of control, and it may seem like you are a stranger to yourself. The postpartum person is one that deserves an immense amount of compassion and support. The feelings, changes, and experiences are all combined and are overwhelming. The overwhelm can feel debilitating. 

TWO - It is normal not to know what you want, or how to ask

Having a strong emotional ties to your baby is a developmental trait that has helped our species survive. AND it makes it very hard for some to accept help. But we also aren't designed to do parenthood in such small groups of only two-ish people! 

You may not have a lot of experience with a newborn.  You may not understand what is normal for them, let alone a new postpartum person.  And making sure everyone has what they need and want is a lot of stress! And let's not forget about the to-do lists and doctor appointments. Many women are taught from a very young age that they are the problem solvers and home makers, so learning to ask for help is a very hard thing to suddenly start doing if you have little practice with it.

THREE - Being a new parent with an infant is very, very lonely. 

Many families share with us things like they feel trapped, or they have no focus, they feel constantly tired, and their level of personal hygiene is surprising.

It is a drastic shift in time management when a newborn comes home. For very social people, having a new baby may mean their typical interactions are completely disturbed. And for those in a social circle who don’t have friends, they may find it hard to know how to help or talk about the new things going on in your life.

And for those who don’t have a wide social network that invites you out and helps you have a few shared experiences you enjoy, what seems like your normal behavior of spending time by yourself allows even less opportunity to ask for help.

Whether you are introverted or extroverted, we recommend having at least a two close friends commit to making a visit in the first weeks to spend face-to-face time with you.

Some Tools for working through these parts of postpartum healing: 

1. Since there is no getting away from this new you, advice straight from talk therapists is to "ground" yourself. Start by taking a deep breath to start, plant your feet firmly on the ground, and take a few breaths to imagine your breath traveling into your lungs, and then swirling around your limbs and organs until it reaches the farthest parts of you. Imagine your feet sinking into the floor.  Imagine being rooted to that spot for a few more deep breaths.  
   

2. And the second recommendation is to name what you feel as it is happening to you. By bringing awareness through naming, you are not letting your feelings take over, but you are respecting that they are important, and you see value in acknowledging all the work your mind and body are doing. 
   

3. Ask yourself these questions when you feel your emotions ramping up: "What would help me the most at this moment?" and "Are my basic needs being met?"
   
   If you have friends over, maybe what would help you the most is the garbage taken out — or getting a long hug from your partner — or going to the bathroom!  Take a minute to really look at that moment and forget about planning for what's next. 
   Another tool that helps to identify any needs that need attention is the acronym H.A.L.T.
   
   H.A.L.T. stands for hunger, anger, loneliness, and tired. If you are any of those things, getting those needs met needs to happen before other more complex decisions can be made.