Fact About Sleep

There is a lot of misinformation circulated by well-meaning friends and sources about infant sleep. Who are you supposed to trust when it comes to getting your baby to rest? There are aunties, experienced parents, blogs, and pediatricians who all have THE tools to get your baby to sleep reliably.

Still, when you try to implement what they say, it ends up being a mish-mash of a little bit of one thing, and some of what you remembered reading, and the all-too-real stuff of what actually worked to get your baby to dreamland.

We love helping families learn strategies to use with their children, and learn how they can best meet their kids where they are at in their sleep journey. One of the most important factors in getting to the roots of their information, and give a foundation of facts. From there, we get to layer your baby's personality, needs, and lifestyle on top of it. Here are some facts about sleep every parent should know

Sleep is essential, and if your baby is overtired, your priority is to get them sleep of any kind.

An overtired baby may not be easily soothed, but getting your baby sleep has to happen before you can use trusted tools to help them going forward. So if going for a walk, using a babywearing device, going for a drive, or holding your baby is the only way you know to get them sleep, we start there.

Having help for this part is usually a game-changer, and a trusted friend, tagging out with a partner, or hiring a postpartum doula is an excellent option for helping you to stem the seemingly endless need for your baby to be attached to you.

Advice from your pediatrician does not always follow safe sleep guidelines - and it can be a problem.

Many pediatricians advise having an elevated sleep surface or using rolled towels or blankets to prop or move your baby into a position that helps them sleep, especially if your baby has any sort of reflux. This is not recommended by the AAP and does not follow safe sleep recommendations.

Having conflicted professionals giving you advice is part of the struggle parents have to navigate. Educating yourself on why those recommendations are offered is as important as getting the information.

Your baby does not sleep the same way you do - so you can't expect them to sleep the way you do.

Your baby is not physically or mentally wired to go to sleep like you are. Your baby has seldom been in the positions we place them to sleep as newborns, and they have sleep reflexes that have helped keep our species alive until they are better able to care for themselves. These reflexes make it hard for babies to have long stretches of sleep.

Learning about your baby's sleep cycles and how your baby's brain works are some ways you can quiet expectations of your wee babe.

Babies show sleepiness in varying stages.

Like there are hunger cues to learn, there are sleep cues you can learn. Both have early, mid, and late signals.

Here are some early, mid, and late cues your baby is tired and ready for sleep:

Early:

Spacing, or gazing for periods of time
Red-rimmed eyes
Jerking head or arm movements

Mid:

Trying to pull or grab their face
Yawning
"Settling sounds" like grunts or squeaks, or long sighs

Late:

Crying
Being hard to soothe
Back is arched, or very tight muscles and rigid body

Sleep begets sleep, and putting off a nap will not make a baby sleep longer or later.

Depending on your child's age, it may seem like all you are doing after they wake up is getting ready for their next nap - and after getting a diaper change, and more food, it very well may be the case! But your baby needs to sleep A LOT, which means their awake times seem to move pretty quickly.

One thing that is not true is that prolonging awake time will make babies sleep "better" or "longer." When sleep is stalled, babies need extra help to calm and be soothed. Their naps most likely will remain the same length because of the way they cycle through sleep, meaning they only get less sleep overall.

The sleep cycles for babies mean they are designed to have more periods where they can be woken up by hunger, wetness, or other basic needs as a survival mechanism. Their ability to "rationalize" through light sleeping times and self soothe back to sleep depends on age, overall weight gain, and having developmental milestones met.

Sleep needs to be evaluated in a 24-hour period, not just overnight.

Some of the confusion about helping babies sleep in longer stretches, is that their daytime routine needs to be considered as well. If your baby is not able to have restorative sleep during the day, it is harder for them to have restorative sleep at night. They may be exerting too much energy and need to have more calories. They may need help to nap with the use of a sound machine or reducing noise or light. Or, It may be early cues are missed, and the window for sleep gets missed until the next cycle for sleep is next available.

The Benefits of Sleep Training

When a family starts thinking about how to get their child to sleep better, it can be for many reasons.

what we see commonly is:

• Overwhelm from the entire adjustment to parenthood, and there has never been a chance to "catch up" from the first weeks

• A family with expectations for how a baby should behave, but little understanding of how babies realistically behave

• Families who have tried to change habits, but their baby "just won't go to sleep." 

Working with a sleep trainer is more than turning off the lights and leaving your child to cry until they are exhausted. We do not support that behavior or advice.

Working with a sleep trainer is taking an assessment of how your family's day is currently structured, in an entire 24-hour period, and making a plan that uniquely fits the needs and philosophy for your family. 

Working with a sleep trainer means being in tune with where your child is at developmentally and emotionally, and seeing what their current behavior says about their night parenting needs. 

Working with a sleep trainer means readjusting expectations to be in line with what is possible for your baby, and what will be possible as time progresses. And sometimes, it means adjusting daytime behavior along with the nighttime routine. 

Here are a few things every parent should expect from a reputable sleep trainer 

1. Your sleep trainer should be able to describe the sleep needs of your baby regardless of when you are asking for help. The way a newborn sleeps is different than the way a five-month-old sleeps. There is no one-size-fits-all plan, and a sleep trainer will ask thoughtful questions that help outline a full picture of what is going on with your child. 
   

2. Your sleep trainer should be able to tell you what the plan will be before getting started with changing rituals and habits and help you understand why some small adjustments may make a huge difference. 
   

3. Your sleep trainer should be able to help your family determine when the right bedtime is for your baby. Is it 6 pm, 7 pm, 9 pm? Each family has a different rhythm, and babies are susceptible to the energy in the house. 
   

4. Your sleep trainer should be able to make a reasonable impact after the first visit, but also help you understand that your baby is not a robot, and sleep training isn't about making your child do something they don't want to do. Sleep training is about helping your child learn how to find security in ways they don't yet identify and feel safe sleeping in their space. 
   

5. You should not feel like your sleep trainer is making you do things that feel unsafe or neglectful. If at any point, you need to be with your child, your sleep trainer should support that and reiterate the ways everyone can feel comfortable with the plan. 
   

Sleep training is a profession that gets a nasty reputation. We know. We've heard it. We want to share that babies who have been able to learn safe self-soothing techniques are well attached, and have all their physical, emotional, and mental needs met.

When you work with sleep trainer with a wholistic family sleep plan in mind you can expect:

• Sleep! 

• Less anxiety about the health and well-being of their child

• Happier kids and parents

• Tools to understand how your child communicates

• Less guilt 

We want families to have the help and support they need, be it with extra hands-on care from skilled doulas, or with additional education and support of sleep coaching. Caring for an entire family means having everyone's needs met, and we're here to help make that happen.