How Do Doulas Help Parents Delivering By Cesarean?

Labor doulas are typically hired by people planning to have a vaginal birth. A doula's knowledge of normal physiological birth, the constant support through labor, and the skilled hands-on care are all reasons doulas are growing in popularity.

But what if you suddenly need a surgical birth or are planning a cesarean delivery from the onset? Are labor doulas helpful then?

Yes.

When it becomes necessary to decide to have a non-emergency cesarean, after long hours of hard labor, the flood of emotions is intense and overwhelming for many. The medical team will be focused on getting you prepared physically for unexpected surgery.

Your doula will be focused on your mental and emotional preparedness.

Having all your questions answered, understanding the risks, helping you wade through the options all happen before the choice is made. And once made, your doula can help you to prepare for what will happen next.

• Your doula will outline what you can expect to see, smell, and experience in the operating room.

• Your doula will outline what the next few hours will look like, and when you see her next (if doulas are not allowed in the operating room), and keeping you and your partner tuned into each other while getting ready to meet your baby.

• Your doula can help your partner know how they can support you through surgery if she is not able to attend.

Help During Recovery

After surgery, you are going to need immediate help from both the medical team and support team for the first hours after you deliver. Having a cesarean birth is major abdominal surgery, and nurses will monitor your vital signs and postpartum bleeding.

Usually, in those first hours, parents are eager to have skin-to-skin or start breastfeeding. Families now have time together that may have felt stolen because of the limitations a surgery places on movement and autonomy. All of these activities require more care and attention because of the strain they apply to the new surgical wound on the lower abdomen, and a doula is a skilled set of extra hands and knowledge to help families reconnect.

A doula can help with positioning, answer questions about breastfeeding, and be available to keep baby in a safe position. At the same time, the birthing parent continues to come fully aware after the anesthesia wears off.

Planned Cesarean Delivery

For those people who know they are going to deliver by cesarean, having doula support through pregnancy can offer some unique advantages. Having a doula can lead to better home planning for your post-operative abilities, combined with the needs of your new baby. A doula's experience can help you understand what will and won't be possible after surgery and help you identify any ways you may need to adapt.

It's a complicated world post-surgery of understanding your body's new abilities, caring for your baby, and the intense emotions that come with being a new parent. Having a doula helps make all of the big questions seem smaller, and the unknowns easier to adjust.

Doulas are not only for an unmedicated vaginal birth. Doulas are for any person who wants one-on-one personal support through an experience that can be intense and overwhelming.

The Village: Building a Mom Group Who Shares in Your Struggles

We used to live in villages. Nuclear families living in separate houses is actually a pretty modern idea. In these villages, veteran mothers and new mothers convened and shared mutual experiences. They talked about how difficult breastfeeding was or how frustrated they were that their baby wouldn’t sleep. They sought advice on how to deal with terrible twos and swapped stories of how hard it is to have sex when a toddler is busting down your door every two minutes.

Our modern framework for families has often left new mothers isolated, lonely, and without anyone to talk to. That’s why we’re pushing to bring back the village mentality and bring together moms. There is nothing quite like meeting someone who can relate to your experience. That’s why Mom bloggers are so popular! It makes you feel less alone when you know what you’re going through is common and even normal. Where can you meet moms?

MOPS or Mothers of Preschoolers is a great resource. Find your local MOPS group to connect with moms who have children around the same age as yours. Laugh, cry, and recount the stories of your latest blowout diaper or how you wore two different shoes to Target without judgment. Man it feels good to hear, “Oh, I’ve done that too!”

Blossom Tree Wellness brings together a group of moms on the first and third Friday of the month. Named “Meet the Village” (apt!) this group aims to bring support together for moms and impact the levels of Postpartum Depression among locals. Understanding that mothers often receive support before their babies are born but struggle to find it during the “fourth trimester” (after baby is born), bring your little and yourself for some fun and connection. Find more information about Blossom Tree Wellness here.

Unable to get your little one out? Even virtual support can be incredible for your mental health. Find a local moms group on Facebook (or create your own!) and get active! While these groups can sometimes be a wealth of drama, good ones will have admins who know how to squash that and keep things positive. Look for like-minded groups on Facebook that aren’t local to you. You may meet some of your closest friends that way!

Sometimes meeting groups of people can be overwhelming. A great idea is to invite a friend to come with you so you feel a bit more comfortable. Not okay with groups? Just invite over a mom! Some of the best friendships have come from someone reaching out and suggesting a playdate. Get your little one together with someone their age and talk it out with their mom.

Feelings of isolation run rampant in modern motherhood and there is no replacement for connecting with someone who shares in your joys or your pains. Walking through motherhood doesn’t have to be lonely. Connect with moms just like you locally and experience the magic of those three small words…

“Shit, me too!”

I Want to be Daniel Tiger's Mom

Photo Credit: https://www.fredrogers.org/

Who is your mom hero?

Mine is easy and also doesn’t actually exist. My mom hero?

Daniel Tiger’s mom. Easy answer.

First of all, Daniel and Margaret are adorable. They’re always dressed, bathed, fed healthy foods, and learning important life lessons. While they learn them everywhere, their mom is always there with a calm word and a song to help them.

Daniel’s mom (whose name is actually Collette, fun fact!) is always there with a kind word and a tune to sing. She gets two kids, a baby and a toddler, no less, ready for the day without tears, angst, or frustrated words. She never gets angry, she meets her offspring with an incredible amount of kindness even though she’s asked her son to put his shoes on literally 10 million times.

Goals.

If you’ve ever parented a baby and a preschooler you know that shit’s hard. Dealing with a teeny human and a slightly-less-teeny human is a whole thing. Between getting dressed, the resistance to getting dressed, mealtime, the resistance to mealtime...I think you see the pattern...getting two small ones ready and out the door can be a nightmare. Daniel Tiger’s Mom, however? She somehow always responds in kindness.

Wow.

Can we talk about her voice? She’s literally constantly kind. Her voice communicates kindness, love, and support each and every freaking time. She has a soothing, perfectly motherly voice that makes us want to either fall asleep or roll our eyes. We’re not sure. Probably both.

Literally, how?

We’re doulas here, let’s chat about pregnancy and childbirth. Momma Tiger carried that baby with more grace than we’ve probably ever seen. She then birthed that baby and walked home. Genuinely impressed (and don’t recommend, to be honest, but we digress). She was an inspiration of calm, even when she knew she was bringing Baby Margaret into the world that day!

Remember Banana Swirl?? That’s some Pinterest Mom shit. How were we supposed to know you could freeze bananas and fool your kids into thinking it was actual ice cream? We’re literally still not sure that would fly in our house. So not only is she brilliant, she’s brave AF for trying that one.

Basically she’s our shining example of what a mom should be. Kind, loving, patient, always ready with a teaching moment, and adorable. Thank you, Mama Tiger, for showing us all what we should aspire to (and how to be kind to ourselves when we mess up).

You're Outnumbered. Now What?

Congratulations and welcome to the club! You are going to be outnumbered soon and will know what it really feels like to have your hands full. You already feel stretched thin and the thought of adding one more child seems impossible. You’re right. While you may be at your limit, that doesn’t mean you are completely maxed out. You are just maxed out right now. Once you welcome your new little squish into your home you will learn to cope with even more demands on your time, I promise. Here are some things that helped me when I became a mother of three. Remember, you got this.

1.       Lower the expectations. Unfortunately, motherhood is nothing like the movies (you learned this real fast in the labor and delivery room) yet the expectations we put on ourselves might as well be. It’s a trend that needs to go away and go away real fast. We are quick to judge ourselves harshly based on what Penelope Perfect posted on Instagram. What?! Girlfriend, give yourself grace, love yourself and for the love…lower the expectations! You may think you are doing a shit job as a mother of three (or more) but the fact that you are taking the time to read this right now says a lot. It tells me you are a kick ass mom. Keep doing what your doing and please continue reading. It gets better.

2.       Take the help. There’s no need to try and do everything on your own. Believe it or not, people want to help mothers when they bring home a new baby. When they offer anything, take it! When they ask, “what do you need?”, tell them and don’t be shy about it. I’m sure later down the road you will be happy to return the favor when they need you because your awesome like that.

3.       Babywear. This one is pretty straight forward. Wear that baby! Trust me mama, it will make caring for the big kids so much easier. We are talking about free hands after all. Your baby can even catch a snooze on your chest while you drop your older kids off at school.

4.       Meal plan. I know what you may be thinking. This sounds like a HUGE task and impossible right now but sit tight and refer back to tip #1 if you need a refresher. Meal planning does not have to be this perfect thing you found on Pinterest. Think simple. Start with snacks. I’ve learned the quickest way to a toddler meltdown revolves around food. By the way, toddlers have the worst timing of anyone I know. The second you sit down to feed your newborn the big kids will get the memo and want to eat too. Like, right now! The quickest way to fix this problem is to have easy snacks prepped and ready to go. Your kids can still eat healthy without you standing in front of the fridge wondering what to give them.

Another great way to stay ahead of the food game is to meal prep with friends. Grab the wine and turn this into a fun time with girlfriends. They may be in the same boat you are and would love to spend time prepping meals with you.

 5.       Self-Care day. Self-care is key! You can’t give what you don’t have so if you are running on empty, girl fill your tank. There’s no right or wrong way to do this and may even require some experimenting. You may find taking a full morning, afternoon, or an entire day to get exactly what you need. How does a weekend away with girlfriends sound? You may not be at that level yet but when you get there, I highly suggest it.

For now, start by asking your partner, your mother, your mother-in-law or your really close friend to help give you a break. Let me be clear, this time is all about YOU! This is not the time to wash the dishes, fold laundry or clean the house. Find a quiet place and read a book, plug into your favorite podcast or binge watch that Nexflix series you’ve been putting off for so long. It’s ok to be selfish sometimes, healthy even. Think of it like a teaching tool for your kids. By taking care of yourself, you are teaching your children the importance of self-care. You are showing them, hey, it’s ok to ask for help.

Bonus tip. Hire a postpartum doula. What’s a postpartum doula you ask? A postpartum doula is postpartum & newborn care expert that is there for you in ways you need her most. Light housekeeping, meal prep, laundry, and breastfeeding support are just a few things you can expect when you hire a postpartum doula. Overnight care, you got it! Your doula is happy to feed your baby and give you the night off so you can catch up on sleep and recharge. Breastfeeding? That’s cool too. We can bring your baby to you when she’s ready to nurse and then soothe her back to sleep so you can do the same.

Uptown Doula is here to lend an extra set of hands. Visit our webiste to learn more about what we do to help support Charlotte familes. You can also find more awesome blogs just like this one!

You may be outnumbered and that’s ok but remember, you got this.